Most parents will admit that at some point while their child was young, a key pain point was getting their child to try new foods. Whether it was because of the shape or that it was green or smelled differently than foods they were used to, some kids just aren’t that adventurous at the dinner table.
But it’s important to continue to encourage them to expand their culinary horizons, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor goldenmystwhisper was having some issues with her stepdaughter, and a key place was in the kitchen.
But having had enough, one night when her stepdaughter demanded a whole other meal when she didn’t like what was served, the Original Poster (OP) refused and challenged her to eat what was already available.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to make a second dinner after my stepdaughter didn’t like the one I made?”
The OP was trying to get closer to her stepdaughter.
“I (32 Female) live with my husband (35 Male), and his 10-year-old daughter, Lila, stays with us half the week.”
“I’ve been trying really hard to bond with her, especially since I know blending families can be tough.”
But the OP’s stepdaughter was making it hard, especially at the dinner table.
“Last night, I cooked spaghetti with homemade sauce, nothing fancy, but usually a safe bet with kids.”
“As soon as I served it, Lila said she didn’t like the smell and pushed the plate away.”
“I offered to add cheese, let her sprinkle in herbs, or even make it less saucy.”
“She refused everything and asked for chicken nuggets instead.”
“I calmly said, ‘This is dinner tonight. If you’re hungry later, there’s fruit or yogurt.'”
“She pouted but didn’t eat anything else.”
The OP was surprised when her husband sided with his daughter instead of her.
“My husband later said I was being too harsh and should have just made the nuggets.”
“I feel like that sets a bad precedent and teaches her that being picky gets her a custom meal every time.”
“I didn’t yell or shame her. I just didn’t bend.”
“But now I’m wondering… Was I wrong for not making something else for her?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some challenged the OP’s husband to step up and cook when his daughter was in the house.
“So… it sounds like when your step-daughter is at your house, your husband becomes the primary cook. Easy solution. If he’s going to enable her behavior, then he should be the one with the consequences for it.” – writing_mm_romance
“If he thinks OP is going about things the wrong way, why didn’t he step in and make his daughter the chicken nuggets instead of scolding his wife later?” – suhhhrena
“If your way of doing things isn’t good enough for his child, and he isn’t going to stand behind you, then he does those things when she is around.”
“He’s wrong for not standing with you as a united couple to teach her how things go.” – Top_Law3701
“My husband used to tell me everything I did wrong with dinner because it wasn’t the way his mom did it. I quit making supper. Simple. I can’t fail if I don’t make it. He learned to shut up.”
“NTA. Take a page from that book, OP, and he can eat it or shut up.” – bkuefner1973
“I feel like that’s a bit of a harsh take. In my marriage, unless there’s danger or a huge miscommunication, we back each other up in front of the kids. Then we discuss in private, ‘I would have preferred, etc…’ It’s not so much ‘scolding’ as a comparison of different parenting techniques and ideals, so that we are both on the same page in future situations.”
“Had OPs husband stepped in, that’s teaching the kid, ‘Daddy will override Stepmom if I play them against each other,’ and that’s a terrible precedent!”
“Having said that, I agree with what OP said and wouldn’t have wanted a further discussion if they were my spouse. You eat the main meal, or you get a sandwich or fruit choice. Dad can absolutely be the primary chef if he wants to plate up personalized meals.” – DgShwgrl
“He is the parent and should not be making OP to remake a dinner. Sure, step-parents should have a stand, but if the bio parent, especially if the father, says to make something else, then the bio parent should do it themselves.”
“It isn’t reinforcing spoiled behavior but making the entitled pair realize once a meal is made, no other options are available except what is offered.”
“The bio parent should not demand the step-parent to remake a meal they are perfectly capable of doing so themselves.” – OriginalDogeStar
Others agreed and pointed out that it was a home kitchen, not a restaurant.
“Switching to Dad cooking for his daughter is only a good idea if she really wants to be seen as the bad guy. Refusing her stepmother’s food and having dad make something different is going to lead to nothing but trouble. There’s another solution here, like teaching the stepdaughter to cook some basics. NTA.” – VT-VI-VT
“I told my kids, as a single dad, ‘This is not a restaurant. If you don’t like it, have cereal.'” – smilineyz
“We did have a restaurant until I was eight. After we sold and moved, my dad made it very clear that what was in front of us was what he was making that evening, and if we were unhappy with it, there were options (bed hungry, we make something, or eat it anyways and hope for something you liked more tomorrow), but none of them involved him or mom making something else.”
“NTA.” – FunnyCharacter4437
“There was always stuff to make yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in our house. No offense taken by whoever cooked. Sometimes, kids just need another option.”
“(It helped that my mom remembered having been forced to eat stuff she hated as a kid and had the compassion to not inflict a bad food relationship on us.)”
“At 10, stepkiddo is perfectly capable and should be allowed to do so. She can have that same sandwich, or as the OP already offered, yogurt and fruit. Totally fair and NTA.” – DragonCelt25
“At 10, she can put nuggets in an air fryer or even the microwave. You don’t want what’s served, make yourself something else. If the OP’s household is okay with nuggets being a backup option, like many households say that sandwiches can be, then she can make them her d**n self.” – HMW347
“Don’t like it? Make something else. This is the way.”
“I was a picky kid, and the rule was I didn’t have to eat what my mom made, but if I wanted something else, I had to make it myself. My mom kept lots of easy-to-cook stuff in the house, including homemade meals in the freezer, for just such occasions.”
“The kid really should try new things, but when it’s one of those days when they just really aren’t up to it, you don’t want them going to bed hungry, either. Win-win.” – Evneko
“Gen X here, and my mother allowed me to fix something different for meals I hated (ham and beans, for example). I was allowed to make a grilled cheese, Mac and cheese, or peanut butter and jelly, but I had to make it myself and clean up 100% of the mess.”
“I think my mother handled it well. I did this well before age 10, so the stepdaughter is definitely old enough. Also, NTA. Win some, and you lose some.” – Physical_Ad5135
“There does need to be a discussion, moving forward, about how to handle kids refusing to eat the meal.”
“OP, making a second meal is not an option. But the 10-year-old getting themselves a bowl of cereal or making a sandwich could be an option. Or even serving themselves, and having buttered noodles occasionally is fine.”
“And Dad needs to be on the same page and enforce the choice they make.” – Dry_Prompt3182
The subReddit could completely understand the situation that the OP found herself in, from trying to respect blended family dynamics to trying to bond with her new stepdaughter, to trying to respect her wishes in the kitchen without completely undermining her own efforts.
While it was tempting for some Redditors to put all of the onus on the OP’s husband and expect him to do all of the cooking and cleaning whenever his daughter was in the house, it seemed like there was another option available here.
Instead, the OP could involve her stepdaughter in meal planning and maybe even grocery list making and budgeting, which are all vital skills for a person to learn as they’re growing up.
If she still didn’t like a meal that was made, she could cook one of the simple backup meals that the OP or her father had taught her how to prepare.
This might be somewhat bending to her will, but it would also involve teaching her vital life skills that she would carry with her through her teens, her college or trade years, and beyond. Plus, she would eventually realize that the OP cared for her and respected her enough to make all of this effort to help her, and that would more than speak volumes.