Just because they’re not going into a formal work setting day in and day out, stay at home parents nonetheless face plenty of challenges and stress.
And a recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated how some factors can make stay-at-home parenting even more difficult than usual.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Petra565 on the site, got straight to the point in the title:
“AITA for not cooking a vegan dinner for my partner every day?”
OP kicked off with some family logistics.
“I am a stay at home mom to our 2 year old daughter and I also take care of his 6 year old son every other week when he’s with us.”
“My partner goes to work and comes back home around 8PM.”
A couple new developments were worth mentioning.
“He recently started going back to work (after working from home for the last 2 years thanks to COVID) and also recently went vegan.”
“The rest of the family is not vegan.
“I cook 2x a day for me and the children, usually not vegan.”
Then OP was hit with a stunning request.
“He’s angry at me because I stay at home all day and he says it should be common courtesy that warm food is waiting for the husband when he comes home, especially when I am a stay at home mom.”
“I do make dinner, but usually not vegan, since I don’t know what to make and I also need the children to eat it. :D”
“So when I do make dinner for him, it’s simple stuff, like fries or a sandwich.”
Apparently, he expected more.
“He’s mad and says that when I’m already in the kitchen, I should cook 2 proper meals (1 for me and the kids and 1 vegan food for him).”
“I’m already so busy with childcare and housework (I do 100% of it). AITA?”
“Should I do it for him?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors agreed that OP wasn’t the a**hole.
Many emphasized the nature of choice.
“NTA. It’s his choice to not eat the food you make for you and the kids. If he’s going to be so fussy about it, he can meal prep his own food for the week over the weekend.”
“Or, he can work with you (finding recipes, ideas, etc) to figure out how to incorporate vegan food for him into whatever you’re making for the the rest of the family (like setting aside a portion of whatever before adding any meat or dairy to it).”
“In any case, he shouldn’t be pissy about you not catering specifically to him if he’s not helping you in any way.” — leahs84
“NTA. Your partner made a lifestyle choice: LIFESTYLE choice that is not consistent with those he lives with… accommodate when you want (maybe a few times a week for meals you like/enjoy); otherwise that is on HIM (not you).”
“If he gets mad, he should grow up and stop expecting people to adapt to his changes.”
“Are you his servant? NO! we don’t live in the 18th century and he isn’t a king.” — BigDaddyTrixter
“NTA – he is 100%. He chose to switch his diet. He needs to figure out how to feed himself.”
“My partner has been vegetarian his entire life. He would NEVER expect me to always have a special dinner ready for him.”
“I do my best but making two separate meals for him and myself and the kids isn’t realistic. I’m sorry that he’s treating you like this. It’s not how a loving partner who respects you behaves.” — Greedy-Text1251
“NTA Because asking you to make 2 meals each night isn’t reasonable. He’s doubling your cooking workload because of his own whim.”
“If it was reversed and your family was vegan and he decided that he was eating meat now I wouldn’t think you’re an AH for not making two meals. I suggest you learn some vegan meals so you can cook one or two nights vegan, but that’s more to be nice.” — trilliumsummer
“NTA. He made a lifestyle choice and he needs to figure out how to make it work rather than expecting you to double up your work.”
“That being said, maybe have a look at a few vegan blogs, there may be some meals that you can cook that would work for the whole family that you wouldn’t have thought of.”
“Even a few nights a week of you eating the same meal would help him out.” — Suspicious_Safety_45
Others took a moment to put his expectations into perspective.
“NTA Maybe you should tell him to be a stay at home dad for 1 week. He’ll see that this isn’t as easy as it looks. If he want to be vegan, fine, but then he will have to cook for himself like the grownup he is.” — PwelOPattes
“NTA. You’re doing all the childcare and housework and he expects you to double one of your tasks because he changed his diet.”
“While learning vegan recipes and incorporating them into the family’s meal rotation would be nice, making him food separately is a bit much.” — LBroil
“NTA. If he decided to go vegan, he can make vegan food for himself. You have a job that is 24/7 and he just works a 40 hour or so week.” — Thia-M3762
“So let me get this straight? You work from you get up, until you go to bed, never have a weekend or holiday off, and he is throwing a tantrum for you not squeezing even more work into your schedule?”
“That is not a man or a husband, that is your 3rd child. What is wrong with these men??? NTA.”
“Make a deal with him; if he does 50% of the housework and child care after both of you have finished your work day, THEN you can look into vegan options.” — Safe_Extension_4044
So if OP takes Reddit’s advice, it looks like her husband had better find another way to make his meals as tasty as he wants them to be.