There's nothing quite like the anticipatory betrayal of believing that your partner might be cheating on you.
And as much as we might like to give them the benefit of the doubt, sometimes there's too much evidence stacked against them to imagine any other explanation, agreed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Obvious_Waltz_2072 was going through a bit of a rough patch with their wife, and there were some things that their wife had done recently that gave them pause.
But when she got home late from night cycling and called a male friend of hers to check in, the Original Poster (OP) could not help but feel suspicious of what she might be checking in for.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for suspecting my wife after she got a shady 1:00 AM call from a 'guy friend' right after a late-night cycling trip?"
The OP was going through a rough patch with their wife.
"My wife (mid-30s) and I have been married for years, but we're going through a rocky patch right now."
"There have been lots of arguments, feeling distant, that kind of thing."
The OP's wife was doing some things she'd never done before.
"Last night, she went out cycling for about two hours, which is unusual because it was already dark out."
"She comes home, barely says anything, and jumps straight into the shower."
"A little while after she got in there (not literally right as she started), her phone rings at 1:00 AM from some guy she claims is an old friend from university."
"I only knew because her iPad (synced to her phone) started ringing in the other room, and the call got picked up almost instantly on her end, like she was expecting it or something."
The OP felt suspicious.
"When I asked about it later, she said who it was and that he was just calling to let her know he was visiting soon with his son."
"But she's never mentioned this guy before, and she didn't say anything about planning to meet up with anyone."
"Given our rough spot and the weird timing, this feels super suspicious to me."
"Am I overthinking all of this, or is this a red flag?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some validated the OP in their suspicions about their wife's recent behavior.
"You've been married for years, and she's never mentioned a guy friend who's on the 'cool to call at 1:00 AM for non-emergencies' list?"
"Nah, I'd be a lot more than suspicious." - Anxious_Picture_9278
"Cycling? She cycled to the dudes house. Got sweaty and sexed up. And then cycled back. I know a woman who did this. She got caught." - fearmebananaman
"He called to make sure she got home safe." - Snakend
"I got a text from a married guy friend asking if he could call at midnight once. I deeply trust this friend would never ever hit on me or cheat on his wife, but I'm also not a close enough friend that I would be the first call in an emergency."
"So I was really weirded out when I saw the text when I woke up in the morning. Turns out he was with some mutual friends and they were arguing over something that happened that I was there for, and he was hoping I was awake to settle the argument."
"But getting a call from a male friend at 1:00 AM is WEIRD. She should have thought this is WEIRD." - KaleidoscopeEvery343
"My dear Reddit compatriot, when the royal drums beat at 1:00 AM, they do not announce, 'Hello, I will be visiting with my son.' They announce secrets, expectations, or poor judgment."
"Let us review the sacred scrolls of Suspicion: Late-night cycling quest (unusual hour), silent return and immediate purification shower, a previously unmentioned 'old university friend,' a call at 1:00 AM, the hour when only emergencies, lovers, or Nigerian princes with urgent wire transfers may call, and the call answered with the speed of light."
"My brother, this does not automatically mean treachery of the highest order… but it does mean your instincts are not hallucinating from bad palm wine."
"You are not wrong for feeling unsettled. Context matters, and right now the context is waving a small red flag, not a parade of them, but enough to say: 'Let us sit. Let us talk. Let us clarify before resentment poisons the well.'"
"Do not accuse. Do not interrogate. Ask calmly, directly, and with curiosity: 'Help me understand why this felt secretive, because it made me uneasy, especially given where we are.'"
"If she responds with openness and empathy, the kingdom may yet prosper. If she responds with deflection, minimization, or gaslighting… then, my friend, the prince grows concerned."
"You are not the a**hole for noticing patterns. You would only become one if you ignore them, or explode without conversation. May wisdom guide you. May clarity arrive swiftly. And may no one ever pretend a 1:00 AM call is 'casual.'" - _Nigerian_Prince_
"It's a huge red flag. Are you sure she was cycling? It sounds like she just cycled over to this guy's house, had a rendezvous, and then cycled back, jumping in the shower immediately to wash off the evidence. He probably called her to make sure she got home safely." - Crazy_Banshee_333
"Don't know what it says about me, but my first thought was that she cycled to a guy's house after he got off work, hence the late hour, and then he made she sure got home okay. Does she normally ride after midnight???? Sounds like strange behavior in itself..." - watchit007
"This is absolutely suspicious. NOR. Investigate her intentions. 1:00 AM is booty call hours, not 'hey, I'm visiting with my son who wants to see his favorite honorary auntie.' That could've been a text thread." - followmetomynow
"Nah, dude, you're not overreacting. Late night 'cycling,' a 1:00 AM call from a mystery uni friend she's never mentioned, answered instantly while she's in the shower, during a rough patch in your marriage… that's sketchy as h**l."
"I'd treat it as a big yellow flag: not proof she's cheating, but absolutely enough to warrant a calm, serious talk about boundaries, transparency, and what the hell is actually going on." - Budget-Savings-7198
Others encouraged the OP to keep an eye on the iPad for now.
"Short thing: if the sync to the iPad will be disabled, you know. Might happen today or tomorrow. Most certainly today." - utzutzutzpro
"That's when I found out my wife was cheating. Sync to the iPad disappeared, and there was now a password on her phone. Back then, I found out by going through phone records. Good luck, my dude."
"This happened about seven years ago. I was p**sed for a few weeks because we had two small kids and a house in the equation. Then I just told myself okay, things don't work out."
"We had a serious chat. I forgave her. I wasn't putting energy into someone who didn't want to be with me. We vowed not f**k up our kids."
"She's now remarried, and we have a great, healthy coparenting situation. We still do family functions together. The kids don't know anything other than this arrangement. We also divorced without needing to go to court." - brucegoose44
"Call him and say, 'Hey, my wife said you're coming to town. I wanted to take all of us to dinner since it sounds like you're old friends, so let me know how many seats to book. That will let you know if there's really even a son or not'" - ExtensionSherbert562
"Time to look at the phone records."
"I'm guessing you'll see activity with that number right before her 'bike ride.'"
"There's also location services on her phone that can show a bike ride versus her going to a location and remaining there for the two hours."
"Good luck. I'm not optimistic." - Schalg96
"Dude, she's cheating on you. Just for safety's sake, I would hire a divorce attorney because you were headed that way anyway. Just keep copies of anything you can find on the iPad before she wipes it clean, just in case you need it." - ArmoredAvenger
The subReddit tried to give the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe the wife was focusing on her health and a sport that she enjoyed while her marriage was going through a rough patch, and maybe an old friend really was checking in about a visit, albeit at a weird time.
But it was the micro-details that kept the subReddit hung up on the suspicion that she was cheating on her partner instead of working on her marriage. Two hours cycling late at night is something few people do, and it's not safe for the average person. More importantly, the late-night phone call answered immediately from the bathroom, and then brushed off, seemed like anything but innocent behavior.
It seemed much more likely that she was giving up on her marriage and had been with someone during that two-hour cycling route, and he was calling to make sure she made it home safely.
That said, she still deserved a conversation with the OP to see what the true story was and whether they were both still committed to working on their long-term marriage.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.