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Teen Refuses To Legally Change His Name To Appease Parents Who Regret His ‘Unserious’ Name

person holding blank adhesive name tag
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Naming your child can be fairly simple if your family follows a set tradition that you agree with.

Or it can be very complicated if you disagree with your family tradition or with your partner. If both parents find a name they like, all the drama is over though.

Right?

A teen whose parents are rethinking his name turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Fast-Emphasis-145 asked:

“AITA for telling my parents I’m not changing my name because of their name regret?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“I (16, male) am my parents’ youngest kid and the only kid they named based on what they liked vs what the family wanted them to name us. My siblings were all named after family members like both my dad’s and mom’s families prefer.”

“By the time they got around to having me, they were like ‘f*ck this sh*t’ and told their family they were choosing a name based on what they liked and not based on family. So they named me Sunny.”

“Yeah, the ‘girl version’ of Sonny. I don’t care. I don’t think Sunny is girly because it has a u vs an o. But anyway.”

“My parents started to regret my name when I was maybe 10? I don’t remember exactly when, but I can remember being about 10 and my parents started sometimes calling me by my middle name and only stopping when I told them it was weird and I liked my first name.”

“When I was 13, they asked me if I ever went by a nickname, and I said no.”

“Last year, they said some kids change their names before graduating high school because they want something more grown up, and they want to save the added expense of changing the name on their degree.”

“I was like, ‘Oh, I guess if people want that, it makes sense’. Then I said, ‘it must suck to hate your name’.”

“Six months ago, my parents said I look like a James, nicknamed Jamie. I asked them why they thought that, and they said I just had that look.”

“They asked what I thought of the name, and I said I like Jamie but prefer Sunny. Then they asked if I liked the name Luke, and I said no.”

“In June, they asked me if I would consider letting them change my name to something different. They said they feel like they named me as a big ‘f*ck you’ to their families but felt bad that I had such an unserious name for a man.”

“I told them I didn’t want to change my name, and I have always loved the way they talked about finding my name. They said their feelings had changed and they felt like the name being cute and light and full of hope wasn’t great for going into my adult years.”

“They said they deeply regretted it. I told them I was glad they made the choice they did, and they shouldn’t stress it.”

“But last week, they got the paperwork for a legal name change and presented me with like three name choices and asked me to pick. They said they really didn’t want to live with the guilt.”

“I told them I’m not changing my name because of their name regret. I told them how I feel about my name is more important now.”

“At my age, they need my consent, and it is my wish to change it. Not just because they regret it. That’s why they keep putting pressure on me.”

“They told me I should at least think of their feelings and that I should consider the future and whether I’ll be taken seriously. They’re reminding me of my grandparents these days, and I don’t mean that in a good way.”

“AITA?”

The OP summed up their situation.

“I told my parents I’m not changing my name because of their name regret. And I refused to take their feelings or wants into account.”

“That might make me the a**hole because, yeah, it’s my name now, but my parents also have to live with that kind of regret now, and that’s maybe a little sh*tty of me when they gave me choices for my next name.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“I mean, this is just sad: ‘being cute and light and full of hope wasn’t great for going into my adult years’. OP, please go forth into your adult years being cute and light and full of hope. NTA.” ~ paintedkayak

“I know right? They basically told OP ‘being an adult sucks and you have nothing to look forward to so let’s change your name to something boring’.” ~ SivvyFox

“NTA – your parents sound EXHAUSTING. You’re going to have to ask them to STOP trying to change you. Tell them they’re going to give you a complex.” ~ MissionHoneydew2209

“You can tell them to stop pushing, or before they know it, you’ll be changing a name, alright…your last name. NTA.” ~ Dense-Passion-2729

“What the hell, NTA. ‘Six months ago, my parents said I look like a James, nicknamed Jamie’.”

“So, are they planning to push you to change your name every time you change your hairstyle or wardrobe?”

“Sonny or Sunny, regardless of how you spell it, is a perfectly normal name for a male. An identity is intertwined with a name, and separating the two is hard. You, and you alone, are the person that should decide if you want to change your name.” ~ naisfurious

“Then you should try to shut this down. Ask them to sit down sometime and have a family meeting. Schedule it with a calendar invite even.”

“Tell them you brought them here to set straight the question of changing your name. You understand they regret naming you Sunny, and you understand that. But they need to understand you DON’T regret being named Sunny—it’s the name you love, it’s your name, and you have NO desire to change it, not today and not ever.”

“Furthermore, their constant efforts to talk you into changing the name don’t make you want to change your name—what they do say, is that your parents don’t respect you as an independent person who has the right to make such decisions for themself.”

“Right now, you understand they have regrets, but those regrets don’t matter. It’s YOUR name, and trying to change it now is like demanding someone return a gift you gave them 16 years ago. So they can deal with their regrets however they want, but you changing your own name is not an option and never was.”

“You really want them to hear you when you say you LOVE your name! You love the name itself, and you love the story behind it. If they could go back in time and change history so you were named something else, you’d want a time machine of your own so you could stop them.”

“Not only is Sunny your name, but you LOVE your name, you LOVE being Sunny, and as far as you’re concerned, naming you Sunny is one of the best gifts your parents ever gave you.”

“So you need them to understand that the matter of changing your name is closed, and any further attempts they make to persuade you only come off as dismissing what you want and disrespecting your needs and your own sense of self.”

“Ask if there’s any questions. You’ll probably get a ‘what about our feelings’.”

“Tell them when you were a newborn and they were filling out a birth certificate their feelings mattered, now that you’re 16 and a young adult with your own identity, your feelings matter. Is it their desire to put their feelings above yours? Look straight at them and ask, and wait for an answer.”

“If they say ‘no of course not, but…’ cut them off and say ‘but that’s what you’re doing. I’ve told you my feelings and you’re ignoring them. You only have two choices here—respect my sense of self and my feelings and drop this for good, or keep going and show that your feelings are more important to you than mine. Those are the only two courses of action’.” ~ SirEDCaLot

“NTA. It sounds like your parents are more concerned about their feelings regarding your name than your feelings. That name is yours, you’re your own person, and if you don’t want to change your name because you like it, then don’t.”

“Those are their feelings to live with, and putting them on you as a child is unfair and weird. I also have a weather name and I still love it, and I’m almost thirty. More power to you!” ~ Anxious-Nobody-4966

“NTA. They had their chance to name you. They don’t get a do-over just because they have regret. The only person who has the right to change your name is you. I love it personally.” ~ Financial_Bear_5071

“NTA. You like the name and don’t want to change it. Why should you change something so integral to you just to assuage their guilt? They are your parents and should be able to place your feelings above theirs.” ~ ReviewOk929

The OP may not be getting the support they want from their parents, but they have nothing but agreement on Reddit. It’s OP’s name, and he should get to keep it.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.