When a mother is pregnant or about to bring her baby home, she’s bound to hear lots of opinions about how she will care for her child, and a major point of discussion is bound to be the undying question, “Breast or bottle?”
But at the end of the day, the most important thing is that the baby is fed appropriate food, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Infinite-Minute2004 was struggling with her finances after having a baby and becoming a single mother, and one struggle was keeping enough baby formula in the house.
Her roommate became increasingly opinionated about her needing to breastfeed instead of bottle feed, but the Original Poster (OP) never could have expected how far her roommate’s opinions might go.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for losing it on my roommate for trashing my newborn’s formula?”
The OP was struggling financially after her baby was born.
“I can’t believe I’m posting this but i’m so angry and frustrated.”
“I met my roommate in my English 111 course at my local community college. I had to take off this fall semester because I gave birth and couldn’t juggle school, a baby, and work. I want to go back to school but I have to find a more stable situation first.”
“After meeting my roommate, I (20 Female) have since rented a room from my roommate’s (26 Female) dad. She is a single mother, and I am a single mother.”
“My baby is 12 weeks old now and is exclusively on Nutramigen formula. For those who don’t know, Nutramigen is really expensive and the WIC assistance I get barely covers the cost of formula and the fresh food I’m allowed to get with WIC.”
The OP’s baby was also struggling to be comfortable.
“My daughter is so colicky and has never been happy since she was born. I know this sucks for my roommate and her own kid (who’s two), so I do my best to keep my daughter calm and happy, but her doctor said she’s just an unhappy baby and will grow out of it.”
“I had to put her in daycare at six weeks old and I currently work retail for barely above minimum wage (which is $7.25 in my state lmao) so it’s been a struggle.”
“My roommate has some different parenting beliefs. Her kid still breastfeeds when they want to, she believes in delayed vaccines, is vegetarian but wants to go vegan with her kid, etc. She practices a lot of woo-woo stuff, which if it works for her and her kid, great!”
“I literally stay in my room with my daughter 90% of the time because she tries to ‘convince’ me that I’m doing things wrong, like when my daughter spits up/projectile vomits or has a blowout, I should be giving her oatmeal baths instead of using baby Aveeno type s**t.”
The OP’s roommate was very opinionated, but she never realized just how opinionated.
“To make a really long story short, she has never liked the fact I didn’t want to breastfeed my daughter. I tried in the hospital and was told by a lactation consultant that it would be difficult. My daughter has a tongue tie and weak latch and the formula would probably be best, so on to formula we went.”
“The Similac formula the hospital gave me gave my daughter bloody poops, so her doctor had me try nutramigen and yay, it was something she can keep down 50% of the time. She still spits up or vomits and my roommate will make s**tty comments about how if I breastfed, she wouldn’t be so sick, I’m poisoning her with formula, etc.”
“I just roll my eyes and try to avoid her in the common areas of her house.”
“But today, I got home today after working and my daughter was hungry, crying, screaming her head off (daycare worker said she refused her last bottle at daycare and she threw up on the car ride home) and I was looking for her formula cans and couldn’t find them.”
“I just start yelling about where the f**k is her formula because my roommate likes to change around the kitchen items, like groceries in the pantry or pots and pans, and it always stresses me out.”
“My roommate walked into the kitchen and said she got rid of it.”
“I yelled at her, ‘What the f**k do you mean you got rid of it?'”
“She yelled back that she couldn’t stand to see me feed my baby poison any longer and had to do something about it. She pointed to the trash can and I opened it up and saw the powder in the trash where she had just opened up the formula cans and dumped them.”
“I just lost my s**t and screamed at her and told her she needed to replace my daughter’s formula right the f**k now. Her dad pays her bills and he makes an extra $600 a month off me, not including utilities. i don’t have mommy or daddy’s tit to suck on and live off of.”
Then the roommate escalated the situation.
“She started yelling back at me that I couldn’t talk to her that way in her own house and I had to go.”
“I grabbed my daughter, who was still in her car seat and started going to my room where I could lock the door, and my roommate grabbed the car seat handle and tried to yank my daughter away from me.”
“I yelled at her again to not f**king touch my daughter and ended up locking us both in the room.”
“After I calmed down a bit, I ended up calling my mom to see if I could borrow money to get my daughter more formula until I get paid next week. I explained everything to my mom and got angry all over again.”
“My mom asked why I yelled at my roommate and said that I should have ‘kept my composure’ better and said that ‘I get what I deserve if I end up homeless with my daughter.'”
“I don’t f**king know anymore. I don’t think I am an a**hole, but my mom sure made me feel like one. I gotta get tf out of here for both our sakes.”
“AITAH?”
As the comments started to come in, the OP updated the post with clarifications.
“My daughter’s father pays $150 per month in child support and sees her once a week. It isn’t much but I’m grateful for what I can get. I don’t need people on Reddit calling me names and s**t; I feel bad enough for my situation and the fact I brought a baby into this world when I wasn’t prepared.”
Second, my daughter’s doctor’s office held four sample cans of her formula for me to pick up before they closed, which will last us a few days. I will be calling my WIC case worker in the morning too to see if she can be of any help.”
“Third, the police report has been filed. They suggested I call the National Domestic Violence hotline as well. I’m waiting to see if any of the shelters in my area have space for us both; otherwise, I’m gonna have to take the money I don’t have and get a hotel room because I can’t stay here any longer and endanger my daughter.”
“Fourth, I called my roommate’s dad again and explained everything. He said he couldn’t help me because he has to look out for his daughter first. He said if I don’t pay rent on the first of December, he’s filing eviction papers.”
“I’m ready to say good riddance anyway, to be honest. I’m tired and scared and angry. I have to go to work tomorrow and try and figure all of this s**t out on my own. I can’t even call out if I wanted to because if I call out, I don’t get paid and I need the money more than ever right now.”
“I’m going to see if her dad will take her for a day or two but I’m not hopeful on that, either, because he’s never had any real alone time with her. if it weren’t for the court-ordered child support, he wouldn’t pay anything at all or probably see her, despite everything he promised me when we were together.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she did not overreact in any way whatsoever.
“I saw red just reading this post. I don’t know if I would have been able to keep from physical violence over the formula alone, never mind the yanking. And I’m not even overwhelmed with a colicky baby, I’m just chilling in my house alone.”
“I can’t imagine how the only thing she did was yelling.”
“I hope she takes this girl to the cleaner.” – InfiniteSlimes
“I’m not a violent person but my oldest was formula-fed after my breast milk supply tanked and this made me see red. That crap was 50+$ 5 years ago, I can’t imagine the price now. I was lucky enough to be able to bf my baby until a year and then I tapped out.”
“This woman deserves to lose some hair at the very least. Maybe some teeth.” – hiskitty110617
“I’m not going to lie, I’ve never been the swing first type, but the minute she put her hand on my child I’d have put my child down safely and taught her a lesson.” – CoffeeIcedBlack
“Baby formula, ESPECIALLY Nutrimigen, is ridiculously expensive, and your roommate had no right to touch your stuff, let alone throw it away. You had every right to be upset. Getting away from her is definitely the best move, you don’t need that kind of stress in your life, especially when you’re already going through so much OP. NTA.” – LushLollipopx
“NTA. That formula is expensive as h**l and she had absolutely no right to touch anything of yours, much less completely make it unusable!”
“You had what I consider to be a totally normal reaction. And yes, you definitely need to get away from this person, like, yesterday.” – Impossible-Cap-7150
Others urged the OP to file a police report and get out of that apartment immediately.
“Go file a police report TODAY. This is theft, for sure, tampering with food, and given that it’s WIC, it might be a major fine. Talk to the police about your situation, and ask for resources for new mothers in dire straights.”
“Given that you’re in a hostile environment with a newborn, they’ll likely find you qualify for battered women’s shelter (free). They will provide you with formula.”
“In no world are you the AH. But take steps to protect you and your child, IMMEDIATELY.”
“You’re living in an environment where someone has committed crimes: to intentionally try to starve your child and attempted assault. You must press charges, and you must not return to such a place. You will qualify for battered women’s home, and they will also be able to get you food.”
“It’s not a permanent solution, but it will work tonight and likely fora couple of months. They can then help arrange a new living situation for you.” – Nvnv_man
“She crossed a line trying to yank the baby away from her mother. There are so many red flags in this story I could barely finish reading. Get out as soon as you can.”
“While you’re at it inform her father because I’m sure you’re not the last roommate that this woman’s going to have problems keeping.” – z00k33per0304
“Sue the ever-loving s**t outta this b***h… file charges, because once they really investigate… they’re gonna call CPS on this b***h.”
“That’s what you need to tell her dad. You are going to be raising your grandchild because YOUR daughter decided to endanger me and my child. Okay, protect your kid, protect her from catching these charges.”
“She literally endangered a child over baby formula and CPS investigation will be opened once you tell them everything that happened once they realize that there is a child in her care because she sounds unstable. Tell Daddy dearest all this s**t and see what the f**k he says now… I bet he’ll let OP get out of the rent.”
“It would cost more for the court and attorney’s fees than to just let OP move out because there’s gonna be a full-blown child services investigation after the allegation… They’re stupid. I’d actually also demand he pays my first and last month’s rent on this new apartment (pain and suffering….I tried nice and now I’m not nice)…. before I get your daughter arrested and have you raising her baby b/c she assaulted me.”
“I promise you, based on his reaction, this isn’t the first time he’s had to bail his ‘princess’ out of some s**t because she’s crazy as h**l.” – amw38961
“If I had anything to do with it, OP’s roommate is going to get a roommate assigned to her by the county, in a very safe facility in an entirely different neighborhood.” – karendonner
“Your roommate just proved that she is willing to endanger your child’s wellbeing by throwing away the pediatrician-recommended formula. And trying to take your baby from you!”ž”
This deserves a police report. Get the law on your side first before she files a reported that you are ‘abusing’ your daughter simply because she doesn’t agree with how you parent. It may also help you get a protective order so she can’t come near you or your child. Violating a protective order is jail time.” – Khaotic_Rainbow
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a few brief, promising updates.
“I’m going to see if I can’t get into a shelter or something. I don’t want to be here any longer anyway. I tried calling her dad to tell him all the s**t she’s pulled, and he straight up declined my call and sent me to voicemail.”
“I am so tired and so angry and wish that I had never moved in with her in the first place because it’s been nothing but drama and bulls**t for the past 10 months.”
“One women’s shelter won’t have space for us until the weekend, but the worker I spoke to said we have a spot available as soon as it comes up. Here’s hoping I can survive my wacko roommate for a few more days and maybe get my money back for the all formula she f**king wasted.”
The subReddit was furious on the OP’s and her daughter’s behalf and admired the OP’s restraint during a time like this. It was clear that she was living in a hostile and unsafe environment, for her and especially for her child. The sooner she got out, the better.