Drafting up a will can be an awkward situation to an already uncomfortable procedure. There are a lot of logistics to figure out, not to mention the emotional impact it will have on loved ones left behind.
One Redditor did not expect the reaction they got when their mother-in-law offered to gift them something that might not be the most coveted asset.
After causing drama, they visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Positive_Slip9383 asked:
"AITA. MIL gifting us 5 timeshares in her will costing us $9500 annually. We asked her not to do this and she lost it."
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My mother-in-law is 'gifting' us five timeshares in her will, and the administrative amount will cost us $9500 annually."
"We are not interested in owning timeshares, nor are we interested in paying that much in admin costs."
The OP went to get a second opinion on the situation and this was the result.
"We asked an attorney, and he said it is expensive and a hassle to try to get rid of the timeshares, so we politely and respectfully asked MIL not to leave those to us in her will."
"She absolutely lost it and was extremely upset, saying we were ungrateful and that she was refusing to change her will."
"We asked if she would be willing to go ahead and transfer the timeshares to someone else before her death, but she refused. AITA?"
"Edited to add: There is a perpetuity clause on these timeshares. She's not leaving my husband or I any money. She has lots of debt. Only leaving us the timeshares."
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
"NTA. Unless she is leaving you with enough money to cover the cost of the $9500 in perpetuity, this is in no way meaningful or a gift. Maybe a lawyer from the appropriate jurisdiction can weigh in, but I can't see how MIL can effectively transfer a debt to another person without their consent."
"I am always suspicious when people get 'extremely upset' in situations like this. She knows this is BS and is upset that she's being called out on it. I would be curious to find out what else is being gifted and to whom in her will."
"It feels to me that MIL is trying to pull a fast one. There's more going on here but OP has no obligation to dig deeper, all they have to do is refuse this 'gift' and shut down all future discussions. I'd just wait. Pretty sure the truth will come out at some point, and it won't be a pretty story." – borisslovechild
"If she's dumb enough to buy five timeshares, then she probably thinks they're a good deal and would be extremely upset since you're telling her she's wrong." – cyberchief
"Yeah. I think she's been taken advantage of, and someone convinced her this is a good idea. That it was an investment. To be told that her kids don't want it, and because they're a liability, makes her face that it was actually a bad idea."
"She thought she was being smart, and now she's confronted with someone saying it's a bad idea. That's what she's reacting to." – Fatigue-error
"That's like my parents spending $80K on a motor home but then only ever driving it to campgrounds where they still have to pay to stay there. At their age, with only doing it a couple times a year, it'll never pay for itself."
"Driving the same distance to a high-end hotel for the same vacation length would be cheaper in the long run, and I wouldn't have to worry about what to do with the stupid thing once they die." – TaliesinWI
"I think MIL was duped on the timeshares and she kind of knows it, but wants to think she has something of value. When her kids say they don't want it, this is confirmation that she made a bad 'investment.' "
"You can legally refuse to inherit a timeshare. You can file a disclaimer of interest with the probate court, but you must do so within a certain time limit. If all heirs reject the timeshare, the timeshare company may foreclose on it." – Physical_Ad5135
"A person does not have to accept anything given to them in a will, be it a house, cash, or anything else. They can simply disclaim the 'gift.' They can disclaim all or part of a will. Just don't tell MIL that you will disclaim it. She doesn't need to know and will never know." – pittsburgpam
"Good advice, but they should pad the cost as timeshares are notorious for increasing maintenance fees, fees that have no contractual cap."
"MIL's probably been brainwashed to believe that the timeshares are valuable assets. They're specifically marketed that way, even as something that can be passed down through inheritance. I'm sure that many that fall prey to the scam buy into the lies as a defense mechanism. Now, when ready to pass on, MIL might be reacting badly to the idea of having to accept the fact that she's been scammed and has been overpaying for something that's next to worthless for years."
"OP. NTA." – disappointedvet
"Yeah, no. My parents were going to do the same."
"When my father passed away, I knew my mother was never going to use her three weeks a year. I tried to swap them out for closer locations etc... waiting lists for up to 5 years... they were paid off (only the annual fees needed to be paid, around $4.5K for three weeks a year) originally we paid the first three years, only went to one time share week, 22 (round trip) hour drive."
"Not worth it for us. Tried to have them rent those weeks... who knows if they did. Tried to sell them, no luck. I just let it lapse, stopped paying the annual fees. Ignored all notices."
"It would have cost us over $15k to cancel through a timeshare cancellation company. NOPE. Time shares are not a gift. They are a true BURDEN." – Traditional-Bag-4508
"NT,A Talk to your attorney again. In most places even if something is willed to you doesn't mean you have to accept it. Let MIL know you plan to refuse it or gift it to an organization, preferably one she doesn't like." – wlfwrtr
"Time shares are NOT a gift! They are burdensome financially and logistically. You are NTA for Not wanting to be bogged down by these boondoggles. She is wrong for foisting these things on you. If she continues to insist on dumping them on you, perhaps contact one of those companies that help people extricate themselves from timeshares."
"I hear ads about those services all the time. Perhaps you can preemptively avoid the potential problems if you have an 'escape' plan in place. And you are NOT ungrateful for Not wanting to be stuck paying all the administrative costs! Good luck!" – GoatMom1998
"NTA. Do not accept a timeshare! They are such a scam that there's an entire industry to help people get out of them and THAT industry is also mostly a scam that takes desperate people's money."
"Talk to the lawyer and make sure you know how to disclaim them when the time comes. You may have only a limited time to do that. Do NOT get involved with any time shares!!" – Jacob1207a
"NTA. Just because she leaves them to you in her will doesn't mean you have to accept them. You told her you don't want them. When she dies, all you need to do is not sign the agreement to transfer them to you." – Oldpuzzlehead
Just because someone leaves you something in a will doesn't mean you have to take it. It's a gift that can be refused, not a mandate.
"That said, she should still try to offload it prior to her death - especially if she is no longer using it - because the disclaimed gift reverts to the estate, and thus, the executioner of the will has to subtract any fees related to selling it from the estate / its residual. And the estate will (in most jurisdictions) be paying the executioner of the will to do so." – Lux_Brumalis
"NTA - Your MIL should understand that you don't want to pay those admin fees. $9500 is a lot and could be used for things, like saving for your retirement."
"Understand that MIL is upset, but maybe try talking with her one more time. If MIL still refuses, I would talk to an attorney about how to refuse the inheritance." – Texas_Tail
Redditors agreed that the offer was not, by any means, a gift but a burden, and they thought the OP was definitely not "ungrateful," as the MIL said.
They strongly advised the OP to refuse the so-called gift to avoid dealing with a major headache in the long run.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp