We all have those odd habits that developed over the course of our lives that we just aren’t going to get rid of.
Unique food choices or interesting social habits are just part of the charm that make us such a varied species.
However, what do you do when the habit isn’t just an odd turn of phrase or an eccentric food choice but something that makes you genuinely uncomfortable?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) clothesthrowawayZ when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
They asked:
“AITA for finding it weird that my boyfriend and his best friend are exchanging clothes?”
OP got right to the issue at hand.
“My boyfriend and his best friend are exchanging clothes.”
Then gave a little context.
“We have been dating for 9 months and only recently I have discovered that after fully introducing me to his friends a few months ago, I have been hesitating to say anything about it until now.”
“They exchange boxers, briefs, jackets, T-shirts…etc and it’s just…weird.”
“They are both good when it comes to money, they don’t need clothes or anything, they just do it.”
“When we have s*x, I smell his best friend on him.”
“When they go to the gym together, they exchange their outfits too.”
“It’s pretty frequent too, I even find some of his best friend’s boxers and briefs in the laundry.”
“I gently asked him about this and he said that it’s because they love each other’s scent and they feel very comfortable being this close to each other.”
OP expressed their concerns.
“I told him that this is a bit odd (I lied, it’s so f*cking weird!) and he said ‘maybe but it’s my best friend, do you have an issue with that?’ which kind of rubbed me the wrong way, I told him that yes, it bothers me because it’s just weird and I’m setting some boundaries here.”
“He got pretty defensive, mad at me, and said that I have no business in this, it’s his body, it’s his best friend and they do whatever they want as long as they are not hurting anybody.”Â
Though was left to wonder.
“I still find it weird. AITA?”Â
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some felt that OP had misconstrued the relationships.Â
“Info: Are you sure he’s not the boyfriend and you’re the beard?” ~ val_805
Also,Â
” ‘They love each other’s scent.’ “
“Uhm, OP did you read this part you wrote?”
“Because that’s weird.”
“That doesn’t sound like normal friendship to me, even for openly bisexual people; it screams cheating, emotional affair, or something.”
“Like, you think the whole thing is weird and we agree 100%.”
“Glad you’re thinking of getting out of the relationship because you kinda sound like the third wheel, no offense, and you deserve better.” ~ MageVicky
Others shared personal stories.
“I have been best friends with my best friend for 30 years and we have never shared undergarments.”
“Clothes yes, but not underwear or bras. We have also never made a comment that we like each other’s scent.”
“So yeah, I think you may need to get out of that relationship if it isn’t to serious and let him and his friend figure out their weird relationship.” ~ mauve55
Or,
“I have borrowed and lent out a dress from a friend for a function or date before cuz I had nothing in my own closet that would work well for the occasion.”
“I have also borrowed and lent out clean PJs when a friend ends up crashing at my place.”
“A friend’s dog once peed on my leg, so she lent me some clean pants to wear while we washed mine.”
“A friend has spilled red wine on themselves and so I lent them a clean top to wear and soaked theirs so the stain would come out.”
“And many times sweaters cuz it’s chilly.”
“But always clean clothes, never underwear or bras…I even find swimsuits a bit too personal for me to borrow or lend out.” ~ ArtOwn7773
Additionally,
“My cousins and I have what we call a ‘rotating closet’ because we exchange clothing pieces based on who fits them best at the time because we all fluctuate in our weights.”
“Saves us from needing to buy new clothes (especially jeans) when we’re slimmer or heavier than what the wardrobe we currently have is.”
“Bras and bathing suit tops included, because that sh*t’s expensive and your boobs change but the bras are still good, but never underwear or swim bottoms.”
“We don’t take our clothes off to exchange outfits on the spot either.”
“I’ve only ever done that once and it was because we were taking pictures and we wanted to each post one where we’re wearing the same top, so we’d take our pictures and then put on another shirt and pass it on to the next cousin for their photoshoot and so on.”
“That aspect is more fashion-based, the rotating closet is practical because it lets us change our wardrobes without the massive cost and we don’t feel like we’ve wasted our money if we don’t wear it often because one of the cousins will get some use out of it.”
“We all have different styles but our taste in individual pieces is similar so we all style the different articles of clothing in different ways.” ~ dangeroussequence
Some suggested that OP’s boyfriend was naive about his feelings for his friend.
“I’m gonna give a NAH here.”
“I think you’re not wrong for disliking this situation, even because exchanging underwear is not hygienic and can lead to diseases (also, maybe this is something worth pointing out to him, bc it can lead to disease to you too).”
“BUT”
“I think he might be clueless about his relationship with his bf.”
“I read in a further comment that they both are bi, but it could be that either his bf has had feelings for him for a long time and convinced him that these things, like exchanging clothes to smell eachother’s scent, are normal for friends; or they don’t know that they have feelings for each other.”
“You’re not wrong for wanting to end the relationship, tho” ~ bolini_lukas
Leaving the relationship was something other commenters encouraged as well.Â
“I mean seriously, biphobia is real and bi guys are no more likely to cheat than straight guys, but this is weird AF.”
“I myself am bi and have a couple extremely close male friends, but I have never wanted to swap underwear or smell their manly scent.”
“The only time you want to sniff someone’s clothes and hot swap boxers is if you want to bang or are already.”
“OP is making the correct choice getting out.” ~ Morpheus_MD
Also,
“Everyone is presuming that the OP is female when no age or gender is stated.”
“This guy and his ‘best friend’ are best friends in the way that historians talk about pre-20th century ‘best friends’ who spent their lives together in the same house, were devoted to each other and were lifelong bachelors/spinsters.”
“People aren’t seeing the forest for the trees. It’s absolutely feasible that the OP is male also, but not into sharing someone else’s sweaty gruds”
“Which is definitely gross and I’d say that your relationship doesn’t have much long-term potential given the current state of things.” ~ OddBoots
Responses also pointed out their own initial judgments.
“Lol when I read the title, I thought: well, OP is just being judgmental! Women borrow each other’s clothes all the time, so why shouldn’t men?”
“But OP is kind of right… this situation is super weird.”
“First of all, I’ve never exchanged underwear with friends, that is pretty weird… and also, the reasoning?”
“It’s because they love each other’s scent and they feel very comfortable being this close to each other.”
“Yeah, they’re in love with each other.”
“Not sure if OP is the beard or if the two guys are still in denial.”
“But when my friends & me exchange clothes, is either because one of my friends is a shopaholic, we have the same size and a similar style, so every so often she clears out her closet and I get the spoils (it’s AWESOME!).”
“Or because one of us needs a specific item for an event (i.e. I need formal clothing which I don’t have, and I don’t want to buy an expensive dress I’m only gonna wear once, can I borrow it?).”
“If I like my friends’ scent, I’m not gonna borrow her clothes. I’ll ask her what kind of perfume she’s wearing so I can get my own.”
“NTA. OP, your boyfriend has a boyfriend.” ~ Jazzisa
There was even a call out for science.Â
“Well, even being all fancy and etc like us humans evolved to be, there are still some things very primal about attraction, and one of them is called feromones.”
“Which are volatile substances we naturally produce that ‘talks’ to other human’s noses (and brains!) without us even realizing it.”
“Feromones aren’t only for -mating- purposes, we are social creatures, so we take a lot of comfort by feeling the scent of each other, babies for example get instantly calmer when exposed to their carer’s scent.”
“It can mean safety, protection, friendship… Your bf is just constantly rubbing his friends scent over himself, and I don’t think that’s really healthy, because either shows co-dependence, attraction or both.”
“After growing from being toddlers, we also start to distance ourselves from our parents and get less ‘marked’ with their smell-identities to be able to develop our own and later, to share our unique scent with our partner(s).”
“And those feromones are also related to how we are attracted to others, they give cues about our hormones and we ‘read’ others.”
“While your bf’s friend scent might be comforting for HIM, it’s something strange to YOU, because you don’t perceive it the same way.”
“Your bf can chose to rub on his mate’s sweat or whatever, but you can establish your own boundaries regarding it and not being comfortable with it.”
“Like a smelly perfume, he can absolutely love it, but if you hate it, you both need to figure it out a compromise. And yes it’s weird. NTA.” ~ Exciting_Grocery_223
We all have odd habits.
It is important, though, that we do not live in a vacuum and that our choices have consequences for other people.