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Guy Livid After Wife With Shellfish Allergy Bans Him From Eating Lobster In Their Home

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Man eating lobster

Even though it’s 2023, there are still people in the world who believe food allergies or food intolerances are a myth, or they at least refuse to understand the complexities and dangers of them.

These short sights can not only get someone really sick but it’s bound to ruin some relationships along the way, too, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Left_Body682 was used to living in a shellfish-free home and appreciated her husband’s understanding of her needs, despite his love for shellfish.

But when his mother was coming for a visit and wanted to bring lobster for dinner, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by how her normally supportive husband suddenly changed his tune.

She asked the sub:

“AITA for not wanting my husband to eat lobster in our house?”

The OP had a serious seafood allergy.

“I (27 Female) have a seafood allergy. Anything that comes from the sea will cause me to break out in hives, I’ll become nauseated, and I’ll have difficulty breathing.”

“It never got to the point of being an anaphylaxic shock, but I do not want to risk it.”

And the OP’s husband had a serious love for seafood.

“My husband (27 Male) loves seafood, specifically lobster. He will eat it when visiting his parents (who live four hours away) but never around me.”

“His parents are coming to visit next week and are bringing lobster (my mother-in-law doesn’t understand my allergy and thinks I just get a small rash).”

“I just found out today.”

The visiting arrangements led to an argument.

“I told my husband absolutely not. He can go to our friend’s house to eat it, but not here.”

“He told me how he will eat in the living room, and I can stay in the bedroom.”

“I said no and that the smell is going to linger and I’ll be nauseated for hours.”

“He promised to clean up after and scrub, but I said no and that I don’t want to risk it.”

“We argued a bit more, and this is where we are.”

The OP was confused by the altercation.

“He is usually really good about my allergy and always checks in restaurants before going there if they sell seafood and will warn the waiters about my allergy.”

“This is completely out of character for him, so I’m wondering if I’m being the AH here.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were shocked by the husband’s priorities and lack of precautions.

“NTA. His love for lobster shouldn’t come before your health.” – Sokodal

“OP, this is definitely the hill your relationship could die on, and your hubby might just need to be tossed back into the sea.” – BenSkywalker70

“Women who face a health crisis are more likely to have their partner leave them; in this case, he’s showing his cards early on. I wouldn’t wait to find out how little he regards my health and well-being going forward. NTA.” – highwiregirl

“There can’t be any compromise when it comes to the health and safety of people living in the home. Home is supposed to be safe. Home isn’t where a person should have to lock themselves away in a bedroom for several hours while their spouse entertains his family.”

“Not to mention, MIL is already dismissive of OP’s health issues. What’s to stop her from one day just coming up with lobster as a surprise? Or put seafood broth in a dish without telling anyone?”

“And she did offer compromises. They can go eat it at a friend’s house. Her only boundary is that it can’t be in the house. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable one.” – Andravisia

“My Wife is very allergic to shellfish, and I love it. In 30 years, there has never been shellfish in our house in any fashion. Period, end of story. NTA.” – toreyj01

“My wife is allergic to shellfish, and I don’t like shrimp or whatever we’ll enough to cook/eat it in my house with her. One slip-up when ordering from a Vietnamese place, I tried a new dish that had chicken (in the dish name on the menu) but also shrimp (not mentioned). I was just super careful with the cleanup.”

“On the other hand, she is also allergic to peanuts, but I adore peanut butter cups. They are my favorite chocolate. I eat those in the house but not sitting next to her. I immediately wash my hands and mouth when I’m done and don’t kiss her until I’ve brushed my teeth.”

“Also, no touching of communal surfaces (the remote is a big one!) Until hand washing has happened. It is a bit of a pain in the a**, but I don’t want her to die.”

“We’ve been together for 18 years and married for 13, and I have never had to use her EpiPen or take her to the hospital. I don’t want ever to have to deal with that. After hearing her family stories, I am willing to put up with some annoyance around what I eat at home.”

“(My SIL I had to use an EpiPenon my BIL, who has similar allergies to my wife, but SIL managed to jab herself in the hand instead, so both of them had to go to the hospital in a foreign country where they didn’t speak the language.)” – n-b-rowan

“My stepmother is violently allergic to gluten, onions/garlic, and anything that comes from a cow (beef, dairy, and even leather to the touch). So they don’t go out to restaurants because no matter how careful the kitchen is, she can’t risk it, and they don’t have those things at home.”

“It makes their regular eating a bit repetitive, but they have a number of dishes that they really like worked out, so they don’t mind repeating those, and my father has learned how to cook safely for her.”

“It’s just a part of living with and loving somebody with chronic health issues. I have severe fibromyalgia, and my husband has gotten used to being the one who gets up to go to the kitchen or turn out the lights most of the time because that’s an effort of movement that is better if I save for things I really need to get done.”

“So he takes the small stuff. Again, just a part of living with and loving someone with chronic health issues. A good partner gets used to it… and it looks like this guy did get used to it until his mother got involved and he didn’t want to disappoint her.”

“That’s the issue here, I think, not the lobster per se. I doubt this guy cares about the lobster half as much as he cares about not having to fight with his mom. (And no, this is no excuse; but it may be an explanation that can help them talk about it.)” – VoyagerVII

Others pointed out the OP was already experiencing anaphylactic symptoms, not just shock.

“Not sorry but the health of your significant other should, where allergies are concerned, be the first thing you think about when cooking or eating in the house you share. Anaphylaxis is not pretty!!”

“If you have an EpiPen, use it if you need to, but NO way in h**l would I be as callous as OP’s husband to bring shellfish/seafood into the home if my partner were allergic to it.”

“My point here is that my significant other has allergies in relation to flowers. Guess what? I don’t buy them any, and neither do other family members, because we all know it would make living at home unpleasant for my significant other.” – BenSkywalker70

“What you’re describing IS anaphylaxis. You should carry an EpiPen.” – Hoistedonyrownpetard

“The OP said shellfish being around ‘will cause me to break out in hives, nauseated and difficulty breathing, it never got to the point of being anaphylaxis reaction, but I do not want to risk it.'”

“Just for clarification, because I keep seeing people make this mistake, including OP, that quote IS anaphylaxis. Not just possible, OP is having an anaphylactic reaction, symptoms of which include breathing difficulty and hives and all.”

“Anaphylactic Shock is what I think you intend to say. The part where the anaphylaxis becomes immediately life-threatening.” – Nydewien

“ER nurse here. It is considered anaphylaxis when an allergen causes a rash/hives/itching from the histamine release, plus involvement of one or more body systems.”

“In OP’s case, it’s the skin issues plus respiratory (shortness of breath or feeling like your throat is closing) and gastrointestinal (nausea).”

“Anaphylactic shock occurs when the fluids in the body shift to the tissues causing something called third spacing and the blood pressure drops.” – jay_brrd

After receiving feedback, the OP shared a positive update.

“Thanks, everyone, for the info! I had no idea I was already experiencing anaphylaxis. It’s so scary how I’m not too far from anaphylaxic shock.”

“I spoke to my husband again, and he read some comments. He apologized and said it was so stupid of him to think he could bring lobster here and clean up after.”

“No lobster or any seafood will be coming into my house. They are going someplace else to eat it.”

“Also, for people who are worried, I do have an Epipen and my husband is trained on how to use it.”

Though the subReddit could understand the complexities and even annoyances of constantly having to stay on top of food allergy needs, they could not believe the husband’s sudden shift in priorities with his mother coming for a visit.

It was clear that he was more worried about setting boundaries than keeping his wife safe, which meant he either had some personal growth to do, or the OP’s relationship with him might take a sudden turn for the worst.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.