Everyone hates having a headache.
They can be a major inconvenience.
And that’s just mild headaches.
People who suffer from frequent migraines suffer regularly.
Migraines can be crippling.
And often there aren’t sufficient remedies besides rest and sleep.
But people have to find a way to rest with the headache.
What a mess.
Case in point…
Redditor FutureSwan4766 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not making my children be quiet while my wife had a headache?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Been with my wife for 2 years.”
“I have two children from a previous relationship who are 5 and 8.”
“Currently 7 months pregnant, been married and living together for 5 months… it’s been an adaption for everyone, mostly the children.”
“During our relationship even before living together I knew my wife got the occasional headache.”
“She takes pain killers but says they don’t help so she’ll usually spend the day in our bedroom and sleep.”
“Kids are at home and wife has a headache, I’m working from home.”
“Kids are doing what they normally do, playing.”
“Wife texts me asking to keep them from making so much noise.”
“I was in a meeting when she texted so I didn’t actually look at it till an hour later.”
“She’s upset but the way I see it is it’s the children’s home?”
“They’re playing, what am I meant to say ‘my wife has a headache go read a book?'”
“I don’t think I’m TA, wife does. Figured I’d ask here.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“‘My wife has a headache go read a book?'”
“Yes, that’s exactly what you should say.”
“My daughter is 3.”
“And when I have a headache I say to her: honey, would you please quiet down, I have a headache.”
“And then she calms down.”
“So your kids should be able to do this too. YTA.” ~ Forsaken-Program-450
“Yep. I’ve battled chronic head pain for the vast majority of my life.”
“It can be debilitating.”
“My son will get ice packs, stuffed animals, blankets… anything he can think of to help… give me a hug and snuggle or leave me alone for a bit depending on what I need most.”
“Children are not free range chickens.”
“They can adjust their behavior if need be.” ~ Ladykosobucki
“I find people who don’t get migraines don’t truly appreciate how awful they are.”
“They’re not ‘just a headache.'”
“Migraines are literally a separate neurological condition and brutal headaches just happen to be one of the more common symptoms.”
“As someone who gets migraines that literally last months sometimes (the longest was 2.5 months), every time someone says it’s just a headache.”
“I feel instantly violent feelings lol.” ~ swizzleschtick
“A couple years ago, I got West Nile Virus.”
“Stemming from that, I used to get really bad migraines.”
“Like, hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere, makes me sick migraines.”
“As those were finally going away, COVID hit and the migraines came back with a vengeance.”
“I was still teaching at the time, and the amount of empathy kids are capable of was astounding.”
“I was pretty straight forward with the kids.”
“If the lights were off, that meant that day needed to be a quieter day.”
“This was kinder all the way through 5th grade at the time.”
“They understood and were able to show empathy towards a teacher they saw once a week.”
“They can understand and show empathy towards a person they live with.” ~ emmykat621
“Exactly. OP seems miffed that they were asked to actually parent their own kids.”
“The wording was kind of ambiguous as to who was pregnant – OP or the wife – but I am assuming that the wife is pregnant via OP.”
“If that is the case, OP is a massive AH.”
“This woman is heavily pregnant, and OP doesn’t seem to think it is their job to parent/wrangle their kids to make her pregnancy a bit more bearable.” ~ Electrical-Date-3951
“You may just need to keep the children closer to YOU and perhaps remind them periodically.”
“OP YTA. Your wife is PREGNANT.”
“She has a headache!! Have some empathy!!”
“And I assure you that your wife had WAY more adapting to do than 2 little kids.”
“She started living with you, is going through a pregnancy with all its physical and mental challenges.”
“She’s going to go through giving birth which is no joke and will surely be on her mind.”
“AND she’s looking after your 2 little ones and surely wondering how she’s going to manage that plus a new baby.” ~ nuttyNougatty
“And it sounds like the headache is actually a hormonal migraine (one of the many wonderful things that can happen when you’re pregnant that no one warns you about–like hemorrhoids and acid reflux).”
“So OP is also being quite dismissive of wife’s condition.” ~ Prudent_Plan_6451
“Agreed. I’m assuming migraine, too, based on the fact that she needs to sleep it off.”
“OP, as someone who gets the occasional migraine – she doesn’t just have a headache.”
“Its like a blinding searing pain in her head that medication relieves a little of but mostly she just needs dark, quiet and calm for it to pass.”
“Her asking you to keep the kids quiet is NOT unreasonable.”
“These are your kids – I don’t care if you are on a zoom, if you are pooping, if you are in the middle of negotiating a multi million dollar deal.”
“Her asking you to keep the kids quiet during a migraine is a baseline expectation of one’s spouse.”
“Your attitude is terrible.”
“Check yourself because if this is your attitude and this is how you treat your wife when she has a migraine.”
“I HATE to think of what kind of partner you are going to choose to be when she is recovering from child birth.” ~ sometimesblessed
“Poor thing, I suffer(ed) with migraines.”
“And when I had bad kind of migraine and had to be in the vicinity of screaming/wailing/squeaking kid it felt like nails being hammered into my scull.”
“Fortunately lately the attacks are fewer and farther apart and much milder.”
“OP, have some compassion, YTA.” ~ Trirain
“My friend gets hormonal migraines, the pain is so bad that she throws up. A lot.”
“And OP is grumpy about having to ask the kids to play quietly?”
“YTA OP. Your wife is in pain.”
“It’s your job to support her in sickness and in health remember?” ~ occams1razor
“Not to mention she can’t take most pain killers to take the edge off the headache because she’s pregnant.”
“I ended up in the ER several times for extreme migraines when pregnant because the only safe way to stop them was to get liquid Benadryl and an iv so I’d fall asleep.”
“OP my daughter is 5 and has behavioral issues, and even she did her best to be caring, quiet, and empathetic when I was sick last week.”
“I can understand not seeing the text at first while at work.”
“But your attitude towards her pain and her request that you parent your children is horrible. YTA.” ~ Professional_Life_29
“My family all has migraines (thanks to grandmas great genes) and the kids maybe didn’t fully understand this.”
“But as soon as they were, like, one and a half maybe they knew about ‘Mommy’s (Aunties/Grandmas head is hurting’.
“When they were three they began bringing us drinks and turning off the lights for us.”
“It’s not rocket science, kids can understand a lot if you explain it in an age appropriate way!”
“So, yeah, YTA.” ~ LoveTheRain312
“Migraines run in my family too.”
“We all get them, and understand them.”
“It’s the one thing that brings my family together.”
“If someone says they have a migraine, no matter the age, everyone shuts up, the lights go off, and that person is given more medicines than most realize exist, black tea is made, cool compresses supplied.”
“Like we all know the drill. OP, YTA.”
“INFO: Since your wife is pregnant, is she taking pain killers?”
“The kids being noisy not only didn’t help, but made worse something she may not be able to use her usual tools to remedy.” ~ kfisch2014
“Learning to do this will have a lot of advantages.”
“Like once the new baby is here, blessedly taking a nap and your wife is finally getting some rest, you can say to the other kids, ‘please play quietly now, the baby and your step-mom are sleeping.'”
“The way normal, empathetic human parents do to teach their kids to be normal empathetic humans who share a household. Oh, and YTA.” ~ BarbWho
“YTA. Not seeing the text for an hour is acceptable.”
“Refusing to teach your kids empathy makes you an AH.”
“You could have easily tell your kids that their step-mom has a headache and that noise is really bothering her.”
“Could they do something more quiet.”
“You shouldn’t be angry at them if they fail, but you should slowly teach them to be aware of others and respect their needs… within reason.” ~ GreekAmericanDom
Well OP, Reddit has some issues with your choices.
Headaches are no joke.
Maybe ask a physician or two about their thoughts on the issue.
Hopefully this thread has helped.