Having a roommate can be stressful.
Finding the ideal balance, whether with friends or strangers, is often a challenge.
It can be especially tricky when roommates have company staying over.
And often how much that company is around can be problematic.
Redditor only_child_by_choice wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for banning my roommate’s G[irl]F[riend] for touching my raw cookie dough?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I rent a room to a lad called AJ.”
“He’s 31.”
“He is dating Nina (25 F[emale]).”
“I don’t mind if AJ has people over or anything but Nina has been here a lot.”
“I am already annoyed because Nina always asks to borrow stuff from me.”
“’Can I borrow a pair of pants for work I forgot mine?'”
“‘Do you have extra face masks, or can I borrow lotion/tampons/socks?’”
“I have always told her no.”
“I don’t make a lot, and I don’t loan things.”
“She was furious. I wouldn’t give her a pad, but I use a diva cup and period underwear, and I am NOT sharing those. 🤮”
“She got mad I wouldn’t loan her a dress for their ‘surprise’ date night.”
“I told her if she asks again for ANYTHING of mine then she’s not allowed back in the apartment.”
“I told her to stop acting like we are friends and don’t use my stuff.”
“Short of like medical things (bandaids) she should buy her own stuff.”
“This led to AJ being mad at me for making her feel unwelcome.”
“I said I don’t want her around at all, and the next time it happens, I’m gonna ban her.”
“He said she is not that bad.”
“I ended up letting him know one more step over the line, and she’s gone.”
“And if he breaks that ban, he can find a new place as he is month to month.”
“Nina ended up being fine for a few days.”
“I was making cookies from scratch.”
“They come in from some date.”
“She sees the cookies and asks the kind.”
“I tell her chocolate chip, and she comes over, sticks her finger in the dough, and takes a chunk.”
“I got so mad I told her to get out.”
“She’s banned. I didn’t care.”
“When AJ tried to argue with me, I said I would not renew his lease if she’s not gone in two minutes.”
“They left and I am now being called an a**hole by friends.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Nina needs to learn how to pack better.”
“If she knows she’s going to be over when she has work the next day… make sure you bring something you can wear to work.”
“If you know that your period is coming… pack the items you need.”
“In that regard, better yet, always carry some in your bag since periods aren’t usually considerate.”
“If she’s been told that you don’t like her touching anything of yours, then she should have been able to restrain herself from sticking her fingers in your dough.”
“While it seems a lot to ban her for that alone, it’s not just because of that… it’s because of ALL of the inconvenience and lack of consideration she brings into your life.” ~ fallingintopolkadots
“NTA in the slightest.”
“You opened up YOUR home and now they’re mad that they can’t just take whatever they want?”
“F**k that.”
“Reminds me of a girl my buddy was dating a decade or so ago.”
“Anytime we went anywhere, she wouldn’t have money and my buddy didn’t make a lot.”
“He’d always say, ‘Hey, can she have some of your pitcher (beer)?'”
“Or if I would order an appetizer at dinner, she’d just help herself and say, ‘I thought they were for sharing!'”
It got to the point where we stopped inviting our own buddy to go and do anything with us until they broke up.” ~ pizzaduh
“Years ago, I had a roommate whose girlfriend lived a few hours away, and they would switch between spending the weekend in our city and the city where she lived.”
“Every single weekend she was in town, I would go into the bathroom and find my shampoo, conditioner, body wash, lotion, etc. bottles uncapped with the product all over the bottle.”
“I have no idea why she was incapable of not making a mess, but it was absurd.”
“I brought it up every time, starting with asking her not to use my things all the way to asking if she needed to use my things if she was really in a pinch to at the very least not leave the bottles covered in product.”
“Without fail, she would nod, my roommate would nod, and then the same thing would happen the next weekend she was in town.”
“After a few cycles of this, I moved my toiletries to my bedroom once I knew she was in town, only to have this ***** knock on my door one day saying she needs to grab my shampoo and conditioner because she doesn’t like the brand her boyfriend uses.”
“The absolute gall of moochers/users is just baffling to me.” ~ yourenotmymom_yet
“NTA. You are not her friend.”
“You are not her roommate.”
“You don’t owe Nina ANYTHING, and she’s not entitled to your items or time just bc she’s dating your roommate.”
“You set clear boundaries with Nina and informed AJ of the consequences if she crossed the line again.”
“And then she decided to help herself by sticking her hand into your cookie dough.”
“Nina was deliberately antagonizing you, and AJ isn’t going to do a damn thing about it because he’s not going to jeopardize the benefits of his relationship.” ~ Key-Bit1208
“PostCovid, I would’ve kicked her out for putting her grubby hands in the dough too.”
“She could’ve asked, and then you might’ve said ‘get a spoon.’”
“She’s not housebroken, she needs to go. NTA.” ~ wordsmythy
“NTA. The woman is a mooch, who at this point seems to be needling you intentionally.”
“Now that AJ has thrown the flying monkeys at you, your relationship with him is probably not retrievable so it’s time to give him notice to quit whether or not Nina reappears.” ~ MarramTime
“NTA. She asked to borrow pants??”
“Nina sounds incredibly obnoxious.”
“Does she think it’s cute to be that unprepared?”
“She didn’t know she had to go to work? Ugh.”
“Putting her finger in your cookie dough, after everything you said to her and AJ, is just too much.”
“She sounds like a nightmare.” ~ Even_Budget2078
OP responded…
“We’re about the same size.”
“So she would come over and forget work stuff, so she would knock on my door and ask for pants or socks.”
“One time they were going to go hiking and she asked to borrow shorts.”
“I keep telling her to stop asking.”
“I have not loaned her a single thing other than toilet paper and an extra toothbrush.”
“At first I was like OK with it because she would come over a couple times a week.”
“She asked to join dinner a couple of times, which is fine.”
“But it’s the constant asking for things like a facial mask… Or lotion or sunblock or some beauty product or getting mad at me because I don’t have tampons when I don’t wear tampons.”
Reddit continued…
“NTA… you’ve set a boundary that you aren’t comfortable with sharing, especially without her asking, and she is trampling that.”
“I am personally very private with my things and don’t personally like to share a lot either, so this would also frustrate me immensely.”
“Your roommate should buy her things to keep at the place so she doesn’t constantly need to borrow yours.”
“While I agree she sounds insufferable and needs to take responsibility for bringing the things she needs and not relying on you, your roommate also pays rent so he can choose to have whoever he wants around.”
“Which makes it difficult to ban her say you aren’t renewing his lease which makes me assume you are the contract holder or rent the place to him?”
“If you are intent on evicting him make sure you have someone lined up and give him enough time to find another place.”
“In the meantime lock your cupboards and doors if possible to keep your things safe from Nina.” ~ underratedspooks
“NTA… but just kick him out as soon as you can.”
“He’s already shown you that he has no respect for you and will back his gf being completely intrusive and rude.”
“Out with them both.” ~ friendly
“NTA. Because you were very clear with AJ.”
“You told him one more step over the line and she would be gone.”
“Your line was lack of respect for any of your property, which includes the cookie dough.”
“Normally, I would think you were the a-hole for such a reaction.”
“But, his job was to communicate your boundaries with her and your reasons were valid for not wanting to be asked for your things all the dang time!” ~ Having-hope3594
“NTA! My God, if someone stuck their fingers in cookie dough I was mixing up and took some with their bare germy hands, I would stare at them in disbelief and wonder if they were off their meds.”
“She is not your friend.”
“You’ve given a warning, absolutely follow through for your own peace.”
“Maybe add a visitor clause in your rental agreement if you offer up that room again in the future.”
“Good luck.” ~ waterfallwishes
“NTA – Nina needs to learn some boundaries.”
“After a couple of fierce no’s and boundaries, you’d think she’d learn to tiptoe around you, but here she comes sticking her nasty fingers in your food.”
“Holy hell.” ~ SunshineShoulders87
“NTA, you gave plenty of warning about Nina pressing your buttons.”
“However, can you afford to keep your place without renting the extra room out?”
“Most of us reach a point where we just don’t want to deal with roommates anymore and I think you reached it like five years ago.” ~ JeepersCreepers74
“NTA. You communicated.”
“You requested.”
“You warned.”
“They screwed up.” ~ SnoopyisCute
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You were clear on your boundaries.
You gave both of them several chances.
The rest is on them.
Enjoy your cookies!