Relationships between roommates can be a very delicate path to tread.
It likely won’t go unnoticed if one roommate isn’t picking up after themselves or pulling their weight when it comes to cleaning and groceries.
Then too, it’s entirely possible roommates might have very different lifestyles or beliefs, making it extremely important for them to be respectful of one another.
Redditor RespectMyStuffPlease found themself in a very difficult situation, when their roommate’s boyfriend seemed to blatantly ignore their beliefs when spending time in their home.
This resulted in drastic measures being taken.
But concerned they might have overreacted, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wanting my dishes used for meat?”
The OP first revealed their very strict dietary and religious beliefs, something which wasn’t a problem with their roommate until recently.
“I’m vegan and kosher.”
“My roommate who subleases from me month to month is vegetarian.”
“It’s been great, but her new boyfriend is not respectful of our household.”
“I told him not to cook meat in the house once after he made hamburgers in a pan.”
In spite of this warning, the OP’s roommate’s boyfriend seemed to consciously ignore this rule.
“This weekend he made pork bacon in the stove because it’s crazy to expect him to not stay on his diet when he stays overnight, and being keto to him was just as important to him as me being vegan and kosher in my own home.”
His blatant disregard proved too much for the OP, who made a difficult decision regarding their future with their roommate.
“I simply told my roommate that the terms of the lease that we have in writing was it is a vegetarian household.”
“She has been there for two years and she knows this.”
“I told her she has repeatedly broke her lease by having her boyfriend cook here and stay over.”
“I told her she needs to find a new place to live.”
“I’m not negotiating because she knew that.”
“Her boyfriend who sometimes stays over knew that and I am not forgiving him or tolerating him.”
“She started crying and saying she told him but he thought my rules were stupid and discriminatory because he’s not Jewish or vegetarian.”
“I showed her on her lease agreement where we talk about food and overnight guests and she started crying again saying she has no place to stay.”
“I was feeling sorry for her until her boyfriend sent me a lovely text that included words that I can’t post to Reddit including those that start with (b, c, and k).”
“I’m saving these texts and am planning to file a restraining order on him and going to start the eviction process on her.”
“I feel bad because she was a good roommate and friend before he came into the picture.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community firmly sided with the OP, feeling they were in no way the a**hole for evicting their roommate.
Just about everyone agreed the behavior of the OP’s roommate’s boyfriend more than warranted evicting her, particularly as she broke a stipulation within the lease.
“I wouldn’t want meat residue on my cooking utensils and bacon makes everything smell like that for hours.”
“He’s not respecting your beliefs in your home.”
“And then he’s racist besides?”
“I’d give the roommate an ultimatum: the boyfriend isn’t allowed in the house or get out.”
“Go stay with him.”- PurbleDragon
“This was important enough for you to have it in the actual lease.”
“Your roommate knew this.”
“And she is a huge a**hole for bringing someone into the house that would so blatantly disrespect your house.”
“Your roommate should have more a backbone, and you should absolutely not let her huge asshole of a boyfriend back into the house.”-tikhead.
“Obviously, this is quite important to you, so much that you had a written agreement with your roommate as part of her lease.”
“This would be the same as breaking a no-pets or no-smoking part of a lease.”
“She broke the agreement & that’s that.”
“Most people might not agree with you, or at least not do that themselves, but that does not matter.”
“This is a specific stipulation that you want & took proper steps to ensure, and that’s what matters.”
“Her boyfriend has his own place (I’m assuming since he’s not there everyday).”
“He can go cook & eat there.”
“His text rant was way out of line.”
“Your roommate might think you’re the AH because you’re holding her responsible for her own agreement… but she can always just go stay with her BF.”- AbbyBirb.
“You have every right to keep a kosher home without exception.”
“The roommate allowed her boyfriend to violate the terms of the lease.”
“Her mistake has consequences and you have no reason to believe it wouldn‘t happen again.”
“It’s a shame, but it’s their shame not yours.”
“Btw- I’m not Jewish or vegetarian.”-1969VintageWhine
“You had an agreement.”
“Her boyfriend is TA and if he’s not willing to respect the terms of the household on a signed lease, then he’s TA for not listening AND putting his girlfriend in a shitty situation.”
“That roommate should definitely not put up with that boyfriend.”
“If he wants meat, he can go home and eat there.”- toeknee616
“I’m also not Jewish nor vegan/vegetarian.”
“Apparently there’s a lot of people on here that don’t know about kosher kitchens.”
“Cooking pork in a kosher kitchen is an a**hole move on its own.”
“And that was after you told him not to cook meat in your kitchen.”
“Roommate is one for not enforcing the rules with boyfriend.”
“Her actions or lack of are the reasons you’re evicting her.”
“As for the RO I would get one too.”
“Who knows what he will do now that you’re evicting his girlfriend.”
“You do what you have to do.”
“It’s your home your rules.”-cancergirl-peanut65
A few Redditors expressed how the roommate’s boyfriend’s blatant disregard for the OP’s religious beliefs was an even more serious issue than many readers might realize.
“NTA : As a Jew, I commend OP for doing her part to try and find a roommate that works for you.”
“For those who aren’t Jewish, this isn’t a simple difference of beliefs regarding vegetarian versus non, there’s an entire host of religious aspects here as well.”
“A lot of goyim don’t get that keeping kosher is much more than not eating pork for some people.
“The Halacha surrounding food is extensive to the point that OP might be facing replacement of the oven/range depending on her practice.”
“The fact that she wrote her dietary restrictions into a sublease agreement and the roommate agreed knowing it was due to religious restrictions and still allowed her boyfriend to use the oven to cook pork is hateful.”
“I guess it’s one of those instances where [if you know you know].”
“I wouldn’t bring a beer into a sober person’s home when all residents have agreed to refrain from doing so and the guest has been told the home is alcohol free.”- passingthroughcbus
“NTA–I just about gasped when I read that he cooked bacon in your oven.”
“‘No pork’ is like one of the kosher rules most folks know about even if they were ignorant about other aspects.”
“There’s no way he did that for any other reason than to be an antagonistic bigot.”
“She would, in fact, have a place to stay if she left the guy who jeopardized her living situation.”
“She chose to back up a bigoted AH instead.”-TheGentleOctopus
A few felt the OP’s decision was the right one, but if their roommate was repentant, they were worthy of a second chance.
“If your roommate cannot respect the rules she agreed to (which includes proactively enforcing them on her guests), then she is in violation of the agreement.”
“It’s appalling that she thought his nonsense about why he didn’t feel the rules applied to him was in any way a defense.”
“Now, if she apologized and agreed to never have him over again, that would be a step towards remorse (I would probably still insist that she replace the plates he used or at least be involved in the re-kashering process), and you should give her another chance.”
“But it doesn’t sound like she’s done that”
There were also some who sympathized with the OP’s roommate, believing she was in an unhealthy relationship she needed to get out of.
“Your home, your rules.”
“It’s even in the lease.”
“He’s a guest and if he doesn’t like the house rules, he doesn’t have to eat there.”
“I feel bad for your roommate though.”
“Not for anything you’re doing, but because of her boyfriend.”
“He doesn’t respect her enough to go with the house rules and now she’s being evicted because of HIS hard-headed selfishness.”
“Hopefully she sees that sooner rather than later.”- malvathings
It does seem like the roommate’s boyfriend is very bad news indeed.
And it is very upsetting that she seemed to defend his actions, even though she knew he was not only breaking the specific rules of her lease, but ignoring her dietary restrictions as well.
Here’s hoping she finds somewhere safe to live, and here’s hoping the OP will find a new roommate more respectful of her religious beliefs.