People have very differing standards and levels of comfort with nudity and ways of dressing.
For one woman on Reddit, her habits of swimming nude and dressing casually got her into trouble when her “prudish” mother-in-law came to stay for a month.
Her refusal to be more modest caused a huge conflict, and she wasn’t sure about how she handled it. So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the username cansimile on the site, asked:
“AITA for not promising to change some of my perfectly harmless behaviors just because my mother-in-law is staying with us?”
She explained:
“For some background, my husband (36M[ale]) and I (27F[emale]) have been married for a little over a year, and we recently bought a nice house.”
“It has a pool and a hottub and one of the things I’ve enjoyed is unwinding after a long day. My work has been really busy and stressful (working at a startup).”
“My family has always been very comfortable with nudity, so I find it really irritating and completely unnecessary to be told to restrict some perfectly harmless things.”
“Such as swimming / hot-tubbing nude, topless sunbathing, having to wear a bra whenever guests are over.”
“Now, my husband’s old mom who is from a different world (a southern lady who is super prudish and very passive aggressive) is staying with us for a month.”
“My husband wants me to stop sunbathing / swimming / hot-tubbing topless and ‘dressing up a little more’ when having breakfast and dinner.”
“I flat out refused. I told her she’s a guest in our house and I won’t be rude or inappropriate, but I am not going to change things, especially when its going to cut off a crucial way in which I relax and unwind.”
“I genuinely think my mental health and work will suffer if this avenue is cut off (I spent 10-15 min swimming and another 10-15 min relaxing in the tub EVERY DAY without fail).”
“AITA here? I am willing to be accommodating with my cooking (she hates vegetarian food, so I’m going to be cooking more meat) among other things, including moving my office setup to a different room to get her a downstairs bedroom (stairs are tough).”
“These make sense, the prudishness, no!”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And while many understood her objections, for the most part they all felt OP was being unreasonable and ridiculous.
“YTA – not wanting to see people naked isn’t ‘prudish’. I would draw the line with the dressing up part or needing to wear a bra. But it’s not unreasonable to not want you to be naked.”
“If your mental health tanks because you’re wearing a bikini instead of naked there’s bigger issues here.”
“ETA: I guess ‘dressing up’ means more than a shirt and panties during meals? Again, throw on a pair of shorts.” –Ok-Job-9417
“I’m kind of conflicted here.”
“Op is perfectly entitled to do whatever they want in their own home.”
“Op is also perfectly entitled to suffer the repercussions of what happens as a result.”
“I think we are missing a key piece of information, here, which is does the MIL know what she’s getting herself into?”
“I’m betting the answer is ‘no,’ in which case when she does see Op partially or fully nude, there’s going to be drama, and Op will definitely be an a**hole because of it.”
“On other hand, if the MIL is aware but choose to come anyway, then not so much.”
“Too, this is going to cause issues. Issues between Op and their husband. Issues between Op and the MIL. Issues between the husband and the MIL.”
“And I guran-fu*king-tee that, if and when it does, Op will deny any responsibility.”
“Which is also a**hole behavior, because part of living in a society is doing things that slight and temporarily inconvenience ourselves in order to reduce social friction and get along with each other.” –daemin
“Honestly OP is like a swimsuit version of an anti-masker. ‘I can’t wear this cloth for 30 minutes because I will SUFFER IMMENSELY, and fu*k everyone else around me!'”
“Edit: Since multiple people seem to struggling with the connection, I’ll try and explain it in greater detail.”
“Anti-maskers do not see masks as something helpful or important. To them, it does nothing at best and suffocates them at worst.”
“Their only reason to wear a mask would be to make someone else feel better. So they refuse, because they don’t care about anyone else’s feelings, regardless of how simple putting on a piece of cloth is.”
“So even though masks are important in preventing death, and a swimsuit doesn’t do that, the core reason for not wearing either of them around others is selfishness. That’s where the connection lies.”
“If you are only willing to be minimally inconvenienced to save someone’s life and not for any other reason…you’re definitely not a monster, but you’re not very nice either.” –MimikyuTruck
“If my MIL saw me naked, even on accident I would fu*king die of embarrassement on the spot. Seems strange to me that OP seems to WANT her MIL to see her naked body” –KenDaGod4238
“YTA. Presumably you work clothed, go to the store clothed, go out to eat clothed. Wearing clothes hasn’t damaged your mental health thus far.”
“Everyone makes accommodations for their guests. So either make them or explain to your husband why he can’t have visitors anymore.” –Appropriate-Low-4850
“I so agree with this. Just from reading rhe title, I knew OP was TA. No one wants to see anyone’s nakedness, regardless of whose house it is.”
“OP sounds like such a B word and I do not use that word to describe women. Annnnd…I’m sure we’re getting the sanitized version of events.”
“Just in case you weren’t sure, YTA, OP.” –rando_girl007
“When we have WANTED guests over, we compromise. Honestly, are you really going to make wanting to be top less infront of your mother in law your hill to die on?”
“YTA.” –Any-Cantaloupe-613
“I usually sleep in just panties, but when I have guests staying at my house (esp in-laws) I put a shirt and sweatpants or shorts on before I leave my bedroom.”
“My FIL would be mortified if I just came out topless. I’m avoiding making my guests uncomfortable and being hospitable by not doing that.”
“OP’s husband should ask if he can start walking around with his dick out when her folks are over.” –demeter-devi
“Exactly!!! I’m an empty nester now and I do enjoy walking around my home in the nude but damn when family comes over I put on some shorts n a t-shirt. Yes she is the AH!” –ShotSprinkles6930
“We all make accommodations when we have guests, it should be a natural part of agreeing to have guests in your home. OP does not seem to be mature enough to have guests, she wants it her way and noone is allowed to be offended.” –dannihrynio
“Imagine if she was like: ‘When no one is over I like to sh*t with the bathroom door open. Would I be the a**hole if I refused to shut the door just because I have company over?!'”
“Haha, no one is asking her to get her tattoos removed or cut her hair. Just put on a bikini top in the presence of MIL.” –megamoze
“YTA not being nude infront of guests, especially if they are uncomfortable, is just basic decency. Clearly you’re lacking it.” –CommunicationOdd9406
“YTA. Your mental health is not going to suffer because you have to wear a bathing suit, ffs. It’s not prudish to not want to see your daughter in law naked. You are being rude and ridiculous and unwelcoming.” –Temporary_Badger
“It’s very strange when a host has a chip on the shoulder attitude about guests and decides from the git go that there is no way in hell that they’ll temporarily make any changes, no matter how minor, to make their guests feel more comfortable.”
“I once stayed overnight at the home of my boyfriend’s guardian. It was a tiny house so I had a sleeping bag on the living room floor.”
“Our host came into the living room after I’d gone to sleep and played an entire Grateful Dead album at high volume.”
“It was like he needed to prove that he didn’t have to change anything just because there was a guest iin the house, not even for one night.” –SnapesGrayUnderpants
“YTA – No one is telling you not to go in the pool or hot tub. Throwing a bikini top on is not going to impact these experiences.”
“If you need to feel water on your nipples 10-15mins a day inorder to prevent you from suffering a mental breakdown then go sit in the bathtub.” –F0zzysW0rld
Hopefully OP can find a way to make this work.