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Woman Called Out For Refusing To Sign Over Late Ex-Boyfriend’s Life Insurance Policy To His Mom

A an older woman scowling and pointing a finger.
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Surprising and frustrating as it can be, the right thing to do isn’t always the fair thing to do.

Sometimes, we might find ourselves doing what deep down we know is ethically what we’re supposed to be doing because we don’t technically have to.

We might even have the law on our side justifying our actions.

Even so, when we talk to our loved ones, it becomes all the more clear that even if we are under no legal obligation, we might have to suck it up and do what the majority of people agree is the right thing.

Redditor Elegant-Device1566 was surprised to hear from the mother of her ex-boyfriend.

While the original poster (OP) was contacted regarding some tragic news that surprisingly affected the OP’s situation.

While the mother of the OP’s ex informed her this was likely a mistake that could be easily fixed, the OP felt that there was nothing that needed fixing and felt she was more than worthy of her unexpected acquisition.

After being scolded by her ex-boyfriend’s mother, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for not declining or signing over my portion of my ex bfs life insurance payout too his mom?”

The OP explained how she. found herself in unexpectedly hot water with her ex-boyfriend’s mother and family:

“I recently learnt that my ex bf passed away of cancer in March, his mom called me last week to inform me of his passing and to inform me that myself and her are listed as beneficiaries on his life insurance from his employer.”

“She instantly tells me that she doesn’t know why he never changed it but I can decline or sign the cheque over to her once I receive it..”

“Instantly I am in shock, he’s gone?”

“And he left me on there?”


“I went back and forth wondering if this was on purpose or accidental..”

“it had been years, approximately 6, since we mutually civilly split up.”

“I was informed he had a new GF that lived with him and she has 2 kids from a previous relationship that threw a wrench into things more.”

“Is there a reason she never got put on it?”

“Was this all just a big mistake?”

“Today it has been 1 week and this has been very hard especially since his mom has been terrorizing me all week trying to get me to agree to give her this money.”

“She has said the most hurtful things, and has sent me the most disrespectful photos and video of her son in his last moments.”

“As of right now I haven’t even gotten in touch with the insurance company, I have no idea how much this is or if I need a lawyers help at this point.”

“Well today is the day I woke up knowing 100% I am keeping this money and I am not going to feel bad at all for helping my family with a gift my ex left for me.”

“Unfortunately part of me still wonders if it’s the right thing to do by my ex.”

“And if these were his wishes in the end.”

“My home burnt too the ground 3 years ago July 20th and October 1st 2 years ago my mom passed from cancer as well.”

“It has been a long hard few years and this money would literally buy myself a new bra for the first time in 3 years.”

“My little clan could really use this money, and I think my ex knew that.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who generally agreed she was definitely the a**hole for refusing to sign over her ex-boyfriend’s life insurance policy.

Everyone agreed that even if legally the OP was entitled to the money, she was nonetheless being selfish by not signing it over to her ex-boyfriend’s mother.

Many felt it seemed pretty clear that this was an oversight, as she hadn’t heard from or spoken to her ex in quite some time, with many highlighting the fact that not only did the OP never once check-in or visit her ex while he was sick, but didn’t even know it.


“Legally you may be entitled to this money but I have a very hard time believing anyone would leave their ex of 6 years ago on their life insurance on purpose when they have a family and a partner with kids.”

“You’re a HUGE asshole for keeping it, I don’t know how you’re managing to justify this to yourself.”-Ok_Smile9222

 “YTA and put yourself in literally anyone else’s shoes in this situation.”

“Your lack of empathy and attempt to make sense of this is honestly baffling.”

“There is NO reason for you to have that money when it could go to help someone that was in his life AT THE TIME THEY PASSED.”

“That’s what life insurance is for.”

“Not to flourish the lives of our exs from over half a decade ago.”

“Were they on your life insurance policy still?”- Gengar_IRL


“You’ve been in no contact for the last 6 years, you didn’t even know he has cancer.”

“He has a new life, without you, and it is obvious to any sane person that he simply forgot.”

“Legally you are probably entitled to get that money, but morally you are a greedy a**hole using an unexpected opportunity.”

“Not everything what is legal is right.”- DevaOni


“You rarely get promoted with work insurance to update details and most of us just forget we even nominated someone in the first place.”

“You haven’t spoken to him, there’s no hidden meaning in him leaving it to you- it’s clearly an oversight.”

“You say you’re guilt free – you aren’t because you asked the question here – presumably to assuage your conscience.”

“Sorry but the very fact that you are asking means you know you’re wrong and that it’s not what was intended.”

“I may be in a minority – time will tell – but you know in your heart that it’s wrong, you want the validation.”

“Of strangers, and I would personally try to do what your own conscience is telling you.”

“If you genuinely believe it’s ok – and only you know him here – then that’s up to you.”

“We both know you don’t, though.”- Coast-Prestigious


“You know the only reason you’re receiving a payout is due to a mistake/oversight, when there are obviously people in his life that would and SHOULD receive it.”

“You’ll justify it however you can, but YTA.”- PieknaFatso


“This money was not intended for his ex from 6 years ago.”

“The mom is also AH but in the end you should do the right thing and give it to his mom.”- camkats


“You haven’t spoken to this person in 6 years (you didn’t even know that he A) had cancer and B) died from cancer.”

“Then all of a sudden you get a call saying that he’s passed and there’s money from an insurance policy coming to you.”

“Decline the money.”

“I’m willing to bet that the family is going to need those funds for his funeral and any other costs that come with end of life affairs.”

“All you see is free money.”

“If you take this money, you will never have a clean conscience.”

“Of course it was a mistake that the majority of people out there in the real world would be able to identify.”

“He put you on the policy, time passed, you broke up, he didn’t go back and change the policy.”

“To think that he was still thinking about you after such a long time and after so much has passed (he was in a new long term relationship) that you still think that you deserve money that has a purpose to his family.”

“If you take the money, you will never have a clean conscience.”- slap-a-frap


“You know he didn’t leave you that money.”

“Why would he?”

“More likely it slipped his mind and never changed his policy.”- jj_blunt

“No contact in 6 years and he didn’t tell you he was dying?”

“YTA girl and you know it!”

“Give his family the money. They are suffering enough.”- Cakedoutmynut

“You know, his family and others will figure this out, it can really impact your personal and professional life (i.e., FaceBook, LinkedIn)- I’ve seen people lose their careers, family, and life over this type of stuff!”

“I would tread very carefully – who knows if they are on Reddit too!”

“Also, the law enforcement can get involved if they catch this type of activity and suspect fraudulent behavior – something to think about.”

“Come on.”

“You know the answer here.”

“YTA – big a**hole if you do this.”

“It’s not right, and deep down you know it.”

“You know people are negligent about updating their insurance beneficiaries with their employers and you know he just never changed it after you broke up.”

“And maybe your ex was a careless person but now he’s dead and you’ve indicated you don’t have any ill feeling about him so I wouldn’t think you would be looking for revenge here right?”

“Please do the right thing.”

“Maybe his mom is a b8tch but gosh you’ve split up with him 6 years ago and he’s clearly moved on, she’s still more entitled to the money than you, sorry.”

“For the elimination of any doubt, he didn’t mean for you to have the money.”

“The fact that you see it as a gift and this your reaction to his death is a clear sign.”

“People receiving life insurance money are heartbroken.”

“I’m sorry for what you are going through with the fire and everything but it is not your place to take it out on him and his family, and you aren’t doing this right.”

“What would be better would be to sign over the check and then honestly ask for help.”

“Karma is a b*tch.”

“It doesn’t impact everyone, someone people get away with it in life, but it does impact some people and you’ve had some bad luck.”

“Think about that.”

“I had a family member pass away suddenly some years ago, and you know what, they didn’t have a will, and as a result, it screwed up a lot and caused a ton of stress with allocating their assets, stress my parents honestly didn’t want to deal with and shouldn’t have had to go through.”

“His mom just lost her son in an incredibly tragic way.”

“Unless you have another reason for saying she’s a bully, this is not bullying.”

“My MIL of over 10 years is awful to me and still, I wouldn’t even dream of this, and I don’t even consider myself a very good person morally.”

“She is grieving, maybe financially strapped too (you may not be the only one), and she probably can’t imagine an ex from 6 years ago cashing in on her son’s death.”

“God, please do the right thing here.”

“You are a huge a**hole if you accept this payment.”

“I hope you do the right thing.”- CandidIndependent718

We often think we have all the time in the world to get our will and various estate documents in order to keep those closest to us protected and looked after.

But life is unpredictable, and some people quite suddenly and unexpectedly find themselves without the time or ability to do so.

This tragically seems to be the case with the OP’s ex-boyfriend, which hopefully the OP will come to accept before she causes his family any more pain and suffering.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.