Handling people jabbing at you about your sexuality is one of those rites of passage that we don’t all have to face in school, but plenty of those who do have to deal with it choose to do so with a tongue in cheek sense of humor.
That’s pretty much how Reddit user i_dunno-man found herself at odds with a classmate and her teachers who insisted she was wrong to handle things that way.
Wanting some perspective, she turned to Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to ask:
“AITA for winking at a Christian girl?”
Before we get to her post, let’s talk about how the subReddit works. Reddit users share their situations as posts and other users vote in the comments, usually explaining why they voted the way they did.
Voting options are:
- NTA: Not The A**hole
- YTA: You’re The A**hole
- NAH: No A**holes Here
- ESH: Everyone Sucks Here
So let’s get into the details with her post.
“So I (18 F[emale]) was in school the other day (how unusual I know) and we were discussing societal issues and after talking for a while we landed on being a gay person in this day and age in our country.”
“My teacher mentioned a statistic that states that on average every tenth person is gay/not straight.”
“upon hearing that the aforementioned christian girl snickered and whispered loud enough so that everyone could hear it ‘so OP is definitely one of those lesbians’ so I just turned around, winked at her and said ‘you wish’ (admittedly I had that idea from an old tumblr post)”
“After I said it she turned pale and was clearly shaken, asking me how I could accuse her of such a thing.”
“I just laughed and told her to loosen up a bit. A few classmates also laughed and she started crying and had to leave the classroom.”
“At the time I didn’t feel bad and I still don’t (not really) but both my teacher and a few classmates told me after the lesson to go and apologize and that I should have known not to say such a thing to her since she is very openly very Christian and being gay is a big no-no in her eyes.”
“I refused to apologize and I haven’t spoken to her since (it all happened last Friday) but I still get some evil stares from her general direction so I’m wondering if I should just suck it up and go apologize.”
The original poster (OP) didn’t have to wait long for Reddit to sound off… after they were done cracking up, of course.
“NTA. You are hilarious. If anything, I think you might have gotten a little too close to the truth.” – Melaleuca10
“She’s just trying to make herself look like the injured party when the fact is this: if being gay is such a horrifying ‘nono’ in her lifestyle, to the point where obviously jokingly accusing her of it makes her have that reaction (if we assume it’s genuine), then wouldn’t it still be inaccurate to say that OP owes Christian Girl an apology? Because CG just threw that “horrifying” accusation onto someone else, first. OP was just responding to a bully. NTA.” – BlackDahlia42
“NTA. People might say you shouldn’t have retaliated, but she insulted you.”
“Being a lesbian isn’t an insult, duh, but she still meant it in a mean way/as an insult. So, yeah, an insult in this case. You simply poked back at her in a fairly harmless way. I know a few people that would absolutely go off on a girl like this, so she honestly got the easy way out.”
“She shouldn’t be dishing what she can’t take. Plus, you might have struck a nerve… Lots of those really intense Christian girls turn out to be lesbian/bisexual. Source: me.” – ChickNamedVenus
“NTA — While she is entitled to her own opinions of gender and sexual mores, there’s a bigger lesson here that she should learn. OP, your sexuality doesn’t actually matter for purposes of this analysis, so I don’t care if you are gay/straight/bi/asexual.”
“HOWEVER, Christian Girl needs to understand that in polite society, much less corporate America or a public sector job, that ‘outing someone’ or speculating on a colleague’s sexuality is a one-way ticket to getting HR pwned, losing your job, or even seeing yourself as a defendant in a lawsuit.”
“It’s probably even a way to be brought up for discipline at the university, if someone were to say that Christian Girl is creating a ‘hostile learning environment,’ which would also obviously apply to a work environment.” – OrangeJuliusPage
“Wait, so you’re having a class discussion about the societal issues faced by LGBTQ+ people in todays day and age. She makes homophobic remarks and gets upset because of her own homophobia, and they want YOU to apologize for, what?”
“Existing? Upsetting the homophobe by implying (as she had just done to you in a much more hateful way) that she could also be gay? F that noise. NTA. Do not apologize.”
“The irony that his happened in a discussion about ‘societal issues faced by LGBTQ+ people’ is too much. The teacher was looking for some discussion and understanding of the issues, not a IRL example of homophobia, Brenda.” – msbelle13
“Christian here, don’t you dare go apologize. Schools are supposed to have no bullying / no harassment policies, and she called you something she sees as a ‘big no no’ and insult in her eyes.”
“Well, being gay isn’t wrong; it’s not an insult and, if you felt like it, I’d take it to either the guidance counselor or school administration. If you don’t feel like it, definitely don’t apologize because you have literally done NOTHING wrong. NTA.” – stewbugx
“Bless her poor heart, deeply offending her sensibilities like that, heathen! You my friend, are not an AH, but a living legend. NTA” – unxceptional
“I’d go a step further and say that OP would be TA if she apologized. There’s nothing wrong with being gay and therefore nothing apologize for.”
“In that context, I took OP’s statement as just an inoffensive joke; it was the Christian girl who was using sexuality as an insult and who should actually apologize to everyone who had to hear her.” – HyacinthFT
Regardless of what her classmates of teacher thinks, the OP can take solace in the fact that Reddit thinks she’s not the a**hole.