High school is a rough time for a lot of people and a series of years that some really do not like to look back on.
But there are some people at the other end of the spectrum who are the reason why high school was so horrible, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor RuleVirtual6303 was one of those people who actively bullied their peers in high school.
When one of their victims reappeared in their life in a surprising way, the Original Poster (OP) wanted to bury their past and have their bullying years not come up again.
They asked the sub:
“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) for not wanting a woman I used to bully at my wedding?”
The OP had created a decent life for themselves after high school.
“I wasn’t a great person in high school. My friends and I had our own little clique and we weren’t nice to some of our classmates.”
“I tried going to college but it wasn’t for me. I got a job at a car dealership and eventually started selling cars. I’m pretty good at it so I make a good living.”
Their younger brother had gone in a different direction.
“My younger brother did great in university and he has a pretty good future ahead of him.”
“After he graduated, he started working in the city, and there is a club there for graduates from his university.”
“He ran into a girl that I wasn’t very nice to in high school. She is a couple of years older than him but they started dating. I don’t think she realized he was my brother. He likes that they grew up in the same town.”
“They are at the meeting the family stage, and he brought her home for Christmas. My parents had sold their home after we all moved out so they didn’t live in the same town anymore.”
There was an awkward moment between the girlfriend and the OP.
“She recognized me right away. I didn’t recognize her. I guess she got past the ugly duckling part of growing up. She is very physically attractive. She is also doing well in life.”
“She didn’t say anything until I approached her after dinner.”
“She asked if I honestly couldn’t remember her. I didn’t. Until she reminded me of the stuff I used to do to her. I felt sick to my stomach.”
“I immediately apologized for everything and said that I had been an a**hole kid and that I had grown up since then.”
“She said that she was glad and that she accepted my apology.”
The OP didn’t want to have to see her again at their wedding.
“I sent out my wedding invitations recently and my brother RSVPed with his plus one.”
“I asked him who he was bringing.”
“He said that he was bringing his girlfriend. The girl from Christmas. So I guess she never mentioned me.”
“I kind of want to ask him not to bring her. A lot of my old friends will be at the wedding and I don’t want anything to happen.”
“She forgave me but I still think it is kind of shady that she never brought up our past with my brother.”
“Would it be an a**hole move if I asked him not to bring her to my wedding?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP hadn’t really grown up or changed at all.
“You haven’t matured. You don’t even feel remorse. If you did, you would’ve apologized instead of worrying about how your family will see you should your brother’s girl come clean about your wrongdoings.” – quinteroreyes
“Calling you ‘the a**hole’ is way too nice, in my opinion. You are a bad person who has convinced yourself you are good.”
“Re-evaluate yourself. The only way to ‘grow up’ is to be honest about who you are and try and change it. Simply declaring you are better now than you used to be doesn’t make it so.” – habsmd
“Have you really changed all that much? If you’ve invited your mean girl clique, maybe tell them to grow up and not cause trouble.”
“Clearly, your former victim didn’t cause a scene. And you’ve no way of knowing what she said to your brother.”
“Why don’t YOU be the wonderful person you now think you are and talk to HIM first? Did it not occur to you that this intelligent, educated, beautiful woman is trying NOT to cause trouble? She had every right to confront you. Every right. You ruined a period of her life.”
“If you are the better person that you think you are, you’d warn any of your ‘clique’ they’d better behave or don’t bother showing up.”
“But you’d rather exclude your victim. That says tons about you.” – Sock-United
“Not recognizing a victim is common for bullies like you. Bullies don’t recognize their victims because they don’t care about the things they did. The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.”
“Real change and remorse come when you recognize your own faults and not hide them.”
“Also, you are still friends with your bully friends says a lot about you.” – RandoPanchie
“I’m confused about why you had to ask your brother who he was bringing. He brought her to meet your family at Christmas. Who else would be his plus-one?”
“She’s done you a solid by not telling your brother what you did to her (yet). I have a feeling it’s going to come out sooner or later, so you should probably be prepared for that.”
“YTA, obviously. You’re not truly worried about possible wedding drama. You’re trying to avoid being outed as a bully.”
“Rather than asking your brother to come alone/bring someone else, your best bet is to own up to what you did and let them decide if they want to participate.”
“You need to let her know you’re inviting your old clique, too. Hopefully, they didn’t all peak in high school and have actually matured, but she deserves to know that before facing you all at once.” – MonOubliette
Others agreed and thought the woman was being the bigger person.
“Have you maybe considered the fact that she doesn’t want your brother to know how much of a bully his sibling is?” – UselessInteresting
“Why should she be the one to break the news and look like she’s still holding grudges? It could be she didn’t tell him because she’s trying to move on from it all and one of those ways is leaving the past in the past. She did forgive you after all.”
“Be mature and tell him yourself then. Explain to him how you were mean at high school and one of the people you bullied was his girlfriend, but you two spoke about it on Christmas, you apologized, and she accepted your apology.”
“Let your group of friends know about her as well to lower the chances of anything awkward happening, and I’d also let the girlfriend know about the people that are gonna attend so she could prepare herself.”
“To own the things you regret, you need to show remorse and be mature about the situation, not hide or avoid it. If your brother ends up marrying her, you wouldn’t be able to keep hiding her or from her forever.”
“If you end up uninviting her to avoid conflict, YWBTA (You Would Be the A**hole) and might also lose your brother in the process. Be smart about this.” – lunaokazul
“If you’re worried about what your old friends will do at your wedding… how about this: Contact them, tell them who your brother is dating, tell them she’s to be treated extremely well and apologized to, and then focus on actually being a better person.”
“This girl is not shady. She’s being CLASSY by not broadcasting the horrific things you’d done to her. What are you going to do if your brother marries her?”
“Be an ACTUAL better person. Try to be friendly with this woman. Try to actually make up for the wretched s**t you did to her.”
“Being able to admit that you’ve been wrong is a strength.” – emorrigan
“YTA and still trying to bully her now, I’m guessing because she’s probably prettier and smarter than you since her ‘ugly ducking phase’ is over. Mean girls always wear their jealousy on their sleeves.”
“Maybe she never brought it up to your brother because she LIKES YOUR BROTHER. Newsflash: not everything is about you. Maybe she didn’t realize until she saw you and didn’t know how to tell your brother, and after you apologized, she felt no need to tell him.”
“The reason you think it’s shady is that YOU ARE SHADY, so you think everyone thinks twisted and shady like you. They don’t, invite her, warn your friends that their karma has returned. You all deserve every guilty feeling you get from seeing her.” – Pretty_Reputation_73
“YTA. You bullied her, but she’s the shady one?”
“I honestly would want her to go, so you and your friends feel uncomfortable all night, but in reality, if I were her, I wouldn’t even want to be bothered with you.”
“And honestly, for all you know, she did tell your brother what happened, but they both decided not to bring it up to you to see if you’d be the bigger person and apologize first. But you didn’t.” – WickedAngelLove
The subReddit was left shaking their heads at the OP’s priorities for their upcoming wedding. They weren’t convinced that this Redditor had actually grown or matured since high school at all, and rather than taking ownership of their past actions, they were considering hiding them by making sure there was no way for their past victim to attend their wedding.