Weddings can be a fragile time.
Yes, they’re meant to be fun and joyous.
But there can be things that make the happy couple stressed out.
There is a whole “don’t steal my thunder” clause (unspoken, of course).
But that doesn’t always go as planned.
Case in point…
Redditor throwawayaccount_978 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for announcing my pregnancy at my sister’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 32, my sister is 28, and we’ve always been incredibly close.”
“Case in point, she was the first person I told that I was pregnant, besides my husband, of course.”
“I told her essentially a week after I got a positive pregnancy test, which was about three months before her wedding.”
“I told her that I was going to tell our parents and my husband’s parents around the 10-week mark.”
“But she told me that I should hold off until her wedding in September.”
“I’d be like four months along at that point.”
“So I wouldn’t be showing, really, and she thought it would be so special for her to be able to make an announcement about a ‘special guest’ at her wedding, and it would be her first niece or nephew, and my parents’ first grandbaby.”
“I agreed, because it seemed like it meant a lot to her, and, again, we were super close, and I was happy to do that for her!”
“Turns out, the first trimester was awful with morning sickness and exhaustion – I would have preferred to be able to talk about it with my mom, but I was willing to grin and bear it for my sister’s wedding.”
“Well, the wedding came along, and about halfway through the night, I asked her when the announcement was happening.”
“She told me that she had changed her mind and that her wedding didn’t seem like a good time or place to announce my pregnancy.”
“I was obviously super upset since I went through a really awful first trimester with only my sister and husband to lean on.”
“I decided I wasn’t going to put the announcement on hold any longer just for her, so my husband and I pulled my parents aside and quietly told them.”
“And told them to keep it private for the evening.”
“They were thrilled, lots of hugs, a few tears, but a very touching and private moment.”
“Literally, no one else found out until I announced it on Facebook a week later.”
“My sister found out around the same time as my Facebook post when my dad mentioned how we told him about it.”
“And she texted me and called me a b**ch who made her wedding about myself, and she hasn’t spoken to me since.”
“I’ve messaged her and apologized probably a dozen times since then.”
“But she refuses to talk to me, and now she refuses to come to see her little nephew, who is almost a month old at this point.”
“My parents and partner think I did nothing wrong since she went back on her word.”
“And that I should just wait it out, and she’ll come around.”
“I’m obviously unsure as clearly, this has made her so upset with me, and we were so close before.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I was all set to say you don’t announce that at a wedding, thinking you grabbed a mic and told the whole wedding.”
“You didn’t. You told your parents. Just them.”
“And it clearly didn’t create a fuss at the wedding because your sister didn’t even know until a week later when your parents told her.”
“You know what happened here, right?”
“Your sister didn’t want you to steal any of her wedding thunder leading up to the wedding.”
“She saw this as her time, and the focus was supposed to be on her upcoming life event, not yours.”
“That’s why she told you not to tell anyone at all, and then she’d announce it at the wedding.”
“I don’t think she ever planned to announce.”
“It was just a way to keep you from telling anyone so she could be the center of attention for months.” ~ CemeteryDweller7719
“Came here to say THIS.”
“She NEVER intended to make an announcement on her wedding.”
“She wanted to keep OP quiet about it to make the months prior to the wedding all about her. NTA.” ~ Certain-Thought531
“I call BS on her ever intending to honor the new addition to the family during a toast at the wedding.”
“Otherwise, her reaction when she found out a week later that the OP had told her parents would be coming from way out of left field.”
“It’s far more likely the OP has a manipulative narcissist for a sister.”
“I have got to wonder how Grandma and Grandpa are reacting and whether the OP’s younger sister was the golden child.” ~ CJ_CLT
“NTA, but your sister is.”
“Yelling ‘my wedding is ruined’ after one week of happily thinking about the perfect day you had is a really strange move, too, as is ‘how can I prevent my sister to get any attention at all for the duration of four full months.'”
“Sister needs to stop being dramatic.” ~ thanktink
“Yes! This reads to me as giving the silent treatment as a means of punishing OP because she didn’t get her way.”
“If that’s the case, OP, you must have seen lots of this kind of behavior from her before. It wouldn’t just come out of nowhere.”
“Do you find yourself frequently scrambling to win her approval or to make things up to her or explain yourself to her or apologize to her all the time?”
“Are other people constantly on her sh*t list?”
“How often does she apologize to you?”
“If this is a larger pattern, then it really has nothing to do with you, and the sooner you can relinquish responsibility for her emotional reactions, the sooner you can stop being a doormat. NTA.” ~ CedarSunrise_115
“Maybe cynical to think, but I think the same thing.”
“Sister didn’t want attention on OP, so maybe she manipulated her into keeping quiet by promising the announcement and didn’t plan on doing it at all.”
“Sister reneged rather unfairly, and OP reneged too, yes, but at least privately so, and only for her parent’s support.”
“Besides, the sister seems to care more about her ego than even seeing her nephew.”
“How do you resist a cutie, newborn?!”
“Oh my gosh. NTA.” ~ MoonGladeLadyBug
“Honestly, OP, making you keep it secret from your parents that long was a shi**y thing to do, especially when she saw you suffering through the first trimester.”
“I don’t know your situation with your parents.”
“But it sounds like you could’ve really used their support, help, and reassurance during that time, and your sister kept that from you. NTA.” ~ rust-e-apples1
“Totally agree. I don’t see why people are calling OP the AH here.”
“Entitled sister asked OP to hold off telling anyone about the pregnancy so that she could make OP’s pregnancy all about her at her wedding… then changed her mind at the wedding.”
“OP quietly told her parents about the pregnancy – did not make a public announcement or did anything to steal the limelight away from sister/bridezilla.”
“And only a week later, sister/bridezilla finds out about a private conversation between OP and parents and blows a gasket.”
“OP is not the AH here, but sister/bridezilla sure is.” ~ FloMoJoeBlow
“NTA… because you told them discreetly after your sister played an obvious trick on you.”
“Clearly, it didn’t even make an impact on the wedding because it took her being told it happened even to be aware of it.”
“I don’t think she ever intended to make that announcement.”
“She just didn’t want attention taken away from her while she planned her wedding where she did a really nasty rug pull.”
“She essentially denied you of much-needed support during a very touchy time, so her special day remained front and center.” ~ artorianscribe
“This is exactly what I was thinking!”
“She wanted to make certain that the months leading up to the wedding were fully focused on the wedding.”
“She didn’t even know her parents had been told about the pregnancy until they told her, so clearly didn’t detract from the wedding.”
‘I’m wondering if it’s actually the FaceBook announcement and finding out their parents were told earlier.”
“If you’re self-absorbed enough to expect to be the center of attention for months before the wedding, then I suspect you’d also expect to be the center of attention for weeks after also.” ~ CemeteryDweller7719
OP came back with an update…
“I’ve seen a lot of comments saying that I was trying to be petty, mean, vindictive, spiteful, hurt my sister, etc., and I just wanted to address that really quickly.”
“If I had been any of those things, I would have made sure she found out that I had done it, you know?”
“She just happened to find out a week later because my dad let it slip.”
“I just desperately wanted to tell my mom.”
“And after waiting over two months for my sister, it really felt like I couldn’t wait another moment at the whims of someone who wasn’t even involved in the pregnancy.”
“I understand now though, that I definitely should not have waited to tell my mom about the pregnancy.”
“Hindsight is 20/20 and all that.”
OP, Reddit is with you.
Sorry for the drama.
Hopefully, your sister will come around.
Congratulations.