We might enjoy having guests in our homes or hosting parties, but our homes tend to still be our own private spaces, our own sanctuaries.
While we might be perfectly okay with letting someone stay in our home for an extended visit, there are still some limitations, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor itsfish20 was making the arrangements to attend an out-of-town wedding with their wife while their parents-in-law stayed in their home to watch their daughter.
When the subject of where the parents-in-law would sleep came up, the Original Poster (OP) had some strong opinions about it.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my wife that her parents cannot sleep in our bed when they are housesitting?”
The OP’s parents-in-law planned to stay over to babysit their granddaughter.
“We went out of town a few weeks ago for a wedding, and my in-laws came from out-of-state to watch our daughter.”
“We have a three-bedroom house with a full guestroom and bathroom on the first floor, and our master bedroom and kids’ room are upstairs.”
The OP and their wife had differing views about their sleeping arrangements.
“Before moving in with me, my wife used to let her parents sleep in her bed when they would come to visit, and she would go sleep on the couch.”
“Well, she asked recently if they could sleep in our master bedroom.”
“I right away said no and that I don’t want anyone other than us and our kid in our bed as it feels weird to me and we have a guestroom for, you know, guests.”
This caused unexpected tension in the family.
“This caused a big fight to happen between my wife and me until she finally caught on to my way of seeing things.”
“But her mom was totally offended at the notion that she was not allowed to sleep in our bed. MIL is a huge ‘I’m entitled to anything I want’ type of person and we don’t get along very well.”
“Am I the a**hole here because I don’t want my in-laws sleeping in my bed?”
“I asked my own parents about it, and they both said they would never even think of asking since we have the guestroom already available…”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP that this was an inappropriate request from their MIL.
“Make other plans for childcare.”
“The in-laws wanting to sleep in your bed, not the (one would assume, perfectly lovely and comfortable guest room), well, it’s a dominance game. And you don’t have to play. NTA.”
“If you do end up with the in-laws staying at your place, put a lock on your bedroom door. They don’t need to be there. They don’t need to be snooping in your bedside table drawers (or whatever) to see what little things you keep there.”
“Your room is your private sanctuary, and they have no business being in there. NTA.”
“Oh yeah, and put a nanny camera in the corner in case they get creative and call a locksmith. Just saying.” – YouthNAsia63
“It isn’t just a bed. It’s the marital bed.”
“Judaism teaches that sex between a married couple is an act of worship of God, who created the act of sex not just to create children but to deepen the relationship between a couple. The marital bed is where that worship takes place. Other people do not get to sleep where a husband and wife make love.” – TychaBrahe
“NTA. Just tell her, ‘Not sure why you insist on sleeping where I have sex with your daughter.'” – BriefHorror
“NTA, this is a leftover poverty mindset. When you are poor, you typically have one nice bed/room, and an elder guest would feel entitled to it out of respect.”
“That isn’t a problem anymore. Lots of people have guest rooms with nice mattresses and en suite bathrooms, etc.”
“No f**king way I’m letting my parents or my wife’s parents sleep in my bed. NTA.” – IllinoisGoblinBandit
“I think you’d have to strip the master bed and store the linens elsewhere when you leave… which is crazy, I admit, but they are totally going to sleep in the master bedroom, and every protest from OP is only going to make the act more ‘delicious’ to the MIL…”
“OP is NTA… I also wouldn’t be surprised if a locked door ended with a broken door because ‘they heard a noise’ or something (followed by them sleeping in OP’s master bedroom).” – Steamedfrog
“NTA. Boundaries. Your bed (and your room, for that matter) being off-limits is a perfectly reasonable boundary. Considering you have a guest room, I just have no words as to why someone would want to sleep in your bed and not a guest bed.”
“Furthermore, even without the guest room, I still wouldn’t offer my bed to guests. Call me strange, but I don’t want to share where I sleep and have playtime with my spouse. That’s what couches and air mattresses are for.”
“If I were you, I’d consider getting a lock for my underwear drawer as well.” – naisfurious
Others sided with the OP’s wife and said the OP was creating the problem.
“YTA. Change and wash the sheets if someone else being in the bed bothers you so much.”
“Besides, if the kids are really young, it makes sense for them to be on the same floor as them.”
“Don’t see the issue with a parent sleeping in your bed. My father stayed with us when he was going through chemo (the chemo place was near my house), and I made him use my bed (due to the master bedroom having its own bathroom).” – Derwin0
“YTA. You are willing to accept free child care but not let them use your bed?” – HiroshimaRoll
“I just want to point out that the child is 16 months old (deduced by previous posts since OP refuses to respond to anyone asking for more info), and the guest room is on a separate floor.”
“So OP is absolutely, 100% YTA and is intentionally leaving out details so it doesn’t seem like he is.”
“Also, it ’caused a huge fight until she caught on to his way of thinking’ is an extremely sketchy sentence.” – TheJaice
“YTA. If you want someone to house-sit and spend the night, why should they not be able to sleep in the master bedroom? Change the sheets for them and then again when you get home. It’s just a bed. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, maybe you shouldn’t have them house-sit.” – contractcooker
“Wash the sheets before they stay at your place, and wash them before you and your wife jump back into that bed. Allow the ILs to sleep in your bed on the SAME FLOOR where the child sleeps. They are not housesitting; they are caring for your child.”
“YTA YTA YTA.” – vtmira
“Personally, seems like YTA to me. Seems like a don’t ask, don’t tell thing to me. Even forbidding them from using the master doesn’t mean they don’t. Are they having the kids be little Stasi agents to inform on the grandparents?”
“To get more graphic, if this is about a dude who is so insecure in his sexuality that he’s worried about some geriatrics getting it on, nothing stops them from getting his goat by ONLY using the bedroom to pound one out and then do a walk of shame down the hall to the guest room.”
“But that is just me. Asking people to come from out of state to watch the kids while you go and get tanked at a wedding is okay, but letting those people sleep where it is most comfortable is a step too far. Please.”
“If you are that worried, burn the sheets and buy new ones and add that to the money you spent on the wedding. And exactly where is OP staying while at the wedding? A hotel? Well, I’ve got a little secret about hotels…” – ramanman
“It’s just a bed. What is this issue? Why do you care?”
“When you go to a hotel, you’re sleeping in other people’s beds. etc etc.”
“Also, from context, it seems like OP had his in-laws drive in from out of state to visit for a few days to watch their daughters. That’s saving OP hundreds to thousands in child care, not to mention the cost to the in-laws. So unless you’re paying them thousands to watch your kid. YTA.” – cracktop2727
“YTA. You purposely left out the fact that the guest room is on a different floor and you have a baby that needs caring for. If the guest room were on the same floor as your room and also had at least a double-sized bed, then, sure, they should sleep in the guest room instead of yours.”
“But that is not the case here. The only room with a decent-sized bed that is on the same floor as the baby is yours. Therefore, the in-laws should sleep in your bed. Instead of twisting the story to get sympathy on the internet, how about you be grateful that they are staying to help you out?” – ca0072
The subReddit was just as divided over this issue as the OP’s family was. While some were with the OP and his parents about keeping the marital bed separate, others sided with the OP’s wife and in-laws because, in reality, it was just a bed with sheets that could be washed like any other bed.