As relationships progress, a natural next step when things get serious is to move in together.
No matter how much you might love your partner, doing so is nonetheless a big adjustment.
As you might quickly realize that your habits and views of hyegiene and cleanliness, or tastes in music or television shows.
Then too, some people just enjoy living on their own and want that to stay the same.
The girlfriend of Redditor fireworksatlakemich suddenly found herself in need of accommodation.
She thought she had a good idea for a temporary place to live until she landed on something more permanent.
Much to her surprise, however, the original poster nixed this idea.
Potentially putting their relationship in jeopardy by doing so.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my girlfriend crash at my place while she finds a new apartment?”
The OP explained why they didn’t think their girlfriend’s solution to temporary accommodation was a good idea:
“My girlfriend and I have been together for a little under two years now.”
“Things have been going well I think.”
“Her roommate has moved out of state and now my girlfriend needs a place to stay temporarily (we both work and live in a fairly large city – i.e. not easy to find affordable arrangements).”
“My place is pretty spacious, yes.”
“However it’s just not suitable for anything more than 1 person.”
“My uncle gave me this loft (and the 50% of assets he didn’t donate to charity) and was a bachelor all his life, which is definitely how the space is intended to be used.”
“If I had to pay for a similar space in this part of the city, it would be $5-6k+ rent, i.e. 30-35% of my pre tax pay, so I definitely don’t want to move anytime soon.”
“If you don’t know what a loft is, my bedroom is on another floor from the living room/kitchen area, but there’s no physical wall between them.”
“This means you can literally hear everything.”
“Great for living by myself, not tolerable with anyone else long term.”
“That would mean I can’t play on my pc in the bedroom late at night or watch tv in the living room.”
“If you wake up in the middle of the night and want a quesadilla, you can definitely smell what’s being cooked in the kitchen and hear the blower.”
“There’s also very little privacy anywhere besides the bathroom.”
“I’m sure there are some entire families living in arrangements like this, but there are also families living in huts or closet apartments in Hong Kong.”
“My girlfriend would have to commute 70-80 minutes to get here from her parents house.”
“However she assured me she would only need 3 months to find a place so it’s not as if that’d be a long term situation.”
“There’s plenty of people who commute everyday, it’s no big deal.”
“I really don’t think she has any reason to be so upset with me about not wanting to do this.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who all but unanimously agreed that the was, indeed the a**hole for not letting their girlfriend stay with them as she looked for a new place.
Not only did everyone find the OP’s decision selfish, but many questioned why the OP even wanted to stay in this relationship if they were so set in their ways and didn’t think they could share their loft space.
“And you think she’ll be wanting to spend over an hour one way to drop by your place for bootycalls now that you’ve made clear it’s all you see her as?”
“Do you love this person and see a future with them someday or is she just a f*ck buddy to you?”
“If you love her I can’t imagine how you’d think it’s ok to be so callous in her moment of need.”
“If you don’t love her or see a real future with her, maybe it’s time to sit down and have a talk so she can decide if she’s cool with that or can move on to someone who does.”
“The inconveniences you list pale in comparison to that long of a commute.”
“You think it’s reasonable for her to spend over two hours a day a day driving so you don’t have maybe get some headphones to watch TV at night?”
“You might smell and hear cooking noises.”
“Oh the humanity.”
“Are you gonna be the type to get mad that she never has time to see you/f*ck you anymore now that she spends all her waking hours working or driving?”
“Then dump her for not being available.”
“Everything you list is something you could work around for 3 months.”
“I shared a loft with a bf in college and it’s not the end of the world.”- UrbanDryad
“Imagine being with someone for 2 years and they rather play video games then give you a place to stay?”- Comfortable-Chef-829
“And if you continue this behaviour, I am pretty sure you will be like your uncle and be a bachelor for the rest of your life.”
“Your post sounds a lot like ‘my effing buddy who thinks that she is my girlfriend wants to live with me for a short while, but I rather let her commute 70 to 80 minutes anytime I feel the need to f*ck her than to actually live in a relationship’.”
“We get it – you aren’t really into your gf and don’t care if she has to commute over an hour every morning and evening, so long as you can play games at night.”
“Why haven’t you broken up with her already?”
“You clearly have no intentions of ever marrying her or moving in with her, you’re just stringing her along.”- Ornery-Wasabi-473
“So… you’re unwilling to inconvenience yourself for just a few months so your girlfriend doesn’t have to commute for hours every day?”
“I assume you’ll still expect her to come by for sex?”
“After you’re finished gaming, of course.”
“If she were just a friend or a f*ck buddy, my vote would be NTA.”
“As she’s your girlfriend of two years, I think she should dump your selfish ass.”
“It’s a couple months of living together in a studio.”
“It’s not ideal but sometimes you deal with less than ideal for your SO, especially if it’s someone you’re in a long term relationship with.”
“You could at least offer a month or two to see how it goes.”
“Plus, you’ve been dating your gf for almost 2 years and it sounds like she’s trying to sign another year long lease.”
“If this isn’t a place you can move your GF into, shouldn’t you be thinking about how to rent it out so you can actually live with your GF?”- dobbysreward
“And from the comments, just be single.”
“You very very obviously don’t give a flying fig about your gf.”- affablysynchronized
“I don’t know if you realize this, but you have zero desire to live with her.”
“All of your concerns are about video games and cooking in the middle of the night.”
“Have you even told her about these and gotten her feedback?”
“Also, at 2 years, has there been any discussion about finding something together?”
“YTA for making this about your desire to game and cook during the night than seeing your girlfriend.”
“A 70-80 minute commute is a huge pain in the a** and you’ll probably only see her on weekends.”
“Maybe less, if you’ll have these same issues with her staying for the whole weekend.”- Malibu921
“I’m probably gonna be in the minority, but YTA for a specific reason.”
“The fact that you care more about not being able to play video games at night than the fact that your girlfriend has to find a place to live temporarily says everything I need to know.”-littlestchamomile
“YTA, do you see yourself in a long term possibly marry to your girlfriend down the line?”
“If so, I see no problem with letting her stay with you until she finds her own place no matter how long it’ll take her because in the end you guys will be living together when you guys are marry right.”
“Unless you plan on living in 2 separate place as well.”
“Base on your reasons as to why you don’t want her to move in, it seem as though you want to follow in your uncle footstep and stay a bachelor.”- BS_Detector2023
When living alone, it’s certainly easy to find yourself in a routine, which you don’t like straying from.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Unless, of course, you one day want to share your life with someone else, in which case compromises and sacrifices will have to be made.
Something the OP will hopefully realize if they want to stay in this relationship.