The Gilmore Girls is a classic show for many.
It can be considered necessary watching.
But the show is not for everybody.
A lot of men seem to ignore it.
Sometimes, if it's suggested for viewing in a certain way, a new audience member can be born.
Redditor No_Newspaper_559 to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for telling my husband he can watch the show I'd been recommending by himself after he only agreed to watch it when his cousin recommended it?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Hi, just looking for a quick judgment, this might sound petty, and if it is and if I'm behaving like an AH, I'll drop the issue and apologize."
"I've been recommending Gilmore Girls to my husband for something to watch, since we started dating, really."
"I even showed him some clips, and he said he'd pass, which was fine with me."
"I've loved it since I was a teenager, and I also understand it's not for everyone."
"Since I've known him, I've probably watched the show twice over, by myself."
"Yesterday we were at a family dinner, where a lot of his extended family were as well, and a cousin he's close to."
"Anyway, today after dinner, as we were watching TV, he put on Netflix, searched up Gilmore Girls with full intent, and then said his cousin had told him his wife got him hooked on this show, it's become a guilty pleasure of his."
"I honestly thought he was messing with me."
"I told him I'd suggested it countless times, and my vouching for it had never been good enough, but his cousin's word was gospel."
"He was just like, 'Are you sure this is the same show?' which just made me madder."
"I told him I'd seen it twice since I knew him because he never watched it with me, so he can watch it by himself, and I just went to our room."
"I heard him put it on for like a minute, and then he seemed to have switched to something else."
The OP was left to wonder:
"I'm sorry for posting something so petty, but really, AITA for my reaction?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that it sounded like OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. Anyone saying you're an a**hole hasn't experienced the incredible frustration of having men only listen to other men whilst dismissing or outright ignoring women." ~ Klutzy_Start708
"No kidding, and not just men who listen to them."
"I've been telling my mum for 18 years that she plays her radio way too loud, but she's not believed me."
"My brother stayed over for one night a month ago and told her the same, and she believed him the first time."
"I'm irrationally irritated with both of them." ~ Sinvisigoth
"Exactly."
"This isn't about Gilmore Girls, this is about having your opinion or even knowledge straight up invalidated by men and then suddenly treated like pearls of fucking wisdom when it comes from some other man."
"This happens to women constantly, and it makes me ragey as hell."
"100% NTA." ~ Comfortable_Bath3953
"I agree OP is NTA, but I have experienced basically the same situation as the OP, but as a man with my male friend."
"I had recommended Peep Show to my friend and played an episode on his TV when we were hanging out at his place, but he was not interested at all."
"He moved out of state, and we lost touch for a few years, and the first time I visited him, he recommended it to me!" ~ comingabout
"Exactly this!"
"I recommended a movie to my husband when we were dating, and he dismissed me."
"A month later, he told me he saw this really great movie (the one I told him about) and recommended it to me!"
"I was livid to say the least."
"We joke about it now, but, yes, this is an infuriating thing men do."
"NTA for getting mad."
"It was justified." ~ bluesuedeplaid
"Dead on."
"I've had several exes pull this on me, me recommending a show and them just flat out refusing (shows like Bojack Horseman and Game of Thrones too, not even something that might be considered 'feminine,' not that that excuses it) only to have one of their bros recommend them to be totally down to watch."
"It always felt like a very personal slight." ~ kati8303
"The people calling you the a-hole are missing the point."
"NTA, you're upset because your husband ignored you for years about something, yet listened when it was presented by someone else one time."
"I'm willing to bet this isn't the first time he's done something like this." ~ buffhen
"NTA. I bet he got turned off at the thought that it was a female-oriented show, and only opened up to trying it when a male recommended it."
"You don't mention ages, but it sounds like the kind of thinking that young men use."
"It's annoying and immature, but it's not a big deal unless you make it so." ~ TheWacoFogey
"I agree, although both hubby and I are guilty of dismissing a show then when the other is watching it by themselves, just half listening, and the next thing we know we are hooked."
"The difference being we don't only want to watch after someone else recommends it as well."
"Oh, and NTA." ~ Environmental_Art591
"NTA, I totally get where you're coming from. "
"The number of times I've been in this situation with men it's too many to count."
"There's an episode of Modern Family that does the perfect job of showing this VERY common scenario - Phil has a wedge salad at a restaurant and Claire is pissed because she's been telling him how good it is for years and he doesn't try it till he's at that same place with a buddy who recommends it - it's always something simple like that." ~ Careless-Being-4427
"NTA, but the cousin is a red herring. It's not really about him listening to his cousin; it's the fact that he kept rejecting you and wouldn't try something that you're obviously interested in and asked to share multiple times." ~ fndnvolusrgofksb
"NTA. The Wedge Salad episode of Modern Family."
"This is something men do so much to us; we all think of the same episode of a TV show when it happens."
"I would be SO annoyed/pissed, and want a real talk/understanding of how he listens to me."
"Honestly, he may not realise he's doing it, but that doesn't make it okay." ~ Straight-Nerve-5101
"NTA. It can feel hurtful to recommend something over and over to someone, and the second someone else does, they acknowledge it."
"I think just have a calm talk with him when you're less heated because realistically it's not even fully about Gilmore Girls, it's about the way it made you feel." ~ Medical-Rain-8614
"NTA. Does he do this about other stuff, too?"
"I'd be really upset as well."
"If I were in this position with my husband, I'd feel like he doesn't value my opinion."
"I do think you should talk to him about how it makes you feel and resolve the issue."
"Hopefully, he'll be more willing to listen to you and consider your opinion moving forward." ~ Huntsvegas97
"NAH. His cousin told him that her husband got hooked on it."
"That's just excellent marketing."
"Don't compare your simple suggestion to that." ~ Remarkable-0815
"NTA OP!"
"My ex used to do this s**t all the time."
"We'd been together for 14 years and pretty much thought everything I ever suggested was dumb or beneath him."
"But when his gaggle of buddies would suggest the same f**king thing… he'd act like he was told something magical."
"I hope this isn't a consistent thing across the board… otherwise, that really won't be healthy for you." ~ jojosouhaite2
"NTA... I'd be upset, too."
"It sounds to me like your husband had convinced himself or heard somewhere that this was a show that is geared toward women, that women were the only ones who liked it, and certain men said certain things about other men who liked it."
"Then, when another guy said he liked it, it became okay to watch, and that's why your husband is willing to give it a shot now."
"I obviously don't know your husband, but that's the vibe I get when Gilmore Girls is brought up in mixed gender settings."
"It doesn't make him an AH necessarily, it makes him a little socially dependent on other people, though."
"That said, this is your chance to watch your show with your husband."
"Do you want to do that?"
"This may be your only chance to do so if you drop it and create a safe space for watching the show."
"Right now it's 'the show that my cousin said was good, but my wife yelled at me for it' which doesn't make it conducive to watching."
"That's my 2 cents anyway."
"Good luck!" ~ Bullwinkle932000
"NTA. Not only did he not try out the show you repeatedly recommended until someone ELSE told him about it, but he tried to gaslight you by asking if you were sure it was the same show."
"He's doubling down on shi**y behavior."
"This isn't a small thing, OP." ~ pennywhistlesmoonpie
OP came back to chat...
"I haven't gotten a chance to go over all the comments."
"The first few had made the point that this really isn't a hill to die on."
"I told him why I reacted the way I did, he said the way I described it, and the clips versus the way his cousin did were very different."
"He didn't mean to blow me off."
"So anyway, we're watching it now."
Reddit is with you, OP.
Some partners just don't listen closely enough the first few times.
You're right, this is not a hill to die on.
There are bigger fish to fry.
Enjoy the show!
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.