We tend to think highly of the people we surround ourselves with, and we don’t enjoy thinking of them ever being at fault.
This is probably especially true for parents, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor circagym262 felt torn after he caused his twin sister to be expelled from school for bullying other kids.
When this effectively broke his parents’ vision of his sister, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was wrong to speak up.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for getting my sister expelled from school?”
The OP had a difficult relationship with his twin sister.
“I (14 male) recently got my twin sister (14 female) expelled from school after reporting her for the bullying she did.”
“I don’t think I did anything wrong and my grandpa (72 male) is on my side, but my parents (40 male and 40 female) think I betrayed my sister.”
“My sister has never been the nicest person. She got in trouble for bullying in elementary school and earlier in middle school, and has gotten detention and ISS before, but this is the worst punishment she’s gotten so far.”
“She can be mean to our siblings and cousins too if she wants to.”
“We are in 8th grade now.”
The OP recently made a new friend at school.
“A few weeks ago, I was playing basketball outside during lunch (which we’re allowed to do). My friends and I were having a good time when we saw a boy crying on the grass, so we went to see what was wrong.”
“This boy was telling us about how he was being bullied by a group of kids for being ‘preppy’ (posts skincare routines on TikTok, Starbucks iced coffee, generally seen as a more feminine male aesthetic).”
“Kids were calling him ‘gay’ and the f-slur when he’s not gay.”
“We told him we thought he was cool. He started discussing skincare and fashion with us, but we don’t know much about it, so my friends and I were trying to talk about Nike and stuff about fashion we did know (mostly sports stuff).
“He actually knew quite a bit about it, said he’s started taking courses at a local college about fashion history. He’s also in 8th grade like us.”
“After we calmed him down, we asked him if he wanted to play ball with us, and we were amazed at how good he was.”
“He said he’s not really into sports but he was so naturally good, he had us playing our hardest and scored against a few of us when playing in teams.”
“We encouraged him to potentially try out for the team in high school and he said he’d consider it.”
Then he realized who was actually bullying his new friend.
“Over the few weeks, we’ve started to hang out with him more and more.”
“We were at the park playing with him and he dropped his phone. One of my friends picked it up and unintentionally opened up the messages on Instagram since he got a notification for it.”
“He saw someone texted him homophobic stuff.”
“The boy noticed my sister was one of the kids sending him the messages.”
“We told him it wasn’t ok and that we’d go to the AP (Assistant Principal) with him.”
“My sister and her friends were called into the office and they all got in a bunch of trouble.”
“It was her, 3 other girls, and 2 other boys, one of which is her boyfriend.”
“My sister was the ringleader and the cruelest, so she got the harshest punishment and was expelled.”
Some didn’t appreciate how the OP handled the situation.
“My mother and father said I shouldn’t have gone to AP and instead talked to them.”
“My grandfather has a different perspective since he was involved in progressive activist groups in his teen years and college years. While he’s straight, he saw his gay friends get bullied and was horrified about what she was doing, even though it was directed to a straight boy.”
“My sister is calling me an a**hole, a snitch, and says she hates me.”
“My friends are reassuring me we did the right thing.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said this was something the OP’s sister needed to learn, sooner rather than later.
“NTA. I think you did your sister a long-term favor. If she never has any consequences, how will she learn?”
“If your parents always coddle those behaviors, she won’t see a reason to change. Even now, it seems like she has no regard for the person she hurt. She’s only mad that she is in trouble.”
“You did the right thing.” – Dopamineoftheweek
“OP, all you did was encourage her victim to shine a light on her actions. You didn’t make her bully him, you didn’t decide the punishment, you didn’t even actually go and tell the AP yourself.”
“If your parents had the ability or competency to teach your sister common decency and empathy, then they’d have done it at any of the previous warnings. Your grandfather is right. Your parents failed and are continuing to fail your sister in not preparing her to be part of society.”
“Even now she’s proving she has no remorse, it’s despicable, especially when your parents rather than focus on the actual problem that is their daughter, choose to focus on you for not hiding her behavior from consequence. They are actively encouraging her behavior.”
“You did nothing wrong here and you’re proving to be a better person than your parents or sister.” – Iocabus
“A middle school an hour away from where I live just had a tragic ending involving a bullying situation. The student that was bullied took matters into their own hands and will most likely be in Juvenile Detention until they are 18. The alleged bully’s funeral is this weekend.”
“The parents need to understand the dangers of bullying its not something to take lightly. This girl may pick on the wrong person one day and when that happens will they blame the victim or themselves for not taking the matter more seriously.” – PeanutButterJelly2020
“A lot of kids at that age don’t really have a good sense of empathy. They need to be taught that there are repercussions for their actions if they treat people badly.”
“If she doesn’t learn as a young teenager, she’ll be the star of another post on this board in ten years, but it will be a workplace and HR, not a school and a principal.” – MattJFarrell
“They’re in 8th grade too, and that’s over the age that criminal charges can be pressed for harassment.”
“The sister is lucky she was expelled and not arrested for it, especially since there’s evidence with her name plastered all over it from her Insta.”
“If I were the kid’s parents, I’d be pressing charges and filing for a restraining order against all the students involved so they can’t contact him again digitally.” – Proper_Garlic3171
Others were pleased that the OP reached out to his peer when he was at a low point.
“I’m amazed by OP’s kindness. He: went out of her way to inquire why a stranger was upset, attempted to find common interests, developed a genuine friendship, and again went out of his way to go with him to the APS office to report behavior that he had probably just accepted would happen.”
“OP, you are a good person. 14-year-olds tend to be a**holes, not as bad as your sister but still. Continue to go out of your way to spread love and kindness, you will never regret it.” – taybay462
“The OP helped make this young man shine, which is so wonderful!”
“OP, Twin here, you don’t have to like someone just because you shared a uterus. And you did such an amazing thing! You and your friends should be commended!” – Lennox120520
“NTA. As you know, OP, young people your age are incredibly vulnerable to bullying. It can have lifelong and life-threatening impacts.”
“Good for you for standing up for your new friend, and for being brave enough to stick to your principles despite your sister being involved. You’re a good person.” – RainbowCrane
“Think about the breath of fresh air your new friend feels, knowing he can wake up in the morning, look forward to seeing you guys at school where he is loved and accepted, and share interests with guys who are so welcoming and kind.”
“Knowing that he can go somewhere safe and not feel threatened is so important.”
“What you’ve done for him is bring his bully to justice. You’ve done something wonderful and kind. Don’t be ashamed or feel bad for letting people face consequences.”
“Even though her bullying was on Instagram, it was more far-spread than you could have imagined with all those peers at school bullying him. No one needs that toxicity around them. Continue doing good and being friends with him.”
“NTA.” – FairyOfTheNight
Though there were mixed reactions around the OP taking his friend to the Assistant Principal’s office, resulting in his sister’s expulsion, the subReddit thought he did the right thing.
Not only did the sister need to learn more about empathy, bullying, and homophobia, but the other teen deserved to learn now that there would be people in his corner, too.