Even though it's 2023, we still come across those people who carry around sexist comments like a badge of honor.
Sometimes we ignore them, but every once in a while, it's worth it to put them in their place, agreed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
After hearing a friend of a friend make a series of sexist comments, Redditor Far_Rock was getting sick of his double standards.
So when a perfect opportunity came up for her to make a point about his beliefs, the Original Poster (OP) did not hesitate to use it.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for asking a guy why he doesn't look like Chris Evans or Henry Cavill?"
The OP met a friend of a friend she wasn't particularly fond of.
"I've (female) met this guy, 'Jordan,' a few times in the past since we share a mutual friend, 'Brandon.'"
"Although, I'd use the term, 'mutual friend,' loosely since Brandon is only 'friends' with Jordan because their moms are best friends, and Brandon feels obligated to invite him to stuff."
"I've asked Brandon how he feels about Jordan. They basically grew up together, so, in a way, he is considered family."
In particular, she did not appreciate Jordan's sexist comments.
"Jordan, in the past, has made some passive remarks, but at the time, I didn't think much of it."
"Brandon had mentioned that Jordan is a chill guy but tends to be very socially awkward and says stuff that could come off as offensive."
That all changed during a recent party.
"Brandon had a little party at his place for Wrestlemania this past weekend."
"It was pretty fun. We were all having a good time and were having conversations about movies."
"One of them was how unfairly Henry Cavill has been treated and that he was perfect as Superman. Another was how both Chris Evans and Anthony Mackie are great as Captain America."
"Once Wrestlemania started, things then started to shift."
"Jordan looked at the female wrestlers and remarked how 'sad' it was that they allowed their bodies to look like that and that women have no excuse not to be built like Victoria's Secret models since their diets and workouts are available online on YouTube."
"Jordan went even further to say that since women don't look like Margot Robbie or Megan Fox, women must work twice as hard to look good."
"Brandon actually stopped him and said that he shouldn't say stuff like that."
"Jordan just shrugged. He stopped a little bit but would make small comments about how the women wrestlers were buff."
The OP decided to make a point.
"Later on, we ended up talking about Chris Evans and Henry Cavill again. Jordan talked about how they were perfect."
"Without thinking about it, I go, 'Yeah, so why don't you look like them?'"
"Jordan was taken aback and speechless. He started to spew stuff out like how he wasn't as tall as them, nor was his body built like them."
"I told him that's exactly why all women can't look like Victoria's Secret models."
"After that, he was quiet for the rest of the night."
Brandon called the OP out on her comments.
"The next day, I got a text from Brandon saying that, while he agrees with me, he says that next time I should just let him handle Jordan."
"He said again that Jordan says the wrong stuff and is offensive without meaning to be."
"While I do agree that nobody should be compared to anyone, I felt like Jordan needed to have a taste of his own medicine."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some didn't think it seemed like Brandon could "handle" anything, unlike the OP.
"NTA. You didn't even say anything offensive (unlike him). You just pointed out the hole in his hypocritical logic."
"Jordan is TA for obvious reasons. But Brandon is also an AH for not allowing you to speak for yourself. Brandon is clearly enabling Jordan's terrible behavior." - imothro
"The obvious flaw in Brandon's comment is that OP wouldn't have needed to say anything if he had completely shut Jordan down. But he didn't. So OP did. Good on her." - middlestauthor
"Brandon told OP to 'let him handle Jordan,' which he didn't or couldn't do. I actually think it sounds like Brandon's scolding was just meaningless noise to Jordan (Come on, man, you can't say that,' but say what, right?), whereas OP's pointed and relevant comment got through to him. Good on OP." - BarracudaGullible
"NTA."
"Jordan is another case of 'he can dish it out, but he can't take it.'"
"Brandon is just an enabler, so he doesn't have to deal with drama or crap from his mom because he doesn't play with the weird kid anymore."
"Besides, all women wrestlers at this year's WrestleMania looked really good. Jordan is just an insecure, hypocritical brat." - DivineJerziboss
"They say if there's one outspoken racist in a quiet crowd of five, it's a crowd of five racists, and the same holds true for misogynists. These bigoted mentalities thrive under an illusion of commonality within a social environment that doesn't challenge it, and that's what you did… you challenged his bigotry."
"You didn't go scorched earth and tell him off for believing women inherently owe it to the world to look like Victoria Secret models and disparaging those who don't as though it's due to a character flaw, and to be clear, you absolutely could have, though it would have made him defensive."
"What you did was take responsibility for your role in a group dynamic, and own that responsibility and your space to speak up against this person's problematic views as an equal within it. That's a far better way to approach situations like these because, as far as they're concerned, an unchallenged view is a commonly held one."
"You set the tone for the whole group by calling him out in a way that hopefully prompts him to examine his whole opinion, and with any luck, given the lack of voices coming to his aid or chiming in along with him, he will."
"NTA and Bravo! You shut him down beautifully." - about97cats
"NTA. Actually, it's kinda a good sign that your comments shut Jordan up. It makes me think you made him think about his double standard for the first time, which might help him a great deal."
"You weren't personally attacking his looks or him either. No one should have to look like Victoria's Secret models, Henry Cavill or Chris Evans. It's a miserable thing to have to upkeep!"
"Tell Branden if he doesn't want people to help him potty train his puppy, then he shouldn't bring it with him." - Office_Desk906
Others took serious issue with Jordan's misogynistic behavior and comments.
"Brandon is making excuses for Jordan by saying he's 'socially awkward' and 'didn't mean it.' F**k that. If he actually didn't mean it, he would've apologized profusely and stopped making any more comments."
"Instead, he just shrugged when he was called out and continued to make comments. He didn't even apologize when OP called him out. OP, Jordan is 100% NOT socially awkward and saying things he doesn't mean. He's an unapologetic misogynist." - Underbourne
"NTA. Jordon got a taste of his own medicine by having the logic he articulated applied to his situation. He sounds like he's got a lot of maturing to do."
"As for Brandon, it sounds like he's conditioned himself to apologize for Jordan's bad behavior over the years. He seriously needs to re-evaluate that friendship." - failure_as_a_dad
"NTA, but these people are sexist. You should be silent and listen to harassment so someone else does not feel bad? Why are you less important than they are?"
"The thing is, the group is used to enabling this guy. You didn't, and they're not sure how that works. Set and keep the boundary that you will not enable his disgusting behavior and if he can't handle it he should be told it's unacceptable."
"I am an autistic adult and know silence is complicit behavior and enabling bad. It's not that hard." - FirebirdWriter
"I'm sorry, but, unless Jordan is a toddler who is just learning what words mean, there is no excuse for his behavior."
"Being socially awkward or having ASD or whatever they'll blame this on is not an excuse to be a misogynist, which is what Jordan was, and what Brandon is asking you to ignore. NTA." - xlcxx
"NTA."
"Men, and I say this as one, have to do a better job of checking our peers on that sh*t; making excuses for him is bulls**t. He doesn't mean well; he isn't just awkward; he's just a judgmental misogynistic hypocrite. There's no need to dress it up or pretend like he's a 'good guy' or 'chill' outside of that. His personality doesn't exist outside of that, that's a part of it, and that makes him an a**hole, not just an awesome but misunderstood cool guy."
"F**k that noise, Jordan says 'the wrong stuff' because he thinks 'the wrong stuff' and 'believes the wrong stuff,' he's an a**hole, and Brandon is just as big an a**hole for excusing it, protecting him from the natural consequences of his behavior and continuing to include him when he's an outright asshole to people."
"F**k that noise. Show Brandon this thread and ask him when you can expect his apology. Then tell him you're going to keep your distance until he learns to be a better friend." - SaltyDangerHands
The subReddit applauded the OP for taking care of herself and also teaching Jordan an important lesson about his way of thinking. Based on his reaction, the OP may have been the first person to address this with him, and he could either grow with it or continue to be a questionable friend.















Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.