The choice to divorce is never taken lightly, particularly by parents.
So when any couple should find themselves coming to that decision, it is most likely for the best.
It is important, however, for any divorced parents to show their children that they are still their top priority, which includes remaining civil when they see each other.
Something that far too many divorced couples find particularly challenging.
Redditor Beginning_Habit_9401 went through an acrimonious divorce with his ex-wife, leaving him with primary custody of their son.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s wife recently went through an equally acrimonious breakup, which put her and her second son, from another relationship, under some financial strain.
This led the OP’s ex to ask him for help with her son, in one specific area.
Help the OP flatly refused to give.
Wondering if he was being insensitive towards his ex-wife and her child, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not sending my son to school with lunch for his half brother?”
The OP explained why he refused his ex-wife’s request to provide a little help for their son’s half-brother:
“My son (8) has a half brother (6) who goes to the same school as him.”
“I am not a part of his half brother’s life and I have never interacted with this child.”
“My ex and I are high conflict and we only communicate through an app.”
“Though she does still text me requests sometimes.”
“But this is not something the judge in our custody issues cares about because I ignore all texts from her unless it’s an emergency (like the time our son was sent to the hospital).”
“The father of her younger son is not in the picture and her last relationship broke down in a pretty big way.”
“Her younger son saw this guy as his dad and so it was extra upsetting for him, something my son has told me.”
“My ex has sent texts about struggling more with him gone and him spending a lot of her money before he left.”
“In August she sent me five texts asking me to send our son into school with lunch for his half brother.”
“I have primary custody of our son.”
“She has every other weekend and 2 week chunks during the summer.”
“So I’m the primary parent of our son and I take care of school lunches, etc.”
“I ignored her request and sent my son in with lunch just for him.”
“She asked me again in September to send in enough for her other son and I still ignored her.”
“Since the start of this month she has sent me several more texts calling me an a**hole and saying I’m taking our issues out on her child and how I could have a heart and feed her other kid too.”
“She told me I could do a lot more to be a father figure since our son adores me so much and is growing up way better than her son is.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community stood firmly on the side of the OP, agreeing he wasn’t the a**hole for refusing to provide lunch for his son’s half-brother.
Everyone agreed that it was not the OP’s responsibility to provide for a child that wasn’t his, and his ex-wife needed to get her act together and provide for her child, with some even questioning how fit she was to be a mother:
“NTA and since you both share a ‘high conflict’ history: stick to the legal form of communication and take on no responsibility to anyone outside your son.”
“Even ‘kind gestures’ can be twisted into stories told to the courts that casts shade on you.”
“Consider this: Text her once in the app.”
“To date I’ve receive (x) number of messages from you dated SEPT 5 to OCT 11 requesting I send a lunch to school for your son (age X) to be delivered to him via our son, (age X). I have not responded to this request nor have I sent food to your son.”
“This led you to state demeaning opinions about me.”
“Consider seeking food and social services support by contacting the school for a list of community resources.”
“Do not contact me about this topic again. — If this suggestion is truly outside of what you are comfortable doing then don’t. It does demonstrate she is struggling and is potentially not accessing community support she may or may not qualify for.”
“OP…you made the right choice.”
“Remain level headed and although your son has a brother, your focus is rightfully-on raising him.”
“No need to cave to her manipulation and demeaning statements.”
“Best to you!”- DesertSong-LaLa
“NTA, the first day you send a lunch, will slowly become 2 or 3 times a week, then every day.”
“Then it will be a few school supplies, then a pair of shoes, a new bag followed by more and more.”- Organic-Mix-9422
“OK, had to read this a few times and still a bit confused.”
“But if you are saying you are not genetically related to the 6 year old, and you’ve never been a regular part of his life.”
“NTA.”
“If the boy is suffering, it is a direct result of poor choices your ex made.”
“Not your problem.”
“But if this is the United States, the kid probably qualifies for both free lunch and free breakfast at school.”
“If she’s so desperate she needs to beg you for food for kiddo, then kiddo should be getting 10 free meals at school each week.”
“Regardless, it’s not your problem.”- CommunityGreat9255
“NTA.”
“You have neither a relationship with nor obligation to her younger son.”
“She needs to get child support from his dad if she hasn’t, and go to a food shelf and get on a free lunch program if she’s that poor.”- Clean_Factor9673
“NTA.”
“The 6 yo has a father and it’s not OP.”
“If he starts taking responsibility for her 6 yo will she be able to sue for child support?”-ExplanationUsed2769
“NTA.”
“Why isn’t she feeding him?”
“NTA.”
“She needs to bring this up with the school.”
“There will likely be schemes and/or charities available for people in her position.”
“I’ve also seen Facebook groups willing to help as well as asking her own family.”
“It just comes across as her taking the laziest route possible asking you to do the work.”- stophittingthyself
“NTA.”
“It’s unfortunate that your ex makes poor choices in life and cannot take care of her child but that’s not your problem.”
“It’s sad for the child.”
“Does your son want to take a lunch for his half brother?”-jam7789
“NTA.”
“Wondering tho how she’s feeding your son on her weekends.”- zianuray
“NTA.”
“Clearly, the half brother is not your responsibility.”
“But you should consult your attorney to make sure your response (or lack thereof) is appropriate.”
“And document!”- Apprehensive_Skin150
“NTA.”
“I’d send her one text telling her to stop texting you about her other child’s needs and that she needs to ask the school for help or links to resources that can help her.”
“If you start sending in lunches then she’ll start asking for help with something else and on and on.”
“Next thing you know you’ll be on court for child support because you’ve shown you’re willing to step up and be there for him.”- New_Shallot_7000
“NTA.”
“Generally speaking if the school can’t or doesn’t provide lunch, she should be eligible for some sort of societal relief depending on where you live?”
“If she is pretending she cannot afford to feed her child, then she needs to investigate other avenues.”
“She needs to put some pressure on the child’s father.”
“She can take him to court.”
“It’s not your fault or problem she has made poor choices in partners.”
“It’s also not your problem to fix.”- dart1126
“I feel sorry for your son’s half-sibling.”
“He is going to have a hard life with a mother like your ex.”
“She might be struggling financially, but instead of taking a second job or looking for assistance, she decided that trying to manipulate an ex was the best solution to her problems.”
“Stick to the parenting app, and don’t give in to her ploys.”
“This year she is looking for free lunches for her other kid.”
“Ten years from now it will be college tuition.”
“NTA.”- theoldman-1313
This is a very sad situation all around, as who can begrudge a woman looking for a way to feed her child? However, that is not the responsibility of the OP, who needs to worry about providing for his own child first.
While the OP’s ex-wife has every right to ask for help, she should not expect others to solve her problems.
A mindset that more than likely got her in the current predicament she currently finds herself in.