When two people go through a divorce, more than two people are typically affected.
This is especially true when children are involved.
It cuts even deeper when the divorce is a result of an affair.
A teen on Reddit was upset and lashed out after her father married his mistress and is now expecting a child with her, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Chocolatechip8915 asked:
“AITAH for not wanting to be around my dad and his mistress and calling her baby a devil spawn?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I 16/f[emale] have always had a good relationship with both my parents.”
“I always thought they seemed pretty happy too, until one day my dad confessed to my mom he had fallen in love with his secretary and went on to blame mom.”
“He said she was boring and wasn’t fulfilling his needs like a good wife should be and a bunch of other crap.”
“Mom was devastated, and I was livid.”
“When I had to go to court to settle custody, I immediately told the judge I wanted nothing to do with my father anymore, but I was still required to mandatory visitation at least every other weekend.”
“I hated going to my dad’s, I hated his stupid mistress, and I hated how he broke mom’s heart and didn’t even seem to give a sh*t about it.”
“His mistress and now wife, let’s call her Sarah, is the worst.”
“She constantly tries to feed me bullsh*t about my mom and even told me on one occasion that I didn’t need my mom anymore because I had her.”
“I ended calling her a lot of names I shouldn’t have and made it clear she would never be a mother figure to me.”
“Dad got mad and told me I had to accept my new mother and life, and I blew up at him too.”
“When I went back home, I explained what happened to Mom.”
“She was upset that Sarah was bad-mouthing her and trying to replace her, but she still told me I shouldn’t have disrespected my father like that.”
“I couldn’t give two sh*ts.”
“To me, he’s disgusting.”
“Recently, my custody arrangement was modified.”
“Since I’m 16, I’m now allowed to switch from households whenever I want.”
“I was ecstatic, but my dad was not so much. “
“He would scream at my mom over the phone every day, claiming she’s keeping me from him, even after I’ve explained I just didn’t want to be around his sorry ass or his mistress.”
“Due to the constant phone calls, my mom asked me to at least visit sometimes, and I do, for her.”
“Yesterday, while I was at my dad’s house, Sarah sat down with me and announced she was pregnant with my half-sibling.”
“I sat there with the straightest face ever. Which caused her to start yelling, asking why I wasn’t excited.”
“I told her bluntly I wouldn’t be happy about that devil spawn in her belly, and that they would probably end up a home-wrecking b*tch like her, this is where I think I might be the AH in this whole situation.”
“Did I go too far?”
After reading several comments, OP offered more information.
“Okay, wow, I didn’t expect to get this much feedback.”
“I’ve read the majority of comments, and half are saying I’m justified, and the other half are saying I went too far with the devil spawn comment.”
“I agree that I shouldn’t have brought the unborn baby into this, and I did end up texting my dad this morning apologizing.”
“I’m just upset about this whole situation, but that doesn’t make it okay.”
“Also, I feel like I haven’t given enough information about the divorce, so basically, my dad had to pay alimony to my mom, she kept the house because it was under her name, and basically all the assets were split.”
“I’m an only child if that wasn’t clear before.”
“Based on this post, most of you will probably think I hate my dad, but honestly, I don’t think I do.”
“I just hate what he did and how he’s acting.”
“I still love my dad, but not his actions.”
“I think that makes me weak, but I don’t think I could hate him.”
“Also wanted to add I’m not opposed to having a sibling at all, just opposed to the idea of it being Sarah’s.”
“Honestly, I’ve always wanted a little brother.”
“As I said before, the comment I made about the baby I acknowledged was terrible, and when the baby is born, I will not be taking any anger out on it.”
“Like many of you said, they’re innocent.”
“Also I love kids, I just really hope the baby doesn’t learn from its mother.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and agreed OP was not the a**hole (NTA) and completely justified in feeling the way she does, though a few did find the name-calling a bit harsh.
“No, you are not the a**hole.”
“Given your father’s behavior and your stepmother’s attempts to replace your mother, your reaction is understandable, albeit harsh.”
“It’s unfair for them to expect you to be excited about a new sibling in these circumstances.”
“You’ve been through a lot, and your feelings are valid.” – Glamorous_Princess
“NTA at all. What he did was beyond awful.”
“He doesn’t care who he hurt or traumatized.”
“It sounds like he still doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings but his own.”
“I think if you sit your mother down and tell her how you feel when you’re around them, she may understand better why you don’t go.”
“She’s an adult.”
“There’s no reason she has to tolerate his yelling or talk to him daily.”
“If she’s struggling with what to do, you might try compassionately suggesting that she go see a therapist.”
“It’s not unusual for the betrayed spouse to struggle with depression, trauma, and/or a deep loss of feeling safe/secure.”
“You’re also allowed to suggest to Mom that from now on, Dad needs to contact you directly to request visitation.”
“And you can text dad back stating ‘no.'”
“You aren’t required to explain yourself to anyone, if you don’t want to” – ProtozoaPatriot
“You…I like you!”
“You’re definitely NTA.”
“You want nothing to do with your dad or step-demon, so why would they think you want anything to do with their spawn.” – Several_Ferret_8246
“NTA do it more.”
“Don’t let your father get away easily.” – MCMXCIV9
“NTA”
“You are getting closer to getting your point across.”
“If I were in your shoes, based on your post, I think it would be wise to stay away from your father and his…wife and his upcoming shiny new baby.”
“A couple more visits, telling your truths, will bring your father back to reality of what’s happening under his roof. And how you feel about it.”
“Good Luck”
“UPDATEME” – Nonwokeboomer
“NTA at all!”
“You are a kid, and your dad screwed around and now expects you to bend to his whim.”
“Sarah is a dumb a** too.”
“They are both trying to force you to deal with and happily participate in this situation you had nothing to with and find disgusting.”
“I will say your little comment about devil spawn was a bit extreme. However, given this situation, NTA.”
“I know all this is a lot, but please try to enjoy friends and be a 16-year-old.” – bluefurniture
“NTA for not wanting to be around your dad and his mistress, given the situation.”
“Your feelings are valid, especially considering how your dad and Sarah’s actions have impacted your family.”
“It’s understandable that you’re angry and hurt, and your reaction to the news of Sarah’s pregnancy reflects those emotions.”
“While your words were harsh, they were a response to a very difficult and painful situation that you’re being forced to navigate.”
“It’s important to process your feelings, perhaps with the help of a therapist or counselor, to help you cope with the emotions you’re experiencing.” – Only_Ashlynn
“NTA. Once you are 18, you can go NC if you don’t want anything to do with him.”
“It always astounds me that spouses that cheat think they can just carry on as per normal with their children, especially the ones old enough to understand what scum they are.” – Dear_Parsnip_6802
“Honestly, I totally get where you’re coming from.”
“Family drama is the worst, and it’s okay to feel mad about what’s happening.”
“Just remember, it’s not your fault, and you’re not alone in this!” – hotxbella
“NTA.. why is your mom entertaining your father even by picking up his call?”
“Awful behavior by father and his new wife.. ask mom not to bend under pressure built by your POS father.”
“Don’t pick up and if you can .. go NC with both a**es.”
“Soon you will be forced for free baby sitting, big sister roles, happy family, yada…yada… he is a bully to scream and coerce your mom to get his way.”
“Support your mom and discuss with her how awful they are.”
“She won’t force you to have a relationship with him.” – shizuka_chan11
Hopefully, fellow Redditors have helped OP to realize she is not being unreasonable in her feelings or reactions to this situation.
OP will definitely have some tough conversations with her father in the future, but ultimately, they will result in her own well-being.