Transparency is important in a relationship.
Keeping something hidden from your partner, no matter the reason, has the potential to put a strain on your relationship should said secret be discovered.
Redditor y was not at all pleased to learn that her fiancé kept what she felt was a fairly significant piece of information from her, believing it deeply affected their impending marriage.
But concerned that she overreacted, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for calling my fiancé a jerk?"
The OP first shared how she and her fiancé both have children from previous relationships, and noticed something rather unusual regarding the sleeping arrangements in her fiancé's house.
"My (28 F[emale]) fiancé (38 M[ale]) proposed to me last week."
"We've been dating for 2 years."
"He has a 15-year-old daughter from a previous marriage, her mom passed away 5 years ago, and I have a 6-year-old son."
"When my fiancé and I started to date, I noticed that his daughter had the master bedroom."
"I found it weird because I've never seen a child taking over the master bedroom before, but he brushed it off saying that the house was ''hers'' so it was normal she slept there, with no further explanation."
"I thought he meant as in inheritance from when he passed away, which still was weird because he was alive, but either way, I didn't say anything because we were only beginning and I knew it wasn't my business."
But as they began to plan their life together as husband and wife, it eventually became clearer to the OP what her fiancé meant by saying his house belonged to his daughter, and his answer did not please her one bit.
"Now that we're engaged, I said that I wanted to move here to live together for a while before we decided the wedding date."
"He said that we could do it or we could get our own house now, because we will have to do it regardless."
"I asked what was wrong with this one and he said nothing, but that it was his daughter's."
"To be honest now I did get a little mad, I said it wasn't fair he called it his daughter's when we were about to get married and he was supposed to adopt my son, so now the house should be theirs and not only hers."
"I also said I wanted his daughter out of the master because it was ours."
"He got a little nervous and said that the house really belonged to his late wife and when she passed, the house became his daughter's."
"He has enough money for maybe 60% of a house, but that we will have to pay off the rest together."
"I was shocked and said that he could ask his daughter for the house because she's only 15 and he is her dad but he said no, that it was his daughter's."
"I got angry and called him a jerk because he should've told me the truth before, and he said that it's not like we will be homeless or anything."
"We still have 3 years, and maybe 4 after that because his daughter will leave for college."
"He said he has always known he has to move out and that's why he saved."
"I asked what else belonged to his daughter that I didn't know of and he said that his car, a 2020 KIA, the car that I always use will be hers when she leaves for college."
"I called him a jerk again and left with my son to my parent's house."
"When I told my family my brother laughed because I talked and acted like a gold digger and called me an AH."
"I felt betrayed and lied to, am I really the a**hole?"
"I think I'm justified."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community did not sympathize with the OP, agreeing she was the a**hole for the way she behaved towards her fiancé.
Many felt that this was something the OP should have addressed with her fiancé much sooner, and a free house shouldn't be the be all and end all of their relationship.
"Have you never talked about your financial future/house plans before getting engaged?"
"It seems very strange to me that this has never come up in more detail than the initial thing about the daughter's bedroom."-Left-Car6520.
"YTA."
I don't understand how it's lies and betrayal?"
"He did tell you, you just thought it meant something different."
"You didn't ask for clarification, he didn't offer it, probably a mistake on both sides as you should have had that talk before getting engaged."
"It's a weird situation for sure, but you can't just take his daughter's house from her so YTA for that."
"Sure you aren't getting what you thought you were getting in terms of living space after marriage but it's that the only reason you were with him?"
"If so then, yeah you do sound like a gold digger."
"If not then talk to him."
"There's a lot of talking it seems like you are missing before you get married so may as well start now."-Aenthralled.
"YTA."
"Let me count the ways."
"1. You should have clarified what he meant when he said the house was his daughter's inheritance."
"2. You don't respect your fiancé's role as father and steward of her property."
"3. You think you are entitled to this child's property and to displace her."
"4. Same w/the car."
"5. You obviously don't care about having a good relationship with your soon to be stepdaughter."
"6. The name calling was mild, but really doesn't bode well for your relationship."- flaky-burnt.
"I'm gonna say YTA."
"What exactly didn't he tell you?"
"He said it was her house which you interpreted as inheritance which was correct."
"You were just wrong in who she'd inherited the house from."
"Granted he could've been more specific but he was not wrong in saying it's her house when it is."
"I do think it's kinda shitty of you to ask him to go to her and ask if he can have the house to move in his new wife to be and her son."
"Also to give up the master bedroom in a house she'd now be the master of."
"You're mad because a car you use all the time isn't his?"
"Why is that a problem for you?"
"Don't you have a vehicle?"
"I don't think he's being a jerk I think he's respecting his late wife's will and her wishes which have nothing to do with you."
"It is weird you got mad about being told that stuff that's not yours not being yours just cause you were going to be married."
"It does come across as a bit gold diggery to me."-LazyManGames1992.
While others felt that it was truly generous for the late wife of the OP's fiancé to leave the house to her daughter and the OP was not entitled to an opinion on the matter.
"Bless the late wife's choice to leave the house in her daughter's name."
"Although I might find the bedroom allocation a little funny, it's up to them."
"OP is not entitled to push the daughter out."
"Expecting fiancé to take the car and the house back because she's just a kid is a recipe to remain a single mother and makes OP the AH."- This_Grab_452.
"YTA."
"It sounds like his wife did the right thing to insure that her daughter always has a home - considering you're now trying to push her out of it."
"My parents are split, and I'm the youngest."
"both parents agreed that the house goes to me and since the divorce the house has been put under my name."
"Not my dads, why?"
"Because it insured that I will have a home to live in if anything happens to them, and my father always said that if he ever dates or remarries - his future partner will NOT be pushing me out because I was here first."
"This is MY home that I grew up in."
"Obviously it will be mine and no one else's."
"Sounds like your fiancés wife did the same thing, but since she's deceased - she won't be able to make sure her child will be okay."
"So she did the one thing that she could to make sure that her daughter WILL be okay."
"And she did a great job."- dinkydish
"YTA."
"You are not entitled to his house or his car and the fact that they are actually his daughter's means you are even less entitled to them."
"Your brother has the correct assessment."
"Don't marry this man, he and his daughter deserve better than you."- MotherOfCrotchFruit.
"YTA, your brother is right, you sound like a gold digger."- SeaGlass-76.
"Yes, you are YTA."
"Why do you feel entitled to your fiancé's late wife's house?"
"It now belongs to their daughter."
"Grow up and start sharing financial responsibility with your fiancé."- nothingclever4now
"YTA. If I left my things to my daughters when I pass, and my husband bullied them into giving it to his new girlfriend, I'd be livid."
"How entitled can you be. Were you planning to alienate the daughter right away?" - CaulkRamwell
"YTA."
"My whole life, my mom told me and my sister that when she died, the house that she had built when we were kids, was to be ours and no one else's. It was common knowledge, we were very open about it being 'our house' (we didn't live in it, it was rented out at the time.)"
"When my mom died, my stepdad sold it to buy himself a Harley so he could impress his new girlfriend. He was about 70 at the time."
"YTA for wanting to essentially do the same. We were devastated."
"It's not your house." - jezebel829
"YTA. You sound like a very selfish person who loves assuming everything is about her and will be hers. Your fiancé is making the right choice; he sounds like a great father."
"Also, his late wife was an amazing person who knew people like you would try to take advantage of her daughter and her husband."
"In the future, instead of making assumptions, make sure you communicate better, ask questions, ask for clarifications." - FlowerNo4588
"YTA and this entire post makes me want to call a lawyer and draft a will to leave everything to my kids in case my husband isn't smart enough to avoid gold diggers like you."
"I'll probably do that today."
"I cannot believe the sheer audacity and cruelty of someone who would so willingly try to coerce a teenager's inheritance from her. Yikes." - jbeex5
"YTA. Are you even hearing yourself? The sheer audacity to even complain or throw a fit is insane."
"Sounds like a classic case of an entitled brat."
"The girl has already lost her mother and she's probably dealing with a lot. Get over yourself." - Unlucky_Wrongdoer_34
"He's probably moving out by his choice. I doubt his daughter is telling him that he has to leave."
"He's probably told her that she deserves the things that his wife left her and it sounds like he's done a decent job of preparing for it."
"I don't know why you think he owed you more than what he gave you."
"He didn't know you were planning to marry him so you'd get his house and his car. YTA." - TheShawnWray
"YTA… you sound really malicious. She's already lost enough yet you want more."
"If anything you sound like you want him for money."
"He's not a jerk for honouring his late wife's wishes." - TobyADev
"YTA. What kind of cruel person becomes a potential stepmother and immediately throws a tantrum because her own child can't have some of the house that the new stepchild inherited from their late mother?!"
"It's not like you were becoming homeless. He told you it was a temporary living situation but he had some money saved and obviously intended to save more in the coming time until you had to move out."
"Also, why does he have to be the one providing you with everything?"
"Why don't you have your own car?"
"Definitely giving gold digger vibes. Maybe get your own things in order before throwing a fit about others." - IrkedCupcake
The OP later returned to disclose her fiancé caught wind of her post, which not surprisingly affected their relationship.
"He saw the post and asked for his ring back."
"I guess this isn't a problem anymore."
"He'll come tomorrow to get his ring and his car, things are over."
A sad conclusion to what likely could have been resolved with some empathy from the OP toward her fiancé's child.















Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.