It can be sad when an act of generosity goes unappreciated.
Namely, when someone does something which they think will greatly help or benefit another person, only to have them react with indifference or even resentment.
Ignoring the fact that someone went out of their way to help them and do them a favor.
The brother of Redditor PaintingWithBlood had a special connection to her place of work and decided to help them out by making an arrangement with his own current workplace.
While his gesture was for the most part greatly appreciated, there was one person who was anything but grateful, and even went so far to complain to the original poster (OP) about her brother’s offering.
A complaint the OP took with a massive grain of salt.
Wondering if she was being insensitive, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to buy a different meal for a client at the shelter I work at?”
The OP explained why they were unwilling to cater to the demands of a resident of her current workplace.
“I work at a sober living facility.”
“There are about twelve people living there right now.”
“The house charges rent to live there, but offers a sober environment for people recovering.”
“I am not a therapist or social worker.”
“I am there to supervise and drive people with DUIs to appointments.”
“We have a company car.”
“I am told by my boss not to offer to buy people things.”
“They have jobs.”
“The house provides staples like shampoo and other items.”
“I do not spend a dime of my pay on people living here.”
“My brother went to the same facility a few years back.”
“He said it changed his life.”
“So he has offered to provide wings and pizza for everyone once a month.”
“He works at a pizza parlor so this is something he worked out with his boss, who was his sponsor in AA.”
“We recently got a new client, Alberta (34 F[emale]), who hates pizza.”
“She got upset that I brought pizza + wings and nothing else.”
“She asked if my brother would provide another type of food.”
“She wants me to bring her something else on the night the pizza is there.”
“I told her this was not happening.”
“She approached me another time.”
“She said she feels like I hate her because I won’t change the meal provided during our movie night.”
“Alberta: It is not fair to feed [the clients] and not me.”
“Me: That is not happening. This is an offered treat. You work, you can order yourself something else.”
“Alberta: I feel left out.”
“Me: The offer is free pizza. If you don’t like pizza, then you don’t like pizza. Don’t ask me again to buy you food.”
“Alberta: It makes me feel like no one wants me around.”
“Me: When you have a bad attitude, most people don’t want you around.”
“Alberta: You can’t talk to me like that.”
“Me: Don’t ask about the pizza again. It is what it is and you cannot decide what is donated or not.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to get Alberta a different meal to the pizza and wings her brother provided.
Everyone agreed that since the pizza and wings were a donation by the OP’s brother to the shelter, it was beyond unreasonable for Alberta to demand the OP get her something else.
The OP was under no obligation to do so, even if a few felt she could have handled it a bit more delicately.
“This is a free service your brother is offering.”
“She is a person in need of recovery and support, nothing else besides the basics (food, clothing, bed, etc.).”
“If she’s not comfortable with the free meal your brother is giving then she can eat the meal the shelter is offering.”
“It’s not yours or your brother’s obligation to pay for a separate meal.”- SmokinGus
“You were told clearly by your boss to not buy them things.”
“You’re following the rules.”
“This person is acting as if they are entitled to the meal rather than it being a gift.”-allthekittensnuggles
“NTA, your brother is providing FREE pizza.”
“I get if you don’t like pizza, but she should not be making it such a big problem.”
“She can go and find something else to eat or go out and get something for herself.”
“I’m sure if your brother stopped providing it altogether because of her, the other people in the house would be upset at her.”
“This is not something for her to be complaining about.”
“It’s free, take it or leave it.”- ladymorana13
“NTA, people keep focusing on you calling her out for a bad attitude, but she’s an adult, so it’s not like this was a 4yo who isn’t fully aware that their actions/attitude affect whether or not people will want to be friends with them.”
“Plus correct me if I’m wrong but don’t many sober living facilities focus on being honest with clients rather than sugarcoating things to them?”
“Again, she’s an adult and should be able to handle someone calling her out on her attitude, especially if everyone agrees she has a bad one. That doesn’t mean she’s being targeted; it just means she needs an attitude change if she wants people to actually like her and include her more.”- _passion__tea
“NTA … pizza is what’s offered.”
“When she’s on ‘the other side’ she can contribute to future tenants whatever she wishes.”- Abject-Idea-7804
“Your brother is awesome.”
“NTA, the food is a donation. It’s like going to a pantry and demanding a different type of food than what is being given out.”
“You could have been nicer about it, but the point was made.”
“Tell one of the supervisors about her complaint and let them deal with it.”- DontAskMeChit
“She doesn’t care that everyone else enjoys the pizza & wings, & asking for something different sounds like entitlement or else trying to ruin their pizza night because she feels left out.”
“As you said, people are usually left out because of their attitude & being unpleasant for others to be around.”
“Hopefully she hears what you’ve told her & makes changes, cuz I don’t really think it’s about the pizza.”
“Some people just don’t like others to be happy.”- BellaSquared
“It’s probably not even about the pizza.”
“She’s testing you to see if you play by the rules or not.”
“Say you change it and get her something else. Then she might in the future see what else you might do for her, such as sneaking items for her Etc.”
“I’m only saying this is a possibility because I know people who have done things like this. I’m not saying 100% that’s what she’s doing, but it is a high possibility.”
“As for what you said about her attitude or the attitude you had towards her because she kept bugging you about it, it happens people get frustrated and get short.”
“It is what it is.”- wickedlyzenful
“NTA, but work on your Teflon skills.”
“I’ don’t like this meal.’”
“’Oh, that’s too bad.'”
“‘This is just what is donated. We aren’t given other options’.”
“’This makes me feel like no one likes me.'”
“’Does it? Why’s that?’”
“Stop trying to explain or change her mind. Just be kindly sympathetic but unmovable.”-OneOfManyAnts
“Alberta’s trying to negotiate new rules when you’ve already told her the deal: pizza/wings or get your own meal.”
“Like your boss said, she’s an adult who can buy her own dinner.’
“Stick to what you’ve said- she’ll figure out how things go soon enough.”- Runns_withScissors
“She is not the center of the universe.”
“People are not going to cater to her preferences.”
“Accepting that might help her get her life back on track.”
“But she has to do that for herself.”- Suchafatfatcat
“As an adult, she should know that when someone offers you free food, the only proper response is gratitude, even if you don’t like what they’re serving.”- whalehello_
“As someone who deals with addicts – I find quite a few are always arguing and justifying why they’re right.”
“You were right to set a firm boundary and tell her to pound salt.”- nottodayoilyjosh
It would be one thing if this were the only meal on offer, and the OP was denying Alberta an alternative.
That would rightfully be considered abuse.
But, since this is something the OP’s brother is offering purely out of the kindness of his heart, which they are not in any way obligated to eat, one can’t help but feel that Alberta is being more than a little entitled by the way she behaved.
Especially considering the meals are not one of the things the facility provides to its residents.