More than likely, we have all at some point made plans with someone, only for them to not work out because someone forgot, double-booked their schedule, or overslept.
It’s a very human thing to drop the ball and make mistakes, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, and the best thing to do in these situations is to simply apologize and move on.
After working a long shift, Redditor T_cna_health was exhausted and fell asleep, even though she had plans to meet up with her sister.
When her sister was disappointed, the Original Poster (OP) lashed out at her rather than apologizing for the mishap.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for sleeping and missing plans with my sister, and then getting mad at her?”
The OP worked a demanding job as a CNA.
“So I (18 female) am a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant). It’s a hard job to say the least.”
“I work 8–12 hour shifts with normally only 1 day off during the week.”
The OP didn’t think her sister’s life was nearly as demanding.
“Yesterday was my day off, and my sister (22 female) wanted to hang out.”
“My sister has a rich fiancé who basically pays for everything while she does whatever.”
“So I was all ready to hang out, but my sister needed to run a few things to her fiancé at his work.”
“Fine by me, I was just going to watch some TV while I waited for her to be done.”
But hanging out didn’t go as according to plan.
“I ended up falling asleep and slept through my sister texting and calling, because my phone was on silent from work, and I just didn’t turn it on.”
“Well, she came banging on my door, and I of course woke up. She got mad and said how I barely had to wait for her, yet I still fell asleep.”
“I said, ‘Well, I’m tired from having to work. We don’t all have a rich fiancé who can pay for everything.'”
“She called me a AH and a heartless b***h and slammed my door shut.”
Her mother sided with her sister.
“I got a called from my mom also, getting mad at me, saying my sister just wanted to spend time with me.”
“Even when I tried to explain how I work all the time and I think I have a right to be tired. It’s like nobody cares.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the OP reacted too harshly against her sister.
“YTA. It was a pretty low blow to attack her right off the bat for being frustrated, that much is obvious.”
“I want you to think about something though. I don’t know if your sister is anything like me, but if I had plans with someone and they very suddenly went from responsive to radio silent, I’d grow concerned pretty quickly that something might have happened and the person I was meant to see was in danger.”
“You very easily could have just told her she startled you and that you were sorry you dozed off. Jumping right to the bitter response you gave her was uncalled for.” – L3v14th4nTh3Th1rd
“OP went from 0 to 60 pretty fast.” – justcelia13
“Plans get ruined, and when that happens, you apologize for it instead of immediately snapping at the other person about something that you’re obviously already resentful about that has nothing to do with the actual situation at hand.” – frustratedfren
“YTA. You hit below the belt.”
“I’m sure the sister was probably annoyed then probably worried.”
“It is clear that OP is envious of said rich fiance and used the first opportunity that they had to use it as an insult.” – Electrical-Date-3951
“YTA. What exactly does her fiancé being rich have to go with anything. You keep bringing up how hard you work, and she doesn’t. This sounds like jealousy.”
“You only had to answer the door and tell her what happened simply and apologize. There is something deeper here.” – Beneficial_Bunch_593
Others agreed and said the sister was likely worried something bad had happened.
“If someone was not answering the phone, I’d be freaking out, especially when there’s a plan to meet and it’s clear we’re meeting.”
“Her frustration may even be stemmed because she was worried sick so she blew up at OP.”
“All OP had to do was like, ‘Oh crap. Sorry, I fell asleep. I crashed hard because I just pulled a rough shift.’ Not insult the sister with ‘rich fiancee.'” – tmchd
“If I had plans with my sibling and they suddenly fell off the face of the earth (didn’t respond to calls, texts, banging on the door) I would assume something HORRIBLE had happened and start freaking out.”
“Yes, you’re tired, but her having a wealthy fiancé has NOTHING to do with this argument.”
“Several years ago I took an Ambien and scared the h**l out of my coworkers by sleeping through every alarm and 15 phone calls/text (accidentally left the phone on vibrate).”
“I woke up the next morning to first responders banging on my bedroom window and my boss crying on my front porch because she assumed I was dead.”
“I now keep everything on high volume and too far away for sneaky/sleepy me to turn off or mute.” – thejexorcist
“This is not about falling asleep and missing the interaction with a family member. That is forgivable and it happens to the best of us.”
“The issue here is how the OP reacted to that family member. OP said she missed countless texts and calls and was woken up to banging on the door and reacted to the banging on the door in a hostile manner and was upset that her sister had the audacity to be banging on her door.”
“Of course, the sister would be banging on the door because they had made plans and OP didn’t answer multiple texts or phone calls and eventually went banging on the door.”
“Sister was banging on the door not because her day was ruined by not meeting up but because she was worried something had happened to her sister and OP’s sister was met with nothing but rude comments.” – Truffleshuffle03
“When my sister was in college, my mom was supposed to be meeting her for lunch one day and had called her that morning to clarify what time they would be meeting.”
“My mom called again right before she left to let my sister know she was on the way. No answer. So she waited 5 minutes into her 45-minute drive and called again. No answer. She started calling repeatedly for the rest of the drive. Still no answer.”
“By the time she got to the dorm, she was in a panic, wanting to call the school and the police to open up her dorm room. Thankfully she called me, and I called one of the girls on my sister’s floor, who called someone else who was at the dorm to go over and see if they could get in.”
“So, 55 minutes after the initial no answer, my sister stumbled out of her dorm, bleary-eyed from her 2-hour nap, and into my mom’s car, ready to give her h**l about embarrassing her, only to get a verbal smackdown from my mom, my dad and me, on speakerphone, waiting to hear whether or not she was dead, or in a coma, or concussed, or kidnapped, or if she had just fallen asleep.”
“Sister was properly chastised and apologetic about worrying all of us, and then we all went about our day.”
“People worry when you suddenly stop responding, and as someone who works in the medical field, you’ve probably seen why. Have a little bit more empathy towards your sister.” – meagantheepony
Some were more critical of the OP following through with her commitments.
“It’s fine to be mad because someone else was inconsiderate. OP didn’t hold to plans or answer the phone. Don’t make plans if you won’t make sure to stick to it.” – Whatthehonker
“I’ve fallen asleep and missed plans. But I’ve apologized, not for falling asleep itself but for inconveniencing others by falling asleep. Some consideration that you put someone out goes a long way.”
“OP could have just done the same and skipped the drama.” – HarlesBronson
“This happens. It’s not a huge deal.”
“It’s TOTALLY reasonable for the sister to be like, ‘Dude, what the heck,’ and OP’s response SHOULD have been, ‘Dude, I’m so sorry, I did a 12 yesterday and forgot to turn my ringer on, and fell asleep! Starbucks on me next time!’”
“And everyone could get on with their lives.” – Known-Salamander9111
“She fell asleep with her phone off so her sister couldn’t contact her. Yes, you can fall asleep waiting, but if you have your phone off, it’s ditching.”
“If you want to sleep, you arrange another time for the get-together.” – badkitty627
“She didn’t yell. Of course, she was visibly angry. She just wasted her entire day.”
“All she said was she barely had to wait and immediately OP jumps to calling her a pampered sugar baby? OP was rude and doubled down.”
“Just because you are a healthcare worker doesn’t absolve you from your own actions. Why isn’t this common sense to you, OP?” – Common–Sensei
While the subReddit could understand that this situation was likely frustrating for all involved, they took issue with how the OP and her sister handled it.
The sister was likely worried about the OP when she didn’t pick up her phone, but that wasn’t necessarily a call for speaking harshly.
The OP, on the other hand, chose this moment to lash out about something that was completely unrelated to the conversation, when all she really had to do was apologize for missing their plans.
Being human and making a mistake is okay, even if it’s inconvenient and frustrating. But lashing out at a person for some hidden grievance may not be.