Some people really enjoy pulling pranks on other people, but it's important to respect other people's boundaries when it's time to pull a prank.
And pranks definitely shouldn't be dangerous, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor NaturalGrocery3159 was furious when she found out that her sister-in-law had hidden in her garage, dressed as a burglar to prank her husband.
But when her sister-in-law demanded an apology for her future brother-in-law's reaction, the Original Poster (OP) considered not even going to her wedding anymore.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for thinking about not attending my brother's wedding because of his fiancée's prank on my husband?"
The OP's future sister-in-law (SIL) took her interest in Disney too far.
"I am 25 (Female), and my husband is 30 (Male). My brother (32 Male) and his fiancée (31 Female) recently came to visit us in our city."
"My partner and I are new homeowners and they were staying with us for the first time."
"My brother's fiancée loves Halloween. She is also a 'Disney adult' and has a childlike side to her which comes out sometimes. She's just super involved (absorbed?) when it comes to her interests."
"My perspective is that she often gets carried away, and I genuinely feel what I am going to describe was the result of one of those moments where she just took it too far and suffered some negative consequences."
"She is, however, taking it as a very personal attack. So we disagreed and the disagreement resulted in my husband cutting their visit short (they were asked to leave)."
The OP's SIL even accused her husband of being a villain.
"My SIL has made comments more than a few times now since meeting him, that my husband gives off a 'dark' vibe. She is always comparing him to characters from various books she reads."
"It's not necessarily criticism, and she always explains that they are compliments. Well, I'm not sure anymore. Her reasons for these comparisons are based on his looks, the general vibe he gives off, and his tattoo (he only has one, but it's on his hand)."
"During this recent visit, she mentioned she would love to see someone like him get scared because she can't imagine him getting startled, or letting out a scream."
"Scaring him became her goal during her stay with us. None of us knew about it, not even my brother."
The OP's SIL did pull off scaring the OP's husband, but there were consequences.
"The incident causing all the trouble is that she tried to jump-scare my husband in the garage."
"It was dark and she ambushed him in the garage while wearing a full outfit and mask when he was returning from a run."
"Well, he didn't let out the scream she wanted … He instinctively reacted by shoving her against the wall. She hit her head and was quite shaken up."
"Luckily, he realized very quickly by the sound she made that it likely wasn't an intruder."
"He switched the lights on and pulled her mask off. He told me he was very confused in the moment... Like, why would she attack him?"
"My husband helped her inside, apologized, made her tea, and then called me (I was out with my brother)."
The OP then described her SIL's costume.
"I didn't get an opportunity to ask that night if she bought an outfit specifically for this prank or if it was my brother's Halloween costume (they go to adult Halloween parties) and were attending one this weekend two hours from where we live."
"It was part of my brother's costume; a mask (like a golden masquerade one but more coverage. It reminded me of the Gold/Jewelled animal masks from 'Squid Games,' or something you'd wear to a Rothschild party in the 70s) and she had on a long robe/cloak with a hood."
The OP tried to have a conversation with her SIL.
"When we got home, I asked her if she was okay. I said her prank was stupid to do because she could have gotten seriously hurt!"
"I don't know if it was what I said that bothered her or if she was just waiting for her partner to come home, but she launched into crying about how my husband used an excessive amount of force, knowing it was most likely her just doing a harmless prank."
"In a nutshell... My husband asked her straightforwardly, 'Are you implying I intentionally assaulted you?'"
"She hesitated but chose to say, 'Yes,' and my husband responded to that with, 'Get out of my house.'"
The OP tried to resolve the situation, but her brother and SIL made it worse
"I tried to smooth it, but my husband was adamant if that's what she genuinely believes, she's not welcome to stay. My SIL chose to stick to her accusation."
"I decided to side with my husband."
"My brother is angry with me. He thinks I should have tried to do damage control and let them stay by convincing my husband to lean more into apologizing and placating his fiancée who was just recovering from the situation. He thinks this whole thing would've blown over if I'd helped my husband fold..."
"I find this unfair. My brother was counting on me to handle all this, yet he didn't speak up during the conversation or try to talk sense into his fiancée."
"My husband remained calm the entire time, but he obviously felt insulted by her remarks and I think that's valid. Why should I have taken my brother's fiancée's side over my own husband... especially when I felt like she was wrong for doing all that, then turning around and accusing my husband of wanting to hurt her?"
"My brother says I was short-sighted and should think of their upcoming wedding but I think he is the one who needs to get his fiancée to apologize to my husband."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that none of this would have happened if the fiancée skipped the prank.
"If she hadn't hidden in the dark garage in a hooded costume, none of this would have happened. There's no way he would have known in the moment that it was her and I believe anyone would have a similar reaction. Frankly, she's lucky she was not hurt more than she was."
"There's a direct cause-effect here yet she's not accepting responsibility. I think her behavior falls into the 'play stupid games and win stupid prizes' category. Your husband doesn't have anything to apologize for and it's offensive for them to try to obfuscate her responsibility."
"NTA." - do2g
"It's one thing to come out of a closet into a well-lighted room, and completely another to jump someone in a dark garage. She's lucky he didn't break her nose or her jaw." - FordWarrier
"It is INSANE to do this at 30 years old anyway, but then to say he WOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS HER?? like what??? She is lucky she didn't get something broken." - ScarletGreenier
"Regarding the bride, this was all very delusional and weird of her. Also, if I was her fiance, I would have been kind of weirded out by her kind of weird obsession with OP's husband."
"And I am not the jealous type. It's just the 'dark' comments and then home alone and she legitimately attacks him? Where did she see that going if he is so 'dark' seeming? He could have broken her arm or face. Shot, stabbed her."
"Like, what the f**k? You are 31, dude. This is how I behaved as a YOUNG teen maybe and even then I was too old, lol (laughing out loud)."
"Also, did she bring a disguise in preparation? Because she had a mask, right?? That is one of my biggest questions." - Entire-Ambition1410
"The whole point of the prank was that he didn't know it was her when she jumped out. He figured it out really quickly and stopped. She is so so so lucky that he is so controlled. Some people would have panicked and not been able to stop." - MotherofCrowlings
Others pointed out that the future bride was lucky she didn't get really hurt.
"I live in Oklahoma, she's lucky she didn't get shot." - Pure_Butterscotch165
"Texas here. Getting shot is a REAL possibility. That's beyond stupid on her part. I can guarantee you that I will NOT be attacked again. Not funny." - Marykk10
"North Carolina checking in, and this is a fact. She'd have likely been shot doing that to someone around here. Big NTA." - MissWiggly2
"Some people freeze and scream, some run away, and some throw punches. It's just instinct and he obviously treated her differently as soon as he realized. If it was rage and anger, I doubt he would have helped her up and made tea." - Neat-Neighborhood595
"Florida here, this state stands its ground... too much sometimes. I honestly think Florida would let you shoot, draw, and quarter someone for this kind of 'prank.'"
"The sister-in-law is stupid for the prank and beyond hopeless for thinking she deserves anything more than what she already got (an apology? For what?)."
"NTA, and thank you for having your husband's back."
"If she 'needs' an apology, try this:"
"Sister-in-law, I'm sorry you stupidly thought trying to jump my 'villain' husband to scare a scream from him resulted in you not getting shot, which as the homeowners would be our right when facing a violent intruder attacking us in our dark garage when returning home. I'm sorry all you got was scared. I'm sorry you don't realize the danger you put everyone in because you're a perpetual child. I'm sorry our lack of concern for YOU, when you caused this mess, hurt your widdle feelies. And mostly I'm sorry we offered you, a proven wolf crier, a place to stay in the first place.'"
"Op, feel free to use as is or change some shit, but give her a non-apology. She deserves no more." - HeyPrettyLadyMama
After reading the subReddit's comments, the OP felt validated in her
"To all the people who said they couldn't imagine what my sister-in-law was thinking, I don't understand, either."
"My husband has no banter with her. They don't have much of a rapport. All her impressions about him are just superficial ones she's made. She doesn't even know him."
"But she's the type of person who believes she is really good at reading people and convinces herself she's figured them out and what kind of person they are. She has tried guessing things about him in the past and she gets them wrong because she is basing him off her assumptions."
"I am sure she does this with other people she meets, too."
"And I don't know why, but until I made this post, I hadn't thought of the absolute sh*tstorm her false accusation can cause for my husband if she doesn't have the sense to drop it, so I will be making sure to follow up on this and set the record straight."
"I think I'm done trying to argue with my brother about it and am going to focus on this aspect of the situation instead."
The subReddit was disgusted by the future bride's behavior and felt that she should be more grateful that more didn't happen when she pulled such an inappropriate prank.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp