Parenting is no easy undertaking.
However, when parents divide and conquer, the load becomes a little lighter for each party.
Of course, that assumes both parents are on the “conquering” end of the deal.
A man on Reddit is furious after his wife played on her iPad and ignored their bleeding toddler’s cries for help while he was in the shower, so he turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Independent_Fox4439 asked:
“I took a shower at midnight while my wife was watching TV. Who’s the AH?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife was sitting in the recliner watching her iPad right outside the kid’s bedrooms.”
“I figure I’m in the clear to take a long shower.”
“When I turn the shower off, I hear my 3-year-old crying and screaming for daddy.”
“I hurry.”
“As I’m going through the family room, I look at my wife (sitting watching her iPad) and say, ‘You couldn’t calm him down?'”
“She says, ‘No, I tried three times.'”
“I go into his room and pick him up.”
“He immediately stops crying and starts trying to catch his breath.”
“I feel what I thought were tears dripping down my shoulder.”
“I think: ‘poor guy has been so upset for so long, long enough for my wife to come in three times.'”
“I lay him in bed and start tucking him in.”
“He says, I have a mess.”
“I figure tears and snot.”
“I grab wipes and tissue, and turn the flashlight on my phone on.”
“That’s when I realized he was covered in blood.”
“His first bloody nose, and it was bad: all over his face, arms, clothes, stuffy, blanket – and I’m covered.”
“Those were not tears dripping down my shoulder.”
“I get him cleaned up, and asked my wife to shout the bloody items while I get him cleaned up.”
“I’m tucking him in, and I ask why he didn’t let mommy help.”
“He said, ‘Mommy didn’t check on me. Somebody never checked on me.'”
“Now my wife is pissed at me for me expecting her to help.”
“I’m pissed at her for not taking care of our son while I’m in the shower, and she’s watching her iPad, and I’m pissed that she’s pissed I expected her to help.”
“So, who’s the AH??”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and overwhelmingly agreed that OP is not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. The biggest issue for me is the lying.”
“At the very least, she could have been honest that she didn’t go in.”
“But it’s also profoundly f**ked up to think that she didn’t want to check on him.”
“She’s treating the idea of checking on her kid the same way a part-time cashier would treat having to mop a floor when it was (supposedly) their co-worker’s ‘turn’ to do it.”
“It isn’t a job she gets to clock in and out of; she has to be present and show up at all times.”
“And if you were in the shower and couldn’t hear them crying, then it was definitely her chance to act.” – the_poly_poet
“NTA. Your wife is TA.”
“You are both parents.”
“Even if she thought you should be checking on him when you didn’t, she should have gone and checked.”
“She should have wanted to.”
“I can’t imagine sitting and watching a movie while my child cried because that was not my problem.”
“And the fact that she lies tells you she knows she should be ashamed of her behavior.”
“And she’s right.”
“What she did was borderline abusive.” – Turmeric_Ping
“Your wife lied to you about having checked on him.”
“I think that this is a huge issue, and it needs to be confronted. NTA.” – calacmack
“Your wife is undoubtedly, indisputably, undeniably, unmistakably the a**hole in this situation.”
“You are undoubtedly, indisputably, undeniably, unmistakably NTA in this situation (and a great dad).”
“The fact that your kid called for you makes me wonder about the level of neglect your child must be feeling from your wife, and her lying to you makes me wonder what else is happening that you’re taking at face value but is hiding information you need.”
“But given you chose this partner to raise a child with…are these previously intermittent tendencies becoming more frequent and/or obvious, or does it feel like she is dissociating from her life?”
“There may be a medical angle to consider.”
“Best of luck.”
“ETA: a little clarification I didn’t realize was necessary: the kid calling for Dad doesn’t make Mom a terrible parent, and no one has said it’s indicating ‘what level of neglect has this mother done to this kid.'”
“Coupled with the instance that OP has written about (context), it could be an indication that the kid is feeling like certain needs aren’t being met by Mom, and it could be escalating to feeling neglected.”
“In this case, Mom not attending to her hysterically distressed child may not be a first experience.”
“Hope that helps clarify that this is about what the child’s perspective could be, since children communicate more with their behavior than words.” – ItWouldntWorkAnyway
“NTA.”
“I cannot imagine ignoring a screaming child and screaming cries of bloody nose fear are very very different from i dont wanna go to bed yes i want some attention cries.”
“Any decent mother immediately knows the difference.” – AnyBioMedGeek
“NTA.”
“I don’t understand why your wife thought attending to both your kids wasn’t her job while you weren’t available.”
“That doesn’t make sense to me.” – HelloJunebug
“NTA, at all.”
“Your wife, however, is a huge one.”
“Who sits there casually while their child is screaming?”
“Poor baby.”
“Totally understandable that you figured she would check on him while you showered.”
“She sounds like a lazy parent. I get maybe she was tired, but damn.”
“Didn’t even check on him once?”
“Anyone saying this story is fake is weird.”
“Sure it could be, but also.. terrible moms DO exist.”
“People act like it’s so unbelievable when the mom is the bad parent.” – kaitrae
“NTA. Ya gotta wonder what was so damn important on that iPad!”
“To LIE about checking on a crying child?”
“That’s pretty low.” – 17jade
“NTA, but your wife sure is.”
“She was lying, or she just leave him with a bloody nose and go back to her iPad?” – PearlyP2020
“This is a joke, right?”
“Your wife is sitting there glued to her iPad while your kid is screaming for help?”
“Your wife should have checked if there is something wrong with your child if he hadn’t calmed down after three times, not continue watching on her iPad.”
“And now she’s mad at you for expecting her to be a parent?”
“It’s absolutely ridiculous that she’s shifting the blame onto you.”
“NTA, your wife is the AH.” – StarlitxFairy
“NTA.”
“And I say this as a mom who is a wheelchair user, so getting up to check kids is a major pain in the a** sometimes.”
“What she did was neglectful.”
“Kids don’t forget those kinds of experiences.”
“Parenting is a full-time 24/7 gig.”
“If your kid‘s crying you need to at least go find out why before deciding they need to cry it out or whatever.”
“Like jeez what if he was crying because something was on fire or there was a life-threatening emergency?” – flippysquid
“NTA. I would’ve walked out of that room after I got him put back to bed and called her a f**king liar.”
“And then I’d ask her what kind of mother just sits there and plays on a tablet while her child is screaming for her?”
“And then I tell her to sleep on the couch.”
“And that we can discuss where our relationship is going in the morning.” – Lostlucy2
“NTA, why is your wife pissed at you for expecting her to help parent her own child?”
“I also read your post about her frequently totaling cars (assuming this is the same wife). Is she even okay with being around the kids, taking care of them, or driving them around? Jesus Christ.”
“You have bigger things to worry about than her not checking on your kid with a bloody nose; it’s the fact that she likely lied to you about it, was dismissive of your child’s suffering, and didn’t give a f**k about helping you.”
“*Short of her having a brain tumor or a legitimate medical condition contributing to her personality dysfunction, Why are you with this manipulative brat?” – videogamekat
“NTA.”
“Your wife neglected your son for her iPad.”
“How much time does she spend on it?”
“Perhaps she has an addiction and needs some help.” – Negative_Ad3294
“NTA.Your wife’s behaviour was neglectful.”
“Who knows how long he was crying and bleeding waiting for someone to come.”
“Your wife was lazy and a liar, she couldn’t even be bothered to go check on him.”
“That’s just sh*tty parenting.” – CrabbiestAsp
“You are NTA,but your wife sure us.”
“She sounds lazy, or petty, whatever her reasoning was to not check on your son, it is not worth hearing.”
“Red flags, man” – AppeltjeEitje1079
It sounds like OP and his wife need to have a serious talk about the situation as well as their expectations of each other.
Thanks to his fellow Redditors, though, OP shouldn’t feel bad about his reaction.