Not everyone finds certain jokes as funny as others.
Especially when the jokes in question are about us.
True, sometimes we can't help but join in and laugh when a friend pokes fun at something about us.
But finding the humor in a joke made at our expense isn't always easy.
Redditor PurposeDisastrous486 enjoyed partaking in a somewhat unusual hobby.
A hobby the original poster (OP)'s mother and sister felt compelled to mock in a fairly public way.
Prompting the OP to stop partaking in this hobby.
After being told by her mother that she couldn't "take a joke", the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not jumping on my trampoline?"
The OP explained why she became self-conscious while performing her favorite hobby:
"I (16 F[emale]) am a trampolinist and I enjoy jumping on the trampoline in my free time while listening to music."
"I like to dance around a bit while I do."
"But recently my sister (18 F) and mum (41F), have been filming me and posting it on Facebook."
"The captions often poke fun at me and people in the comments are also making fun of me, so I've stopped jumping on the trampoline recently because I don't like it, but my mum asked at dinner why I stopped and I answered honestly."
"I told her I no longer liked it because of her filming me and posting it online, she got upset with me telling me to 'lighten up and take a joke'."
"Which annoyed me, so I tried to explain that it makes me feel uncomfortable if some one is watching me just have fun."
"Then my sister pointed on people watch me when I participate in competitions, which I feel is different, I'm showing off my skills to judges, not hopping around while listening to music."
"Now I understand I may look weird when I'm listening to my music, but it makes me feel uncomfortable knowing my sister or mum is filming me, so am I wrong?"
"Am I just being too sensitive?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for stopping jumping on her trampoline after becoming tired of her mother and sister filming her.
Everyone agreed that the OP's mother and sister filming her was not only a blatant invasion of her privacy, but also bullying, with some even urging the OP to seriously consider filing criminal charges.
"NTA."
"'She got upset with me telling me to 'lighten up and take a joke'."
"'Parent up and stop bullying'."- StAlvis
"NTA."
"Start filming them while they are doing something just for them."
"Cooking or on a game, watching TV, or whatever."
"If they get annoyed, ask them what the actual difference is?"
"Drum home to them that private is private."- Organic-Mix-9422
"NTA."
"As a mother, if one of my kids said 'I stopped doing something that I enjoyed because you posted it online and it embarrassed me' I'd be entirely mortified and feel horrible'."
"The difference between competition and fun is that you're consenting to people watching you when you're competing."
"Someone recording you and posting it without permission is not giving consent."
"Especially if they're doing it with the intent to poke fun at you."- TrashPandaLJTAR
"NTA."
"Your mom and sister are having fun at YOUR expense."
"That's bullying."- MissyOzark
"NTA."
"What they're doing is both weird and mean."
"I'm sorry they've sullied something you found joy in."- Time_Oil_V
"NTA."
"You are completely right, they are a**holes who wont respect your feelings."
"And if you said stop then they should stop, it's not like they are the ones being more or less shamed on the internet for doing what makes them happy."- SignIntelligent360
"NTA."
"But you might need to find a time and discuss with your family."
"Because posting your private life online and going on competition are two different things."
"During competition, you need to tense up and be professional."
"On the other hand, in your private life, you just want to relax alone or with someone who is close to you."
"Tell them, filming you makes you uncomfortable and will make you stress out."
"Help them understand this point of view."- Personal-Temporary11
"NTA."
"They're literally bullying you for likes, this is more than the trampoline, you need to settle this and get them to stop."
"So that you can start enjoying your life, and your trampoline, again."
"Home is supposed to be a safe space, not another place for frat girls to bully you, and that's what your mom and sister are acting like."
"Cringe."- CommunistRingworld
"I agree with everyone else."
"Start recording them back and see how they like it."
"NTA and also show these responses so that they know heaps of people are against them and let it rot in their heads."- oesophagus_unite
"NTA."
"Competing and have fun when no one's looking is wayyyy different."
"Report through account and posts, your a minor and you gave no permission and people are bullying you."
"It's not poking fun if your not laughing or having fun."
"That's bullying."- CoCoaStitchesArt
"NTA."
"It's a joke only if everyone is laughing."
"It's bullying when the subject of the 'joke' is upset with everyone else laughing at them."
"Ask your mum or your sister if you secretly film them while they are 'off the clock' and was doing something you know they will be embarrassed if people saw, then post it to Facebook with a funny caption like 'OMG MY MUM/SISTER IS PICKING HER NOSE AND EATING IT!' and opening it to comments from strangers, how would they feel?"- aikigrl
"Definitely NTA."
"What your mom is doing can be turned creepy by the wrong people."
"She may not mean anything from it, but anything online can and will be used for creepy things."
"There used to be a show where part of it was women jumping on trampolines."
"Creepy then, even creepier now."
"Your mom's privacy settings may not prevent people you or she don't want seeing it from seeing it."
"Or sharing it throughout the Internet."- MsPennyP
"So they're illegally filming you and posting it online without your consent?"
"Hello, lawsuit/criminal charges."
"NTA."
"Blast Disney music."
"Disney will remove the video instantly from the internet."
"No one takes copyright laws more seriously than Disney."- CinnamonPumpkin13
"Share your moms post and talk about how pathetic and embarrassing it is to make fun of your own kid."
"NTA."- Ok_Bit_6169
"NTA."
"If they want to record you, let that be when you're competing."
"Otherwise you have the right to private enjoyment in your own home, especially if you feel like you're being made fun of just by doing something casually that you find joy in."- throwaway0w40
"Send them this thread where we point out they're being exploitative jerks and bullying you for a few likes online and see how much they like to be on the receiving end of it."
"NTA."- Special_Lemon1487
"TIL competitive trampolining is a thing."
"Also: NTA."- Denzelian
"Time to film them doing something they enjoy and post it to FB with captions that poke fun at them."
"NTA."- embopbopbopdoowop
"NTA."
"They should be smart enough to know the difference between performing in a competition and being recorded on their phones."
"It's not your responsibility to educate them. It's their responsibility to educate themselves."
"But, just in case you want a comeback, the difference is consent."
"That's it."
"Their behaviour is vile and I'm so sorry that it's robbing you of this joy."- HestiaWarren
"NTA."
"They're posting videos of you online WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION, and that's not ok."
"Can you talk to your dad about it?"- MelG146
"So instead of saying 'sorry, it was meant as a joke, and I didn't see how much it hurt you,.'"
"'I won't do it again so you can enjoy your passion' or anything like that. Your mother basically said, 'Do it again, I want to make more fun of you!'"
"Of course NTA."- Dimirosch
The OP later returned, to thank everyone who took the time to comment while also clarifying one thing she will definitely not do when dealing with her mother and sister:
"Thank you all for the kind words, and please stop saying I should sue my mother. I'm 16, and where I live, there is a one-way consent law for recording, so I have zero grounds to sue."
It's hard to say what is more confusing.
That the OP's mother and sister were surprised that the OP stopped trampolining after learning they were ridiculing her online. Or that they recorded her without her permission and then posted those videos online while making fun of her in the first place.
In this day and age, it sadly doesn't come as a surprise when a school bully does something like this.
But one should at the very least expect their own family to not do something like this.
Let alone a mother of two teenage girls.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp