No two people share the same standards of cleanliness and hygiene.
Some folks are fine showering or bathing only a couple of times a week, here and there.
Others have a more regimented schedule, showering multiple times a day, washing their hands regularly, and never leaving the home without hand sanitizer, which they use constantly.
While some are willing to live and let live, others have less tolerance for those with different hygiene standards. Redditor Minute_Assumption800 found themself in a pickle with their wife.
Specifically, she wouldn’t let the original poster (OP) in their bed at night, fearing they weren’t clean enough.
The OP’s wife eventually made a demand before allowing them into their shared bed, which the OP was not willing to oblige.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA? Wife demands I shower at night not AM, calls me disgusting.”
The OP explained why their wife wouldn’t allow them into their marital bed:
“My wife demands that I shower at night or says I am not allowed in the bed and I am disgusting and unattractive.”
“I sometimes like to shower in the morning when I am already tired at bedtime.”
“I work in a clean office setting, and all of my dirty articles of clothing are obviously off before I try to go to bed.”
“If I was covered in dirt, I would shower, but I’m not.”
“I usually shower at night to appease her wishes.”
“This is only when I am extremely tired and just want to sleep.”
“She also lets our dirty dog sleep in the bed.”
“AITA, or is she being controlling?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not showering every night.
Everyone agreed that his wife was incredibly controlling, and it was ridiculous that she let the dog sleep in the bed, but not the OP simply because they didn’t shower every night:
“NTA.”
“She lets the dog sleep in bed.”
“Unless she is bathing that dog before bed every day, too, then she’s being controlling, and it’s not really an actual cleanliness thing.”
“My dog sleeps in my bed but I would never consider him clean, he licks his butt for crying out loud.”
“I just change the sheets more often.”
“I do think you should edit the post to mention the dog is allowed in bed.”- AthenaND04
“NTA.”
“She lets the dog in bed. She has no grounds to complain.”- Thequiet01
“NTA.”
“it was the LAST line that clinched it for me.”
“She lets the DOG sleep in the bed.”
“That’s when her argument is complete and total BS.”
“Is she washing the dog daily?”
“Of course not.”
“Tell her to take her bull elsewhere, that her argument is a moot point when the DOG sleeps in the bed.”
“End of discussion.”
“I have a dog, and he sleeps in bed.”
“I know it’s terrible, but whatever, I love my pup, and I know I would be a hypocrite to the max to even suggest a person who doesn’t shower before bed is disgusting etc when I let my dog sleep in the bed.”- wpgjud.
“NTA.”
“Especially with the added info that she lets the dog sleep in the bed.”
“I highly doubt the doggo is taking nightly showers.”- No_Lifeguard7215
“As someone who works in IT and is in the office 90% of the time:”
“I do shower in the morning as well.”
“I tried showering in the evening; yes, it does feel good to go to bed fresh and clean.”
“But I also sweat at night, and my hair gets oily from rolling around in bed and sweating and stuff.”
“So I had to shower in the morning again.”
“And 2 times a day is just not healthy for me; my skin dries up like crazy, and my head itches from being dry as well.”
“If it was a hot day like this summer, I would shower in the afternoon when I get home.”
“Usually just in the morning, I want to be fresh for work and not have the smell of sleep on me, since I don’t perfume myself every day and my deodorant doesn’t have a strong smell.”
“Absolutely NTA!”
“You can wash yourself in the evening or before bed if you feel like it.”
“But i also wouldn’t shower two times a day or go to work with the smell of sleep and bedroom.”- VanderPatch
“NTA.”
“Once a day is perfectly normal, and showering in the morning is even the norm within that pool.”- Dovahkiin_Vokun
“NTA.”
“I live in Europe and on days I don’t leave the house, sometimes I don’t even shower.”
“36 hours between a shower instead of 24, in a situation like yours where I’m not doing anything that would leave dirt on my skin or hair, is not going to kill me.”
“Once a day is fine.”
“If you’re changing your bedding once a week or more and removing your worn clothes, the difference is negligible.”- FlexSlut
“I’m gonna go with NTA, but as someone who also works in an ‘office’ setting (WFH), I have converted to nighttime showers.”
“Showering in the morning makes me feel refreshed, but after sitting at my desk all day, I came to realize how sweaty we get just existing.”
“I was firmly in the camp that I wasn’t dirty, so I shouldn’t shower before bed, but dirty and sweaty are not synonyms.”
“I also noticed less acne when I started showering before bed because I wasn’t sleeping on super oily sheets and pillows.”
“Try it out. Worst-case scenario, you hop in the shower quickly in the morning to feel extra refreshed.”
“She could’ve communicated better without being insulting to OP and calling him disgusting.”
“I don’t think it’s unreasonable to skip a nighttime shower when you’re exhausted and want to relax/go to bed immediately.”- seekhelpffs
“This seems like a rather bizarre topic, but hey, why not? I’ll weigh in.”
“OK, let me start by saying I am 70 years old, retired and rarely leave my home (by choice).”
“I have gotten a little weird throughout the years, and by now, I don’t think my 30-year-old me would recognize who I have evolved into – for both good and bad reasons – but hey, I’m not here for therapy.”
“When I was working, I always showered as soon as I got out of bed each day.”
“For the most part, I always worked inside and never got dirt dirty.”
“However, I spent ten years in the Army and spent a lot of time in the field.”
“We learned how to take a ‘wh*res bath’ using our steel pots (helmets) as a basin.”
“In those days, I have gone a week or more without a proper shower.”
“So today, I have a new routine.”
“Basically, I shower every other day, as soon as I get out of bed.”
“On days I don’t shower in the morning but have plans for later that day, I’ll shower in the afternoon before we go out or entertain in our home.”
“The reason I don’t like to shower in the evening is the same reason I like to shower in the morning – it stimulates me.”
“If I take a shower before bed, I do not fall asleep as easily; if I take one in the morning, I am wide awake.”
“3 times a day, under normal circumstances, is a stretch for me.”
“No, you are not the AH.”- Fit-Search-9903
“NTA.”
“My bf showers at night, and I shower in the morning.”
“We just wash our sheets weekly.”
“I can’t stand wet hair at night, and he doesn’t mind it.”
“Who gives a f*ck just shower when u want.”- tornteddie
“NTA.”
“Showering once a day is normal.”- completedett
“NTA.”
“Your wife is a freak, so are most people in the thread with their complexes about showers and beds.”- Evening-World-2964
“NTA and people in these comments are insane.”- Frequent_Relief_2252
“NTA.”
“She is being a jerk.”
“Why does she think you need her permission to get in bed?”- AmazingAd2765
“NTA.”
“I shower in the morning or sometimes every other day in the winter.”
“If your wife wants you to shower before sex, then she can just ask you nicely to shower.”
“The fact that she lets your dog sleep in the bed is next level if she thinks her office working husband is too dirty to sleep beside her.”- IndependentMethod312
It’s not an unreasonable concern that someone might make the sheets dirty or uncomfortable to sleep in.
However, it’s hard not to question the logic of someone who refuses to let their spouse share their bed unless they shower but allows the dog to share their bed regularly.
If the OP’s wife is, in fact, bathing and washing their dog every night, then we can’t say she’s being hypocritical.
Even so, one imagines that the OP’s cleanliness at the end of the day is still a few steps above a bathed dog…