Addiction is never a pretty sight. It can be difficult and painful to get through, especially for those around you.
Redditor Interesting-End1710’s sister-in-law (SIL) and her husband are insisting they’ve changed, and want a relationship with the original poster (OP) and their husband. However, there’s some bad blood that OP cannot ignore.
OP’s husband is upset that OP won’t consider giving the SIL a second chance. However OP doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal.
To figure out if they’re wrong, OP asked the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit the question, “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA) if they avoided her SIL.
And avoiding her might be difficult if OP’s husband has anything to say about it.
“WIBTA if I don’t go to dinner with my husband?”
But OP feels very strongly about this.
“So a few years ago, my husband and I took in his sister and her husband (my husband’s best friend at the time) because they had fall on some financial hardship due to their relapsing on d*ugs.”
“Long story story short, they continued using while staying with us, robbed us, and ghosted. Told my husband they are never welcome here again and I want no contact.”
“This year, we lost my husband’s brother to an OD. And more recently, received news that his sister is pregnant.”
“My husband has started bringing up letting them back into our lives. He’s forgiven them and says I should too. I have not.”
‘Call me callous, but once you’ve proven you can’t be trusted, I don’t trust you. I thought the logic was simple enough.”
“Needless to say, this has become a point of contention between my husband and me.”
“We are supposed to be going on a weekend getaway tomorrow. DH told me yesterday we’ll be having dinner right off the bat with his sister and her husband.”
“I told him to have fun I’ll find something else to do. Cue another argument.”
“His points: They’ve been clean for 2 years, they’ve apologized, they’re my family. Mine: Great, why do I need to be there? I have no interest in pursuing a relationship and my opinion of them is crap.”
“Husband says I need to have a relationship with them if he’s going to, and I say his relationship with them has nothing to do me.”
“Neither side is backing down and we’re only getting closer to the weekend. So, WIBTA if I didn’t go to dinner?”
There are many reasons OP is hesitant to have SIL and her husband back in their life, but OP’s husband really wants their spouse there. Should OP stand their ground, or give family a second chance?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for considering skipping dinner with their husband’s family that stole from them by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
SIL and her husband have supposedly gotten sober. This is great, and they can enjoy a better life because of it.
However, this does not entitle them to forgiveness from OP. If OP doesn’t want anything to do with them, they should respect that decision.
OP would not be TA, but that doesn’t mean their husband isn’t going to be a pain about it.
“So yep good on them if they have actuality been sober for the past two years and that they apologized to your husband.”
“You noted they didn’t apologize to you nor I presume have they offered a plan to pay you for all the stuff they stole.”
“As other posters noted you are NOT joined at the hip w your husband. So agree husband should go have dinner with them and enjoy their company if that is what he wants to do.”
“Maybe when they actually apologize to you and reimburse you for everything stolen you could reconsider. But even then I would likely not ever have them in my house again.”
“They made horrible decisions and now they get to live with the result of those decisions.” – 3Heathens_Mom
“NTA. They never made amends to you- the offense was against both of you, the apology needs to be to both and they need to make restitution.”
“And even then you don’t have to invite them back into your life. Your husband is being manipulated because of his grief over his brother’s death.” – MissionRevolution306
“The purpose of this dinner is for them to gang up on you about moving back into your house, you realize this right?”
“You absolutely need to have boundaries of steel about this or you’ll be living with them forever. Do not go to dinner.” – overseas-mango
“NTA. Your husband is more than welcome to have a relationship with them but it doesn’t mean you have to.”
“He is not correct when he says that you have to have a relationship in order for him to do so. Not so as you are not Siamese twins. Nor are you joined at the hip.”
“I don’t know why people think that the husband and wife have to do everything together.”
“These people have shown you very clearly that they cannot be trusted. And people don’t change. I completely understand having an issue with drugs but that doesn’t mean you steal from your family and then turn right around and ghostin.”
“Again people do not change. You’re either not assist person or you are not. You’re either the kind of person who will rob their family or you’re not.”
“I wouldn’t have anything to do with him either and I wouldn’t let your husband try to force you into doing so. I would simply tell him it’s not going to happen to walk away and if he continues to want to argue remove yourself from the situation.”
“Let him know in no uncertain terms that this is not open for discussion. He is a free agent and is absolutely free to have a relationship with them but doesn’t mean he gets to force you to do so.” – milliebarnes
“NTA. The idea that couples have to back each other up, like each other’s friends all the time etc isn’t reality.”
“You can’t always like the same people and there’s no need for you to have any relationship with them if you’re not comfortable with it. You’re obviously a good judge of character, but your husband is maybe too trusting.”
“How many times does a dog need to bite his hand before he stops trying to feed it?” – Sloblock777
A number of comments have explained that this cannot be a discussion, and OP needs her husband to stop trying to force the issue. OP does not want a relationship with her SIL and her husband.
And if it isn’t shut down now, they’re going to walk all over OP again very soon.
“I’ve reread this and some of OPs comments, I think you need to cancel this getaway. Your husband is trying to force you to make amends with people you both dislike and don’t trust.”
“He’s high jacked your trip for his own gains.. that’s an AH move alone. Based on your feedback he’s far too trusting and has made financial errors in the past of a similar nature.”
“It’s time you put your foot down.. I also suspect that given his upbringing he needs some counselling because he can’t judge what a healthy relationship is, he’s lucked out with you, but it seems you are the exception.” – Jdpraise1
“We’ve had very different upbringings. I have to admit when we first got together I was very ignorant and naive on the subject.” – Interesting-End1710 (OP)
“Of course not, but that’s not really the problem, is it?”
“I would recommend that you speak to a criminal lawyer to find out how you can get a restraining order based on their prior criminal actions, and also if it is too late for you to file theft charges for what they stole from you. Also, to find out if you have enough evidence to support a charge.”
“Absent that, it sounds like your marriage may be over, if your husband is intending to move ahead with this despite your objections. You might want to also post something on r/legaladvice.”
“Remember this: your husband has no idea how long his sister and her partner have been clean or if the even are. Or if she is really pregnant.”
“He is taking the word of a drug addict who wants to move back into your house. There is good reason for skepticism.” – jdogx17
“I just can’t get him to see passed his ‘bUt fAmIiLy’ mentality. I think it’s triggered from the recent loss of their brother, but I don’t want to drag that up and come off as a monster.”
“Eta: Husband refuses to involve the police and has said he will actively work against me if I try.” – Interesting-End1710 (OP)
Whatever happens, OP has some difficult times ahead. It sounds like husband isn’t taking no for an answer.
OP’s situation will only get more difficult the more obstinate her husband gets.