It’s no secret that weddings are expensive to plan, so it’s important to plan according to your budget.
If you can’t afford to host all of the important people in your life, you’ll have to pick and choose, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Adorable_Distance_15 recently attended a friend’s wedding where the family had clearly skimped on some expenses, including the amount of food that was catered in.
Because the wedding party went up for seconds and thirds before the rest of the reception could even get a plate, the Original Poster (OP) did the most reasonable thing he could when he realized the food was gone: he ordered pizza.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for ordering pizza at my friend’s wedding because there was no food?”
The OP recently attended a good friend’s wedding.
“My wife and I were invited to my friend’s wedding. The wedding was going to have about 70 people with mostly family.”
“When we got there, we were seated at a table with some other people. They were nice people, and we mingled well and had a good time chatting.”
“The wedding was also quite nice; both my friend and his new wife were very happy.”
“After the ceremony, every table got two bottles of wine, bread/butter, and there also was an open bar, so we started to have a few drinks.”
“Then the food came out, it looked really good. The food was setup for buffet. I was half-buzzed and looking forward to getting some food in my belly.”
But it turned out that the wedding party didn’t plan out the catering very well.
“When it was time to eat, every few tables at a time were going to get called, which is fine. The first few tables that were called were understandably the family of both sides, and then the rest were.”
“The problem was that the family members (his Inlaws) were larger people. Now, I don’t shame people for how much they eat, but I noticed the size of the helpings of food they had while I was patiently waiting for us to be called. I also noticed that they went for seconds before all the tables were called and no one stopped them.”
“I didn’t say anything, though I thought that was rude; I just assumed that there was just a lot of food.”
“To my surprise by the time we were called, there was nothing left. I asked if there was more coming out and apparently that already occurred. So we grabbed the little we could and went back to sit down and ate the scraps.”
The OP did the most reasonable thing he could think of.
“We were all still pretty hungry and a bit p**sed off so we kinda bash-talked that the first few tables ate all the food.”
“Someone mentioned that they could go for some pizza, and then I had the drunken idea of ordering some right there, lol (laughing out loud). So that is what we did; we all pitched in and ordered four large pizzas and some chicken wings from a local pizza joint close to the venue so it didn’t take long to be delivered.”
“I met the guy outside and brought the food to our table and we started to eat.”
“Some of the other tables noticed and asked where the pizza came from. Apparently, some of the other tables close to ours didn’t get any food, either, so we shared with them.”
“This caused some commotion because other people were looking for, and asking the wedding party if there was pizza available. I guess there were others that didn’t get to eat, either. We did share with anyone who asked us.”
The bride and groom were frustrated about the pizza ruining their wedding’s aesthetics.
“My friend came to talk to me about why I ordered the food, his bride was not happy about it (it ruined the aesthetics), so I told him that we didn’t get to eat, and that the food ran out long before our table was called, and we were really hungry.”
“He then asked why we didn’t just step out and eat and then come back.”
“Though annoyed about that, I respecfully explained to him that we were all drinking on an empty stomach and that it probably wasn’t the best idea to have drunk people walking around looking for food.”
“I don’t think he liked that but went back to his bride who was glaring at us. Like, what were we supposed to do, starve?”
Then the bride and groom sent reinforcements to the OP’s table.
“This wasn’t the end, though.”
As we were finishing eating. One of the in-laws came to our table and he asked where the pizza came from.”
“This is where I may be the AH. There were two slices left, and I knew he was eyeing them. I asked the other people at my table if they wanted one, and everyone declined.”
“This guy then said he’d have one. I then took the two slices, I put them on my plate, and I started to eat them. Then I looked at him and said something like, ‘No, you and everyone at your tables had way more than your fair share of the buffet, and ate all of it. This is the reason we ordered food in the first place. And now you have the nerve to ask us to share.'”
“His face went red, and he returned to his table. There was a lot discussion going on there, and they were all looking back at us with daggers.”
“The bride looked even more ticked off at us, and she had a bit of an argument with my friend. He eventually came back to tell us we had to leave.”
“I didn’t mean to start any problems, so me and my wife called a cab and left.”
The OP and his friend later cleared the air, somewhat.
“My friend called me a few days later, and we had a long talk. I explained my perspective, and he agreed that his in-laws were really rude for eating all the food and leaving most of the other guests with very little.”
“A lot of people actually complained to him about it. Everyone was drinking, thinking that there would be food, and they were disappointed.”
“He was upset with his in-laws because he told them how many guests there would be and to order the food for that many people. He also saw how much they were taking but assumed they ordered enough, but he was wrong.”
“He brought this up with his wife, and she said that apparently because the in-laws paid for the alcohol and the food, they felt entitled to eat what they wanted, she was really mad at them, and reamed them out for tainting her special day.”
“He also said a lot of the other non-family guests started to leave soon after we left because they too were hungry. They still had fun celebrating but it did kinda put a downer on their special day. Out of 70 people, about 30 left.”
“I also found out that guy that came to our table was his FIL (Father-in-Law). His FIL was really embarrassed by what I said to him, and he felt pretty bad when he found out that close to half the guests didn’t get to eat anything and left early.”
“So AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that the wedding party could have planned out more catering.
“A family member had a similar-sized wedding awhile back.”
“The caterer handed out the same portions to everybody the first time through so that everybody got fed. Seconds were a free-for-all.”
“Later in the night, there was a table full of personal-sized pizzas. We were eating pizza for a week after the fact.” – BarelyHangingOn
“I literally had my wedding a week ago. Mind you, it was brunch, and I did the food myself with the help of friends.”
“It was serve-yourself situation. But we had plenty of food. There were about 60 people, and I easily could have served another dozen. No one went hungry. The only thing we ran out of was champagne.” – jadamm7
“Funny how the wedding party noticed the pizza but were too oblivious to realize why it was necessary for it to be ordered in the first place.” – ListenToThatSound
“NTA. You don’t go for seconds until all the tables have been called. As is tradition.”
“HOSTING a party is about ensuring your guests have an enjoyable time. The demand to have unfed guests go out to collect and eat food just really compounds the classlessness of this event. Aesthetic over all!” – jewel_flip
“NTA. There is no reason other tables should’ve had seconds before you had firsts. I can understand miscalculating how much food would be needed, but they didn’t even try to triage.” – ViewtifulGene
Others agreed and felt the father-in-law (FIL) had a lot of nerve to ask for pizza.
“I still can’t believe the FIL asked for pizza, lol (laughing out loud). He had no pride or shame, clearly. NTA.” – Technical_Ad_6594
“The older I get, the more I understand why we have to have stupid signs warning people not to do this or that, why we have to legislate no-brainer laws, and why we as a society have to be policed by law enforcement. Because people can’t think about other people enough to share the food around or understand that if a table has to order pizza, the orderers are not the problem. Ugh!” – Fun_Client_6232
“NTA. If the catering company was told there would be 70 people, they would prepare for 100. In this case, they were told 40 people (the in-laws), so they prepared for 60 normal eating people, tops.”
“The In-laws are ashamed only because the other side saw that they are cheapskates. Also, if tables are called out for buffet, etiquette is to wait for all party to have a plate before you go for seconds.” – igramigru101
“This sounds less like a ‘they got seconds’ problem and more a ‘they didn’t order enough food for the catering’ problem. No matter how big the family is, getting seconds shouldn’t mean that 30 out of 70 people don’t get fed.”
“I’m guessing they cheaped out on catering and hoped for the best, and then the natural consequences for their actions came along.” – AITAthrowaway1mil
“This is nuts to me. The bride has no reason to be upset at friends.”
“1. It was her own family that ordered food and took unreasonably large servings.”
“2. She could have anticipated the issue knowing her family by having caterers serve portioned mains at the very least.”
“3. She may not have noticed her family going through the line twice before tables were called, but this is totally on her family.”
“4. This is not the first wedding to run out of food. It would have taken less than the cost of tipping the caterers to order some cheap Domino’s pizzas. Drunk people don’t care, they just need food.”
“5. The rest of the guests who left didn’t leave due to the pizza. They left because they were hungry and because the bride and groom got p**sy instead being flexible and putting a plan in place to feed their guests.” – arkieg
After receiving feedback, the OP offered some clarifications and shared an update.
“My goodness, I didn’t think I was going to get this kind of response lol (laughing out loud), so many comments!”
“The only reason I ordered the pizzas was because I was drinking. All I ate that day was a sandwich for lunch and some bread that was at the table, so I needed something more substantial in my stomach so I wouldn’t get sick, so no I couldn’t wait it out a few hours.”
“I wasn’t the only person drinking, either, because the open bar was booming. However, I guess I could have held back on drinking a bit until the food came out.”
“Those saying that I fat-shammed the FIL, I’m going to have to disagree. I didn’t say anything to him about his body; I was only honest with him about why I had to order the food. I don’t judge people based on looks and accept everyone for who they are, as they are. You can’t judge a book by its cover, so I judge people based on their actions, in this case, going for seconds and thirds.”
“The buffet was at my friend’s request. He loves buffets and this was his added touch to the wedding. He also chose the dishes. I know that it is not common for weddings to do buffets, but that’s what he wanted.”
The OP then had a clarifying conversation with his friend about what had happened.
“My friend just stopped by for a little bit. Apparently, his wife was more upset than he initially said, but not at me, towards her family. He also said she wanted apologies for booting me.”
“So FIL feels really bad and he is going to step up and try to fix the situation. He’s going to throw an ‘After Wedding Shing Ding,’ per his words. Everyone who was at the wedding will be invited, including me, my wife and some additional people, they are thinking there will be about 100 guests.”
“FIL also promised that there would be an assortment of food, more than enough for everyone plus an army. He also wanted to personally let me know that there will be 50 large pizzas from the same joint I ordered from, that is his way of adding some humor to the situation, I think it’s pretty funny, lol.”
“He’s also going to hire a DJ or a live band. Possibly have some fireworks and arrange other events like axe throwing, and a bonfire. This actually sounds like it going to a really fun time, the only difference is that this will be a BYOB event, which is no big deal.”
“FIL is pulling in a favor from a friend of his who owns a farm. The farm has two guest houses and the main house as well as plenty of space outside. About 50 people can be squeezed in between the three houses, so he is going to encourage people to bring RVs (I have one), campers, and tents if they can. Nothing is official yet, but they are looking to hold the shing ding around mid-August.”
“Sounds like this is going to be a blast!! I’ll update you all you all when I can.”
The subReddit fully supported the OP’s need to eat and ordering pizza, especially since he didn’t want to impose on the happy couple on their big day.
For important events like weddings where you want to be surrounded by loved ones, a key part of the celebration should be making sure everyone’s happy and having a good time, as well as getting enough to eat.