A lot of people love to be gift-givers.
Sometimes, giving a gift a person truly loves can bring about a euphoric rush.
Certain intimate or well-thought-out gifts can bring enormous joy.
And then sometimes these same kinds of gifts can be a disaster.
It's all a gamble.
Redditor Ok-Permission8346 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
"AITA for getting my step daughter a Hogwarts letter for her 11th Birthday?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I've been married for four years, and my wife had a daughter from a previous relationship."
"My stepdaughter has been obsessed with Harry Potter since before I met her."
"She literally asked me if I liked Harry Potter when I met her."
"Her 11th Birthday was yesterday, and I arranged for a letter to be 'delivered' during her birthday party, and it was an admittance letter for Hogwarts."
"I thought it was a really cute gift idea."
"My stepdaughter started freaking out, screaming, 'it's real, it's real,' and really went nuts."
"Some of her friends seemed to join in the excitement, others less so."
"Her mother (my wife) held her to calm her down and explained to her that it wasn't real."
"It was just a 'joke step daddy played on you.'"
"She started crying, screamed that she hated me, and ran to her room."
"The other parents seemed to sympathize; one other father said he thought it was a nice idea."
"But after we sent everyone home, my wife yelled at me and said what I did was selfish and cruel, and she couldn't believe I would hurt her daughter like that."
"Was I wrong to do this?"
"Was it an inappropriate gift for an 11-year-old?"
"I really didn't mean to mock or hurt my stepdaughter."
"I thought it would be fun."
"It didn't occur to me that my stepdaughter was young enough to think it was real."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am I the A**hole?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA, the 11-year-old should know without question that Harry Potter is fake."
"Your wife is the AH for saying it’s a trick, not helping her daughter understand books, and for yelling at you." ~ Glum-System-7422
"I don't know any 11-year-olds that still think Books and Movies are real... before anyone asks, yes, I know A LOT of 11-year-olds since I have an 11-year-old myself and I'm involved in his life, taking him and his friends everywhere."
"They do think YouTube 'pranks' and other clearly staged videos are real, but then again, some adult redditors believe the same."
"But Harry Potter?"
"No chance." ~ iwilltalkaboutguns
"Some people are more naive and trusting than others."
"There was a guy in my 5th-grade class who still believed in Santa until our teacher told us Santa was fake, and then mocked him in front of the class for believing in it still."
"He wasn't a non-intelligent kid."
"Naive and overly trusting sometimes, but yeah." ~ theclosetenby
"As an autistic person who believed in Santa until 5th grade (which was when a classmate told me, not even my parents), there's a difference between believing a lie that your whole family is trying to keep alive vs. believing that what happens in novels and stories is real." ~ SeptemberSoup
"Elementary teacher here, and this 11-year-old should absolutely have already known that Harry Potter is a fictional series."
"Some of my coworkers have Harry Potter items in our classrooms, and not one of our students thinks that we actually attended Hogwarts."
"It's very unsettling that this little girl didn't understand this!" ~ flooperdooper4
"NTA, particularly because of the last line."
"You had nothing but good intentions because you thought she was old enough to understand that Hogwarts is fictional and that it would be a cute reference to the series."
"I’m with you, I’d also assume most eleven-year-olds are typically grown enough to understand reality vs. fictional worlds."
"I’m kinda pissed at your wife for saying it was a joke you were playing on her, though, rather than using a softer 'you were playing pretend.'"
"She made it seem like a mean prank, which led to the kid being even angrier."
"Your wife is TA here, if anyone." ~ xcarex
"No. Her mother has failed her if at 11 she thought that it was real, and she may get an actual letter."
"It’s a cute little keepsake that is frequently given at that age to fans."
"I did the same for my niece earlier this year."
"We did a 'potion' to reveal her house because she didn’t know the results of her house sorting quiz, made wands, and had a whole themed party."
"Frankly, your wife sounds ridiculous."
"NTA at all." ~ CraftAlarmed4106
"NTA. Her mother, on the other hand, has failed as a parent."
"The kid is 11, not 5; she should know the difference between fiction and reality."
"I got the One Ring for Christmas when I was 7."
"I was not expecting to rule the Middle-earth." ~ This_Grab_452
"I feel like an 11-year-old should know Hogwarts isn't real... I don't think you're the asshole if you had good intentions."
"Just a shi**y situation all around."
"Also, your kid probably shouldn't be screaming that they hate you in front of people?" ~ catnapwhisper
"No, literally, they teach the difference between nonfiction and fiction/fantasy in schools starting way younger than that."
"Harry Potter is a good example of fantasy."
"I was really obsessed with Harry Potter when I was that age."
"My best friends and I used to act out scenes from the books/movies."
"We made wands for ourselves by picking out sticks in the woods and peeling the bark off of them."
"I was Hermione for Halloween one year, I was INVESTED."
"But it was make-believe, and if someone had told me it wasn’t real, my reaction would’ve been something along the lines of 'well, duh, but I’m pretending.'”
"The stepdaughter’s reaction is really concerning." ~ hayleybeth7
"NTA. All these folks saying otherwise are delusional… 11 years old??"
"Are you kidding me ??"
"That child is old enough — by a factor of many years— to understand the difference between imagination and reality."
"Most six or seven-year-olds understand this." ~ knittingmaniac420
"NTA, your wife should have had that convo with her after the party, and she absolutely shouldn’t have called it 'a joke.'”
"Throwing you under the bus for doing something so special."
"This is the kind of thing that happened at millennial birthdays all the time while I was growing up 😂 next time check with the wife first, but she’s 100% AH for embarrassing you and her daughter publicly while also putting a wedge between you two for doing something thoughtful." ~ Glittering-Bid123
"NTA - She is 11."
"When my sons were 10 and 11, we did a Harry Potter-themed party."
"They were well aware the 'floating candles' in the house were just battery-powered candles on very thin fishing line, and the wanted Askaban posters of my wife and me were not real, nor was the bubbling cauldron with dry ice in it a real brewing potion."
"I believe 11 is too old to be thinking Harry Potter or Hogwarts is real."
"I would apologize to my stepdaughter that her mother made her think it was a joke."
"It wasn't a joke."
"You thought it would be a cool thing to put on her wall or dresser to go with her Harry Potter stuff and add to her collection."
"You never wanted to hurt her because you thought she already knew that Harry Potter and Hogwarts were all make-believe." ~ DankVapor
"You are NTA."
"I think your wife is."
"I was obsessed with Harry Potter as a kid as well, and my mom did the same thing (made an acceptance letter for my 11th birthday), but the whole time I knew it wasn’t real."
"It’s great for kids to believe in things (Santa, Easter Bunny, hell, even magic to an extent), but for her to get to a point where she fully believed that the Harry Potter universe was reality and that she could actually go to Hogwarts."
"I feel like your wife should’ve seen the signs earlier and gently tried to explain that it’s not a total reality."
"Believing is great, delusion is not; this feels like a total delusion."
"And the way your wife reacted by calling it a 'joke you played on her' when it clearly wasn’t was so wrong."
"Definitely made it worse because now not only is she dealing with the fact that Hogwarts isn’t real, she’s thinking that step daddy is making fun of her/played this cruel of a joke on her." ~ sour-patch-bitch
"NTA. I find it hard to believe that an 11-year-old would think an acceptance letter like that was real."
"Good for you for putting so much thought into her gift."
"My only suggestion would be to run any gifts past your wife in the future to avoid any further mishaps." ~ Worldly-Ad3211
"NTA, and maybe this isn’t relevant in the grand scheme of things, but I do worry that 11 is too old to think Hogwarts is real."
"Your wife calling this a 'joke' is either being willfully obtuse or plain ignorant because I’m not sure why her first thought would be that you’re trying to prank this child instead of doing something thoughtful." ~ heavy-hands
"WTF? NTA."
"I did this for a Harry Potter party I threw at a library I worked at."
"All the kids (even the 5 and 6-year-olds) knew it was fake (but cute)."
"That was a super awesome idea, and you should be getting lots of dad brownie points." ~ waitforitwaitforittt
Reddit is with you, OP.
This gift sounded like a great idea.
And you had it delivered?
That was a nice touch.
Your wife may need to have some serious talks with your daughter.
It's time to learn that Harry Potter is just fiction.
