Birthdays have a different meaning to everyone, particularly the older they get.
For some people, it’s just like any other day, and they’d prefer to just let it pass, while others always take advantage of being the center of attention on a day celebrating them.
Even those who claim they don’t want any sort of “to do,” however, still probably hope for the tiniest bit of recognition from friends or family.
Redditor ExpressionPlane6678 was a little disappointed that her husband didn’t make any sort of fuss when it came to her birthday.
Particularly as she had previously gone out of her way to make him feel special on his birthday.
So, when his next birthday arrived, the original poster (OP) decided upon what she felt was a more than fair solution when it came to his present.
A solution that only infuriated her husband.
Wondering if she was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA? Not doing anything for husband’s birthday.”
The OP shared her shock at her husband’s expectations when it came to his birthday, particularly after he did nothing for her own.
“Married three years, together 15.”
“One child.”
“I’ve always been big on doing nice things for my husband’s birthday.”
“One year was 1000 dollar golf clubs, a mini surprise party, decorate the house with 200 balloons, big expensive steak dinners.”
“I use to have to save a lot to do it, but seeing him happy like that was worth it.”
“Fast forward to my birthday last year: I was one month postpartum.”
“I had an emergency C-section and was recovering.”
“I had brought up causally for my birthday I would have liked something of my daughter, either a card or her birthstone.”
“A card with her little handprint would have been cute.”
“He looked at me and said, don’t expect a thing this year. I have no money.”
“I was shocked because he, in fact, has money and just spent $2,000 on a bachelor party.”
“But – again, I wasn’t expecting much.”
“I didn’t make a big deal.”
“My family, however, were pissed.”
“My sister had asked him to spilt something with her for me, and he said no.”
“No explanation, just no.”
“So she came over with family and decorated the house for me.”
“In the end, because he saw how upset my family was for how he was acting towards me (more than just birthday stuff), he gave me a gift card he knew I couldn’t use… whatever.”
“Anyway, fast forward to now.”
“A lot more tension between us.”
“He again told me not to expect Mother’s Day gifts/ that he has to pay his credit card, and I just nodded my head.”
“BUT That’s when he said, “so what are we doing for my birthday?”
“I was shocked but instinctively said, ‘don’t expect anything; I have no money.'”
“He looked at me like I crushed his soul and was like, wow, really.”
“I’m like, I’m on mat leave; where would I have money for you?”
“Now, he’s stomping his feet saying that ‘I do nothing for him.’”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not doing anything to celebrate her husband’s birthday.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s husband clearly didn’t have any respect for her, so he wasn’t worthy of any sort of celebration, with many urging the OP to seriously consider whether staying in this marriage was a good idea.
“NTA.”
“Why are you married to this man?”
“He has no respect for you.”- jrm1102
“When he tells you that he doesn’t have money, he’s actually saying that he doesn’t have money for things that are unimportant to him, like you.”
“You need to seriously consider whether this relationship is healthy for you or your daughter.”
“NTA.”- Material-Profit5923
“NTA.”
“You can get a card for like a dollar.”
“Finger paints to do a handprint on that card are not expensive.”
“So he should know if you all are so broke that he can’t spend five dollars on you, then it would be irresponsible of you to spend $1000 on him.”
“It’s fascinating that some people seem shocked and hurt when their own behavior gets reciprocated back at them.”
“Seems a little narcissistic, maybe?”- SilverTooth47
“OP, this is an abusive relationship.”
“This is absolutely not ok.”- Far_Opening2859
“NTA.”
“This marriage is over.”
“There is clearly nothing here.”
“He is super selfish and self-absorbed.”- completedett
“NTA.”
“Why are you with this jerk!”
“Couldn’t even get you a bday card after you gave birth.”
“Your own family tells you he is a jerk.”
“You’re a YTA to yourself if you stay and put up with his immature, selfish ways.”
“You want your kid to have someone to look up to, and he is not a role model.”
“Seriously, go live with your family who actually care about you.”- AvailableMuffin4767
“NTA.”
“Your husband is a major AH.”
“He seems self-centered, selfish, and frankly treating you very badly.”
“I question whether he has any redeeming qualities because he sounds like a spoiled brat.”
“I hope, for your sake, he does have some redeeming qualities, which we can’t see reading your post.”
“One wonders what the attraction is for you?”- PilotEnvironmental46
“NTA.”
“He Sounds like a narcissist.”
“They ruin holidays and birthdays where they are not the center of attention BUT expect everyone to make a big deal on their Birthday.”
“If you are truly even questioning if you are TA in this situation (rather than hopefully gaining comments to show your husband what a jerk he is) then you are likely a victim of his gaslighting.”
“You are experiencing cognitive dissonance, a lack of self-esteem, and an inability to think rationally for yourself due to his control.”
“I’m sorry you have to experience any of this at a time you should be supported and enjoying your new baby.”- tothmichke
“NTA.”
“This man is acting like a child.”
“And not at all showing up as a partner for you.”
“Is this what he’s always been like?”
“Or has something changed – you might need to sit down together and figure out what’s happening.”- SlothLordMcMarekat
“NTA.”
“He waited until your family got annoyed and shamed him for doing nothing until deciding to get you a last-minute present.”
“Especially considering the effort you’ve gone to for him previously.”
“He seems to think these grand gestures are a one-way thing.”- danielroxheaps
“NTA.”
“I’m glad you said you’re not doing anything for his birthday because I would’ve done the same thing.”
“All you’re doing is matching his energy.”- spicyhooligan
“NTA.”
“So right after telling you not to expect gifts for Mother’s Day, he wanted to know what he was getting for his birthday?”
“He’s cheap, not very smart, and acts like a kid.”
“Is he insanely handsome?”
“Other than that, I don’t see why someone would want to marry such a gem?”
“As a birthday gift, you can put in a nice envelope the useless gift card he gave you.”
“Any way you may want to have a plan B in case things get worse after that day.”
“Do you have a place to stay with your baby?”- More-Top6479
“NTA!”
“This is not about money and not being able to afford to do nice things for you.”
“This is about him being an abusive, narcissistic a**hole.”
“I don’t usually say leave him based on Reddit posts, but leave him.”
“Your daughter will grow up seeing how he treats you and will learn that’s ok…it isn’t.”
“I hope you have the courage to leave him. It sounds like your family would be a good support system.”- Awkward-Arugula-3173
“NTA, how difficult could it possibly be to get a card with an infant’s handprint?”
“He couldn’t do the bare minimum for you and continues not to be able to do the bare minimum for you but expects you to continue going over the top for him.”
“He needs a reality check.”
“OP, you need to get out.”
“I’m not trying to berate you for not getting out before now. I’m genuinely concerned.”
“Are you near any family you could take your daughter to?”
“Or a good friend?”
“Your husband is financially abusing you at a bare minimum.”- author124
“Hey.”
“I’ve read your comment history.”
“I don’t say this lightly, but I don’t think he’s the right partner for you.”
“You deserve love and respect and affection, and I promise, it’s out there for you.”
“NTA.”
“Big hugs.”- jewoughtaknow
The OP later returned with an update, revealing that she had seriously taken the advice of the Reddit community into account.
“UPDATE: speaking with a lawyer.”
The OP didn’t ask to be showered with lavish presents or taken on an expensive vacation.
All she wanted was a little recognition and a sweet token of their baby together. A cheap one at that.
But the OP’s husband refused this, yet still expected to be celebrated himself.
If the end of his marriage isn’t enough to get the OP’s husband to reflect upon her behavior, it’s hard to imagine what is.