Allergies are a serious issue.
It’s amazing that some people still don’t take them seriously.
It’s an unfortunate burden for so many people.
People with allergies have to check and double-check the menu for any event they attend.
Some times even the location itself to make sure it’s safe.
Otherwise, drama can ensue.
Case in point…
Redditor theannoyin_friend wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not checking with the bride about my allergy thrice?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“It was my cousin’s wedding a couple days ago.”
“I am allergic to peanuts so 2 days before the wedding I asked her if there were any dishes served that had peanuts in it so that I could avoid eating that.”
“She told me she’ll check with the caterers and inform me on the day of the wedding.”
“Fast forward to the day I asked her which dishes had the nuts in them and she told me none of them did.”
“After lunch, I started to feel my throat closing in and my skin itching.”
“Thankfully, I had my EpiPen with and stabbed it into my thigh.”
“All this had attracted quite the attention, and people were surrounding me.”
“I was fine but went to the hospital just to be safe.”
“I later got texts from the bride and her siblings about how it was incredibly selfish of me to steal the attention from the bride and a bunch of cuss words.”
“My family thinks it was her who endangered my life and should apologize.”
“She says I should have just sucked it up.”
“I was sure I wasn’t in the wrong, but now I’m not so sure.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Man I could only imagine if it was found out that OP had asked if anything contained nuts and she had said none of them did, and OP died.”
“Like… That might be considered manslaughter?” ~ No-Appearance1145
“I believe it’s negligent homicide technically, but yeah, she could have been prosecuted.”
“It’s a crime. NTA.” ~ opinionswelcomehere
“There’s a private chef whose business email is the ymail version of one of my old gmail accounts, so for years, people have apparently been seeing/hearing ymail and assuming that can’t possibly be correct and emailing me instead.”
“Usually, I ignore them, but once I got one letting her know about allergies for a catering job.”
“THAT one I forwarded to her.”
“It was written in a way where not getting a reply wouldn’t have made the sender feel the need to follow up, so I could easily envision them telling the person with the allergy that they’d told the caterer and everyone thinking it was fine.”
“Probably unlikely the chef or I would have gotten in legal trouble if I hadn’t forwarded it and something happened, but still.”
“Us not getting in trouble wouldn’t mean it wasn’t a problem!” ~ abfa00
“It’s very possible that the bride could be sued… I’m no lawyer, but this is the kind of situation that civil law was made for.”
“The bride expressly told OP that the food was safe, and it wasn’t… OP had to use an EpiPen, and had to go to the hospital.”
“And afterward… Bridezilla was only upset about how people were paying attention to the person having a medical emergency and not HER.”
“The nerve of some people! NTA.” ~ canuckleheadiam
“Maybe OP should apologize, something like: I’m sorry because I didn’t die silently during your reception.”
“Next time you try to kill me, I will be sure to roll gently under the table before passing away.” ~ Black_Whisper
“I would go with ‘I’m sorry I trusted you when I asked if any dishes had peanuts in them.'”
“‘And I’m sorry, I thought you were smart enough to double check since you would have realized that if I had an allergic reaction during your wedding, I would have attracted attention.'” ~ Fergus74
“It is a good lesson to always, always ask the caterer themselves.”
“If you have to find the kitchen and check with the people making the food.”
“I have a seafood allergy and have been to a few weddings down south that were 80% seafood.”
“I just went back to the kitchen and worked with them about what didn’t share pans with the seafood.”
“The bride had no idea what was cooked with what.” ~ Music_withRocks_In
“This!!! For your own safety, I would definitely ask the caterers.”
“Brides have a million things going on. Everyone is asking them a ton of questions – this doesn’t excuse them.”
“But I’m just saying they are so busy and distracted. I wouldn’t be relying on them for life-threatening information.” ~ Beneficial-Way-8742
“This! The brides reaction wasn’t great, but all she knows is that the caterer is paid and the menu they picked.”
“2 days before the wedding is not the time to be asking them to check for an ingredients list- OP needed to ask to check a lot sooner or checked with the caterer themselves.” ~ PossumPrincess13
“Yeah I agree. It feels like an ESH situation because OP should’ve just included it on their invite or at the very beginning of planning that they had a peanut allergy.”
“Also, people are saying that the bride could be sued for manslaughter, but like she has no idea what’s in the food?”
“for all we know, she probably told the caterers, but they didn’t comply?”
“At the same time, the bride shouldn’t have sent those texts to OP after they had to go to the hospital.” ~ PotentialGap2128
OP had a few extra deets…
“So many people have asked why I waited till the last two days to ask her and I did that because my whole family knows I’m allergic to peanuts.”
“And during occasional gatherings I’ll ask or they’ll tell me if something they prepared had peanuts or was prepared in a utensil that had traces of it i.e., cross-contamination.”
“I didn’t want her to change her menu for me and would’ve eaten nothing if there weren’t anything.”
“I don’t mind cuz I don’t want to inconvenience people just because of me and have her plan hereby around me.”
“Also, in our culture, we don’t really have RSVPs AND especially those that ask about your allergies lol.”
“I just avoid eating when I go to weddings that aren’t my close friends’ or family’s.”
“Also, I couldn’t possibly ask the caterers as the teenage boys and girls of the family serve the food which was arranged by the caterers.”
Reddit continued…
“Just suck it up and die quietly under the table. Stay under the tablecloth, though so your blue and red mottled face doesn’t clash with the pastel colour theme, thanks.” ~ Rowanever
“I would point out to the bridezilla and her siblingzillas that if you had died at the wedding, it would really be an attention getter, and she would have the ‘fond’ memory of your death on her wedding day.”
“I hope that you have cut off all contact with her.”
“She is not worth the effort to continue contact.” ~ content_great_gramma
“NTA, but you shouldn’t have waited until 2 days before the wedding to notify them of your allergy.”
“What would you have done if the answer was all of them?”
“And if you have such a strong allergic reaction, you really need to be more careful with how you approach eating at events like this.”
“It’s up to you to do due diligence on the food as well.”
“You should have asked the wait staff to check the food that you were being served and not taken the word of a more than likely stressed and busy bride on the day of her wedding.” ~ timeforgotten1
“Exactly, they are cousins.”
“But cousins can be distantly related and barely ever seen.”
“I haven’t seen some of mine in 30 years.”
“I doubt that the bride on her special day really cared too much about his allergy.”
“They were wrong for how they reacted, but it’s his allergy, his responsibility to check that the food was okay.” ~ timeforgotten1
“It is not a reasonable request two days before a wedding.”
“At that point, the caterer has already prepped and started cooking, and there’s the risk of cross-contamination.”
“OP should’ve made the bride aware of it way in advance, not when she’s in the middle of the craziest 48 hours imaginable. ESH.” ~ScamIam
“NTA. Wow, how selfish of you to steal the spotlight with your anaphylactic shock.”
“Maybe next time, leave your allergies at home.”
“Jesus, some people… Peanut allergies can be life-threatening.”
“You had no other choice but to use your EpiPen.”
“You informed her of your allergy twice, and were given false information.”
“This isn’t on you in any way.” ~ WolfGoddess77
“NTA. You asked twice, and your cousin told you nothing had nuts in it – she obviously didn’t check.”
“You didn’t have an allergic reaction intentionally, and it’s not something you can just ‘suck it up’ so your family can apologize to you or you just have to let it go, but in no scenario are you in the wrong.” ~ lilbearr
OP, Reddit seems to be with you.
You have to be careful.
Food is a life and death situation for you.
Good luck with the family and future menus.