The Gilmore Girls is a classic show for many.
It can be considered necessary watching.
But the show is not for everybody.
A lot of men seem to ignore it.
Sometimes, if it's suggested for viewing in a certain way, a new audience member can be born.
Redditor No_Newspaper_559 to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for telling my husband he can watch the show I'd been recommending by himself after he only agreed to watch it when his cousin recommended it?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Hi, just looking for a quick judgment, this might sound petty, and if it is and if I'm behaving like an AH, I'll drop the issue and apologize."
"I've been recommending Gilmore Girls to my husband for something to watch, since we started dating, really."
"I even showed him some clips, and he said he'd pass, which was fine with me."
"I've loved it since I was a teenager, and I also understand it's not for everyone."
"Since I've known him, I've probably watched the show twice over, by myself."
"Yesterday we were at a family dinner, where a lot of his extended family were as well, and a cousin he's close to."
"Anyway, today after dinner, as we were watching TV, he put on Netflix, searched up Gilmore Girls with full intent, and then said his cousin had told him his wife got him hooked on this show, it's become a guilty pleasure of his."
"I honestly thought he was messing with me."
"I told him I'd suggested it countless times, and my vouching for it had never been good enough, but his cousin's word was gospel."
"He was just like, 'Are you sure this is the same show?' which just made me madder."
"I told him I'd seen it twice since I knew him because he never watched it with me, so he can watch it by himself, and I just went to our room."
"I heard him put it on for like a minute, and then he seemed to have switched to something else."
The OP was left to wonder:
"I'm sorry for posting something so petty, but really, AITA for my reaction?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that it sounded like OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. Anyone saying you're an a**hole hasn't experienced the incredible frustration of having men only listen to other men whilst dismissing or outright ignoring women." ~ Klutzy_Start708
"No kidding, and not just men who listen to them."
"I've been telling my mum for 18 years that she plays her radio way too loud, but she's not believed me."
"My brother stayed over for one night a month ago and told her the same, and she believed him the first time."
"I'm irrationally irritated with both of them." ~ Sinvisigoth
"Exactly."
"This isn't about Gilmore Girls, this is about having your opinion or even knowledge straight up invalidated by men and then suddenly treated like pearls of fucking wisdom when it comes from some other man."
"This happens to women constantly, and it makes me ragey as hell."
"100% NTA." ~ Comfortable_Bath3953
"I agree OP is NTA, but I have experienced basically the same situation as the OP, but as a man with my male friend."
"I had recommended Peep Show to my friend and played an episode on his TV when we were hanging out at his place, but he was not interested at all."
"He moved out of state, and we lost touch for a few years, and the first time I visited him, he recommended it to me!" ~ comingabout
"Exactly this!"
"I recommended a movie to my husband when we were dating, and he dismissed me."
"A month later, he told me he saw this really great movie (the one I told him about) and recommended it to me!"
"I was livid to say the least."
"We joke about it now, but, yes, this is an infuriating thing men do."
"NTA for getting mad."
"It was justified." ~ bluesuedeplaid
"Dead on."
"I've had several exes pull this on me, me recommending a show and them just flat out refusing (shows like Bojack Horseman and Game of Thrones too, not even something that might be considered 'feminine,' not that that excuses it) only to have one of their bros recommend them to be totally down to watch."
"It always felt like a very personal slight." ~ kati8303
"The people calling you the a-hole are missing the point."
"NTA, you're upset because your husband ignored you for years about something, yet listened when it was presented by someone else one time."
"I'm willing to bet this isn't the first time he's done something like this." ~ buffhen
"NTA. I bet he got turned off at the thought that it was a female-oriented show, and only opened up to trying it when a male recommended it."
"You don't mention ages, but it sounds like the kind of thinking that young men use."
"It's annoying and immature, but it's not a big deal unless you make it so." ~ TheWacoFogey
"I agree, although both hubby and I are guilty of dismissing a show then when the other is watching it by themselves, just half listening, and the next thing we know we are hooked."
"The difference being we don't only want to watch after someone else recommends it as well."
"Oh, and NTA." ~ Environmental_Art591
"NTA, I totally get where you're coming from. "
"The number of times I've been in this situation with men it's too many to count."
"There's an episode of Modern Family that does the perfect job of showing this VERY common scenario - Phil has a wedge salad at a restaurant and Claire is pissed because she's been telling him how good it is for years and he doesn't try it till he's at that same place with a buddy who recommends it - it's always something simple like that." ~ Careless-Being-4427
"NTA, but the cousin is a red herring. It's not really about him listening to his cousin; it's the fact that he kept rejecting you and wouldn't try something that you're obviously interested in and asked to share multiple times." ~ fndnvolusrgofksb
"NTA. The Wedge Salad episode of Modern Family."
"This is something men do so much to us; we all think of the same episode of a TV show when it happens."
"I would be SO annoyed/pissed, and want a real talk/understanding of how he listens to me."
"Honestly, he may not realise he's doing it, but that doesn't make it okay." ~ Straight-Nerve-5101
"NTA. It can feel hurtful to recommend something over and over to someone, and the second someone else does, they acknowledge it."
"I think just have a calm talk with him when you're less heated because realistically it's not even fully about Gilmore Girls, it's about the way it made you feel." ~ Medical-Rain-8614
"NTA. Does he do this about other stuff, too?"
"I'd be really upset as well."
"If I were in this position with my husband, I'd feel like he doesn't value my opinion."
"I do think you should talk to him about how it makes you feel and resolve the issue."
"Hopefully, he'll be more willing to listen to you and consider your opinion moving forward." ~ Huntsvegas97
"NAH. His cousin told him that her husband got hooked on it."
"That's just excellent marketing."
"Don't compare your simple suggestion to that." ~ Remarkable-0815
"NTA OP!"
"My ex used to do this s**t all the time."
"We'd been together for 14 years and pretty much thought everything I ever suggested was dumb or beneath him."
"But when his gaggle of buddies would suggest the same f**king thing… he'd act like he was told something magical."
"I hope this isn't a consistent thing across the board… otherwise, that really won't be healthy for you." ~ jojosouhaite2
"NTA... I'd be upset, too."
"It sounds to me like your husband had convinced himself or heard somewhere that this was a show that is geared toward women, that women were the only ones who liked it, and certain men said certain things about other men who liked it."
"Then, when another guy said he liked it, it became okay to watch, and that's why your husband is willing to give it a shot now."
"I obviously don't know your husband, but that's the vibe I get when Gilmore Girls is brought up in mixed gender settings."
"It doesn't make him an AH necessarily, it makes him a little socially dependent on other people, though."
"That said, this is your chance to watch your show with your husband."
"Do you want to do that?"
"This may be your only chance to do so if you drop it and create a safe space for watching the show."
"Right now it's 'the show that my cousin said was good, but my wife yelled at me for it' which doesn't make it conducive to watching."
"That's my 2 cents anyway."
"Good luck!" ~ Bullwinkle932000
"NTA. Not only did he not try out the show you repeatedly recommended until someone ELSE told him about it, but he tried to gaslight you by asking if you were sure it was the same show."
"He's doubling down on shi**y behavior."
"This isn't a small thing, OP." ~ pennywhistlesmoonpie
OP came back to chat...
"I haven't gotten a chance to go over all the comments."
"The first few had made the point that this really isn't a hill to die on."
"I told him why I reacted the way I did, he said the way I described it, and the clips versus the way his cousin did were very different."
"He didn't mean to blow me off."
"So anyway, we're watching it now."
Reddit is with you, OP.
Some partners just don't listen closely enough the first few times.
You're right, this is not a hill to die on.
There are bigger fish to fry.
Enjoy the show!
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp