I have to confess, I’m the sort of person who’s quite happy not knowing my neighbors. I’m quite introverted and autistic, so minding my own business is my cup of tea.
But there are some neighbors who want to know everyone. They’ll approach whenever they catch you outside or *gasp* knock on your door just to meet you.
There’s nothing wrong with a neighborhood welcome wagon as long as boundaries are respected. After all, “no” is a complete sentence.
A woman who recently moved to a new town for her career turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a neighbor didn’t take the word “no” well.
Upstairs-History-781 asked:
“AITA for not following my neighborhood’s ‘tradition’?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (female, 25) have just moved into a neighborhood a couple weeks ago and so far it has been very peaceful. From the neighbors that have come up to me, everyone has been very friendly and welcoming which I really appreciate since I’m not from around the town.”
“I have noticed that some neighbors have been having frequent parties the last couple of weeks, but I chalked it up to it being celebrations since I know one neighbor’s daughter just graduated high school, and July 4th was coming up.”
“I have been to some of these parties to get to know the other neighbors better and one person who really stands out to me is this one neighbor, Melinda—not her actual name. At a neighbor’s party she came up to me and introduced herself and we talked for a while.”
“This is when I learned about the ‘Newest Neighbor Party’. Apparently, the newest neighbor is supposed to throw a grand party showing off their home and entertain the neighborhood as a whole thing.”
“Melinda told me since I was the newest neighbor, it was my duty to do it. I thought Melinda was joking when she told me this as it didn’t make sense to me and I laughed.”
“This seemed to have had made Melinda a little angry, as she said she was serious and it was a tradition in the neighborhood and that I had 2 weeks to host a party. This was 2 weeks ago.”
“Yesterday was the day I was supposed to do this ‘tradition’, but I happily stayed in bed. Melinda and a couple neighbors came and rang the doorbell, but I ignored them and enjoyed binge watching childhood shows.”
“I decided to go outside today and Melinda came up to me furious, saying that I didn’t do the tradition and that I was being a bad neighbor.”
“The thing is, however, I asked some other people about this ‘tradition’ and they have heard that some people do it, but mostly never really mentioned it to be a reoccurring thing that each new person in the neighborhood should do.”
“When I asked a neighbor that lives to the right of me, she told me that she’s been here for 3 years and Melinda did the same exact thing to her. She had to rush to get everything ready and even when doing the party she just led everyone to the backyard to relax since her home wasn’t ready.”
“There’s so many boxes that I need to still get rid of, put things away, clean some rooms and more. I sleep on the couch for now with the TV on the floor since it hasn’t been mounted yet.”
“I told Melinda that I wouldn’t be throwing a party anytime soon as I didn’t feel comfortable with the thought of people coming into my home, let alone me having to entertain them.”
“Melinda got angry, saying that the neighborhood is like a ‘big family’ and stormed off. I let it go, but the neighbors that were with Melinda at my house that night have been telling me I should’ve just done the party and that I’m leaving a bad impression.”
“I plan to throw parties and such once I have a nice relationship with everyone in the neighborhood and once my house is finished to the fullest. I just moved here, there’s a lot of boxes to unpack and I have yet to be done since the delivery trucks like to take their sweet time.”
“But once everything is done in my house and I feel comfortable with it, I’ll throw a small party in the backyard or something.”
“I think my reason for saying no is justified, but I’m not really sure.”
“So AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I think the whole ‘tradition’ thing is just Melinda wanting to be in everyone’s houses, but maybe I’m in the wrong here and should’ve just thrown the party?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Look, I love a neighborhood with a good, friendly community. It really helps make the world a better place when people are kind to each other and help out.”
“But some people, like Melinda, take it way too far. A person should host a party and open their home because they want to, not because they’ve been volun-told to do so.” ~ 0biterdicta
“I think Melinda is just nosey as f*ck and wanted to see the inside of the new neighbor’s house.”
Saying the neighborhood is like a family screams ‘I plan on trampling all over your boundaries’. NTA.” ~ softsharkskin
“Absolutely NTA. I’ve never heard of a tradition like this and I think it’s ridiculous they are getting so upset over it.”
“Whilst it’s always great to have a friendly relationship with neighbours, there’s no law that says you have to host parties.”
“I’d stay clear of Melinda—my gut feeling is she’s a troublemaker.” ~ ColdstreamCapple
“NTA. Trying to force someone to have a party that they’re not comfortable having in their own home is rude as f*ck!”
“Ignore her and the other ones trying to pressure you. None of them matter. It’s not your job to do as they say and you don’t have to impress anyone, least of all them.”
“I would get security cameras, if I were you, the kind that you control with your phone so you can see who’s at your door and around your whole house. Hopefully, you won’t have to call the cops on her.”
“Enjoy your new home!” ~ LoveBeach8
“NTA – Melinda needs to stop partying, it’s interfering with her grasp on reality.” ~ ReviewOk929
The OP provided three updates over several days, beginning with:
“I see where I could’ve told Melinda that I wasn’t comfortable, but from the one to two interactions I’ve had with her, it sounds like she wouldn’t have cared regardless, but I don’t want to assume.”
“After I posted this I went to sleep, and decided to go out today. I didn’t bump into Melinda or any of her friends, so I’m not sure about her.”
“However some neighbors have offered to help me continue to move in by bringing boxes in. One of these neighbors, John (not real name) has been living here for awhile and he told me he’s not fond of Melinda and from what he has seen, some neighbors just try to avoid her or put up with her for the sake of it.”
“Someone messenged me asking how moving in was going and it has been going good, but hopefully my mattress comes in soon so I can stop sleeping on the couch, it’s rough.”
“If anything crazy happens or if Melinda comes up to me, I’ll let you all know. But that’s really it for now since it’s only been a new day.”
The OP later added:
“Melinda came up to me. I thought since she didn’t bother me yesterday, today would be the same, but it wasn’t.”
“I got out of my car and I saw Melinda ringing my doorbell like crazy and knocking hard. I got out of my car and asked her what she was doing, and she looked at me and she just looked angry and demanded an apology.”
“I asked her an apology for what and she’s saying that I’m going around asking people about the tradition and if I feel so highly about it that I should just do it like everyone else has. I think she’s crazy.”
“I told her to get off my property and to leave me alone. I just left her outside because I didn’t want to deal with her, but I heard something fall outside and go to check a few minutes later and she kicked my plant.”
“I guess we’re in a war thing now? But who kicks plants out of rage.”
Finally, the OP shared:
“Hello everyone. Happy Fourth [of July]. Melinda is crazy and I’m calling it here and now.”
“Since today is the fourth, everyone is having a big gathering in the street like a block party. I went to the store to get things for it such as hotdogs and burgers and some snacks for kids and adults because I couldn’t cook anything personally.”
“The party is still happening, I’m writing this from the bathroom. We had all of our stuff labeled so everyone knew who to thank, and the party was going good until I see Melinda at my area of the food and she’s breaking some open.”
“I would be fine with this if there wasn’t already hotdogs and hamburgers from other neighbors already being cooked, but the fact she skipped over about 3 other people’s stuff to open mine‽‽”
“I went to her and asked her what is she doing and I guess she didn’t expect me to see, because she started going on a whole spiel about me getting the wrong brand of hotdogs and stuff and how I need to think about the neighborhood.”
“It was Sabrett brand, and everyone brought those types. Before I could even say anything, she just walked off and luckily a neighbor saw my stuff open and offered to take it and put it in her freezer until its needed.”
“I’m in her house currently typing this. I feel like I’m in some weird TV show like the comments have been saying. This personal vendetta stuff is weird and annoying and it’s over a home welcoming party. She’s insane.”
Good luck to the OP in learning to live with the neighborhood menace.
They might want to remember restraining orders work for intrusive neighbors, too.