Content Warning: Fertility struggles, Fertility treatments, medical privacy
We all have personal information and secrets that we would like to keep on the down low, so it makes total sense that we would be careful about who we’d share that information with.
But in our most vulnerable moments, sometimes we find out that the people we thought we could trust are not the right people at all, empathized the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Struggling with her fertility, Redditor cutiexpatootie confided to her sister-in-law that she was about to undergo fertility treatments, with the addendum that this information should stay between them.
So when her sister-in-law announced to their entire family that the Original Poster (OP) was moving forward with fertility treatments, she felt deeply betrayed by her sister-in-law.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for publicly confronting my sister-in-law after she revealed my private medical condition at a family gathering?”
The OP was furious when her sister-in-law (SIL) told others about her fertility treatments.
“At a recent family gathering, my sister-in-law took it upon herself to announce to everyone that I’m undergoing fertility treatments.”
“This was something I had explicitly asked her to keep private, as it’s a deeply personal and sensitive matter for me and my partner.”
“I was devastated and embarrassed by her lack of consideration and respect for my privacy.”
The OP confronted her sister-in-law in front of everyone.
“In the heat of the moment, I confronted her in front of everyone, expressing how hurtful and inappropriate her actions were.”
“Now she’s claiming I overreacted and that I should have approached her privately.”
“However, I felt the need to address the breach of trust and boundary crossing immediately.”
“AITAH for publicly calling her out?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out the sister-in-law (SIL) deserved the same public treatment she gave.
“The OP said, ‘Now she’s claiming I overreacted and that I should have approached her privately.'”
“Nah, f**k that. She decided to air your business out in public, so she deserves to be confronted in front of the same people.”
“I would have literally said, ‘I told you to keep that private and you announced it to everyone? That was my news to tell, not yours. How dare you?'” – The_Ghost_Reborn
“About the SIL saying that the OP should have spoken to her in private, well, the OP DID approach her privately, when she asked her not to tell anyone. Then the SIL made it VERY clear how bad of an idea it was and aired it out to everyone.”
“So the OP had to try a different approach. NTA.” – Lower-Elk8395
“So… you should talk about private matters in private but she can feel free to talk about them when other people are present? What a hypocrite.”
“Absolutely NTA. She deserved exactly that.” – Winternin
“If she didn’t want to be publicly confronted after she publicly announced your private medical procedures, oops… She f**ked around and found out! She should’ve kept her f**king mouth shut. NTA.” – SummerStar62
“Oh, that’s f**king rich, saying that you should confront her privately after she spilled your private info in public.”
“NTA.” – big_bob_c
“NTA. She chose a public venue to tell everyone your business, so she chose a public venue to receive her correction. You simply complied.” – star_b_nettor
“NTA. She violated your privacy. She hurt you publicly, and you responded in the same forum. She doesn’t merit the right of privacy.” – DawnShakhar
“Her: You overreacted and should have approached me privately.”
“OP: Last time I spoke privately, you made it into a public announcement. I’m just saving you a step.”
“NTA.” – Terrible_Kiwi_776
“No, that was your information to share and yours alone. It usurped your authority on your own life and it was her imposing her will on what she thought was best. You are absolutely not the a**hole here.” – D3-Doom
“Holy cow about her total lack of self-awareness there! She really had the audacity to say, ‘You should have approached me in private,’ after blasting your very private information to the whole family.”
“Next time she says that, ask her what is different between her blasting your information to the world at large and you taking her to task for it. I’d love to know what her reasoning is.”
“Absolutely NTA and she is totally the a**hole, no question.” – SemiOldCRPGs
“It’s understandable that you felt hurt and chose to confront her in the moment. She should apologize for betraying your trust instead of deflecting blame onto you.” – hastiliH0n0rred
“NTA. I wonder why you told her about the treatments at all, though. Did you know, prior to this, that she was a blabbermouth?”
“As for confronting her, I guess you could have said something in private but I don’t think you had to. She put your business out in public and you made your feelings about her lack of discretion known in public. That’s even steven.”
“By claiming you overreacted, she’s just trying to turn things back around on you and make you look like the bad guy, instead of taking responsibility for her actions and apologizing, profusely, the way she should.”
“Don’t fall for her disinformation and don’t ever tell her anything more important than the time of day on the hall clock, again. She can’t be trusted.” – Tiamat_fire_and_ice
Others agreed and urged the OP to never trust her SIL with important information ever again.
“Your SIL is a f**king id**t. Take this as a lesson that she is never to be trusted with anything.” – Comms
“Now EVERYBODY knows two vital pieces of information: 1. that the OP is undergoing fertility treatments, which I’m sure they realize she wasn’t ready to share, and 2. that the OP’s SIL cannot be trusted with any private or important information.” – Wombat_in_boots
“Now you’ve learned a valuable lesson: do NOT share any important information with your SIL. She has given you the gift of showing you she’s not reliable or trustworthy. She should be put on an info diet (an info FAMINE, if you will) immediately. NTA.” – YesNoMaybe_IMO
“NTA: She’s lucky I’m not her sister. I’d have asked how her Herpes was doing and if it had cleared up yet.”
“Respect is a boundary you DO NOT cross. She’s emotionally immature and you need to implement a ‘Zero Drama’ strategy in your life.”
“If someone is causing you drama they DO NOT get access to your innermost life.” – Affectionate-Lynx865
“NTA. She’s rude, mean, cruel, cold, blah blah blah, and not to be trusted. Stay away from her.” – dawg1959
“NTA. So many posts in AITAH are basically, I have horrible people in my family who feel they can do and say whatever they want and then run to family and get them to agree with them.”
“Learn from this subreddit and cut all AHs out of your life.”
“Life is too short to put up with a**holes, even if they are family.”
“If you set boundaries and don’t follow, through, at some point you do become the AH to yourself.” – MadMaz27
“Why the heck would she feel the need to tell anyone? Lesson learned. You should distance yourself from her. She’s got no empathy or loyalty for you. NTA.” – Majestic_Register346
“Absolutely NTA, and when you do get pregnant, make sure she finds out when you publicly announce it, like via a Facebook post, and not a second before. She doesn’t deserve that luxury, and also, I’m sure she’d abuse it and share that ‘for you’ also.” – VivisNana
“Honey, you didn’t overreact. Now if you had straight up slapped her so hard on her face that she fell backward, that would have been taking it too far, but I would have totally had your back because she would have deserved it.”
“Do not tell anything private to this b***h again. In fact, she’d be dead to me. I’d never say another word to her period or acknowledge her existence. Do what makes you comfortable, but do NOT share personal information with her ever again. It doesn’t belong to her. She doesn’t deserve it.” – Desperate-Pear-860
“What? No, you’re NTA.”
“You initially trusted this person with personal and sensitive information that you asked her not to disclose. She has then done the exact opposite of that and disclosed highly personal information about you and your partner.”
“She is now upset that everyone in the family is aware that she can’t keep confidential information to herself and that she can’t be trusted. That is no one’s fault but her own.” – Betcha-knowit
“NTA. Why do you need to keep your thoughts private when she doesn’t, even when asked to? Everyone should know not to trust her with private information.” – wlfwrtr
“If people want their privacy for being called out, they should not be saying s**t in public.”
“Everyone needs to know that she can’t be trusted.”
“Besides the fact that you had wanted this to be private.”
“NTA.” – grayblue_grrl
“So it’s okay for her to reveal something personal that you specifically asked her to keep private, yet you should’ve done it privately? ‘She’s claiming I overreacted? Yeah, right. I would’ve done the same thing.”
“Nah, you are definitely NTA.”
“I hope if you take just one thing from this, it’s that you definitely can’t trust her.”
“Good luck with your treatment, I hope it’s successful, and you’re blessed with a happy and healthy baby!” – CatMom8787
The subReddit could not stop shaking its head over how the OP’s sister-in-law treated her and how she expected better treatment than she had given the OP.
The sister-in-law had done an incredibly unkind thing to the OP by revealing information the OP had clearly stated was meant to stay private, so it only made sense for the OP to reveal that her sister-in-law was not someone who could be trusted with such important information.