There’s nothing more exciting for a couple than taking the next step towards marriage.
If only planning the celebration was easy.
A future bride made it very clear she wanted a child-free wedding, and her guests so far were fine with accommodating her request.
Until now.
When she confronted an arising issue towards her nuptials and caused drama, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked for judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Dismal_Leg_8266 asked:
“AITA For telling my sister that her new boyfriend can’t bring his child to my wedding?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Me (F[female] 33) is getting married soon (Nov 2024) which has been planned for the last 2 years.”
“My sister (F[female[36) has just split with her husband and started a new relationship with one of her colleagues (We will call him Brandon) who I have briefly met a couple times before but don’t know very well, he’s nice enough but my FH [future husband] has never met him and like I say I don’t really know him myself.”
“My sister mentioned to Brandon that she is my maid of honour and that I will be getting married in November within the first week of their new relationship.”
“Before my sister and her husband (lets call him Rhys) split they were both invited to the wedding, as they’d been married for 15yrs so Rhys was a big part of the family.”
The OP continued:
“Brandon automatically assumed he was invited to the wedding in Rhys’ place, which I didn’t like but sort of accepted that she’d want a plus one, and Rhys wouldn’t want to come now anyway given the situation, so I let it go.”
“She then informs me that Brandon has told his daughter Kelly (F[female]10) who he co-parents with his ex that they’re both coming to my wedding so Kelly is really excited.”
“I reminded my sister that we are having a ‘child free’ wedding which was communicated to everyone who was invited to attend, as we ourselves don’t have children, don’t want children and so don’t want children at our wedding which all our family and friends have been fine with.”
“I’ve met Kelly, and she is unfortunately a complete brat, and definitely not a child we would want at our wedding regardless of if we’re having a child free wedding or not. My sister thought our refusal was down to the cost of adding her as a guest when we’ve already reached maximum numbers, so initially offered to pay for her place.”
“I told her it’s not about the money but because firstly I don’t like Kelly and secondly Brandon overstepped by assuming his child could come without even trying to talk to myself and my FH first.”
The OP continued attempting to communicate her unease to her sister.
“I also calmly told her that she knew we were having a child free wedding and should have told him straight away to avoid this happening. As it’s also not fair to our other friends and family members who have arranged childcare for their own children to respect our wishes.”
“She’s now calling me an AH because it’s ‘going to make things difficult’ for her when she tells him that he can’t bring Kelly as she’s excited about going to a wedding. I told her that wasn’t my problem as I am not responsible for him trying to muscle in on a family event he wasn’t even invited to in the first place.”
“I’ve offered to talk to him for her, to keep the peace, but she said I’d just end up being ‘more of an AH to him’ than I am already for telling her that her new boyfriends child can’t come to my wedding.”
“So reddit… Am I the AH?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA. You didn’t have to tell her you don’t like Kelly. It’s enough that you’re having a child-free wedding. It’s not your problem he made this assumption. It’s not your problem; your sister didn’t automatically correct him.”
“Let her tell him. If he doesn’t want to come, so be it. If she decides to step down, let her. Do not give in to any ‘keep the peace’ arguments. You will regret it.”
“If you think he’ll bring his daughter, make sure there’s someone to turn them away from both the ceremony and reception. He may try the ‘but she’ll just eat from my plate’ trick.” – FuzzyMom2005
“Boundaries. Brandon assumed he was a fill-in. Then he assumes daughter can come? If OP’s sister simply has a conversation saying it’s a child-free wedding, she wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.”
“Then, at the end of the day, when you’re a people pleaser, you do everything you can to make the other person happy. Sometimes, saying no is about boundaries. And OP is setting boundaries, and OP’s sister, and Brandon needs to respect them. Regardless of how they feel.”
“This is OPs wedding. Not OPs sister.” – SatoriNamast3
“Ntah. It’s a child-free wedding. It’s your day and a big one without family being di*ks. And she is being a d*ck. There’s nothing else to talk about. It’s your day, and that’s a stipulation. She also overstepped by assumption. She put herself in an awkward place.” – Organic-Fennel5640
“Nta. Kelly is a brat because I bet you anything, in the wake of the divorce, one or both parents decided to stop saying no to keep her happy and be the ‘cool parent’ rather then be a real parent. Brandon is proving this by the fact he just assumed he was invited, then, when was talking about it wth his spoiled kid, kid demanded to come with and he couldn’t say no because he’s forgotten how to stand up to his kid.”
“The point is. Not your monkey, not your circus. Your wedding, your rules. Period. Tell sis if he shows up with the kid, you will be kicking all three of them out. Zero tolerance. And follow through by hiring security.” – R4eth
“NTA at all and with how pushy your sister is do you still want her to still be your MOH? She invited her new fling without consulting you and then proceeded to invite her fling’s kid.”
“She is way out of line and is trying to make you into the bad guy instead of owning up to her mistakes. If you still want her in the wedding, it may be time to have a frank conversation with her and set some clear boundaries. Remember, you don’t have to give her a +1.” – JuggernautOnly695
“NTA. Stop arguing with her and contact Brandon yourself. Tell him your sister must have forgotten to mention the wedding was child free and give a little apology for the confusion. Don’t even wait for any attempt to get a compromise or exception, just end the conversation.”
“If he pushed the issue let him know you have someone on standby to keep anyone bringing kids out (and make sure you have people to Do that). You’ve been nice enough to allow him to come you don’t have to give on anymore.” – New_Shallot_7000
“NTA…Your sister definitely is. She knows this is a child-free wedding. Why she would not say something to her new boyfriend is on her. You need to tell her firmly that it is a child-free wedding, and she needs to let Brandon know this.”
“If you see him before then, I would definitely say something. ‘Oh, hey, did sis mention to you? I am sorry for any misunderstanding, but we are having a child-free wedding. I am sure we will see your child many other times’. But, but, ‘Nope. No children. And honestly, I am sorry, but if we were going to have children, it would be close family only’. And if they attempt to bring this child, have someone you trust showing them the door.” – Worth-Season3645
“NTA and you know this….it what universe would you think your sister isn’t being an entitled brat along with her entitled brat new boyfriend. You were very nice in allowing her to replace her ex-husband with this new guy. That’s the end of it.”
“Tell her if she wants, you can find a new MOH. At this point, I’d uninvite the new boyfriend as well. He’s pretty much proven himself to be an unnecessary problem. Why be worried about him doing something crappy on your wedding day because you won’t let him bring his kid.” – nancylyn
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was warranted in her refusal to have Brandon bring his daughter to the wedding since she made it clear she wanted a child-free wedding.
Hopefully, the sister would come around to respect the OP’s wishes and have a conversation with Brandon so everyone can move on from this.