We all have preferences in our relationships. From a person’s height to hair color to personality, there are some characteristics we’re naturally more drawn to.
But we shouldn’t hold something that naturally happens against the person we love, like growing body hair, pointed out the users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Leggingsarepants1234 had always felt supported and comforted by her husband, but one night, he surprised her by saying that she was unattractive when she didn’t shave her legs in the winter.
When he refused to apologize for what he said, the Original Poster (OP) went on a bedroom strike.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for being upset with my husband for asking me to shave?
The OP had not shaved in a while because of the weather.
“My husband and I live in the north, it is winter, and I have not shaved my legs in probably about a month due to seasonal depression and not needing to wear shorts in this weather.”
“My nails are always done, my hair is always fixed, my makeup is always on, and my clothes are always clean and styled. I also exercise five days per week and make home-cooked meals every night. The only thing I’m ‘behind’ on is shaving my legs, just because it’s wintertime.”
“My husband has never said anything about this in the past.”
The OP’s husband had a surprising reaction to seeing her unshaven legs.
“We’ve been together through ten years and two kids. He absolutely did all the supportive things for me while pregnant and postpartum and watched our kids be born, which made what happened recently feel so out of left field for him.”
“My husband came to bed and saw me lying with one leg out of the covers and commented on my leg hair.”
“He then asked if we were supposed to have sex after seeing my leg like that.”
“I told him I could go shave but it would take a while and I’m already in bed so I really didn’t want to.”
The OP tried to talk to her husband about this, but it made everything worse.
“He just told me again how unattractive and manly it is to have hair on my legs.”
“I don’t prefer body hair, but I’ve never asked him to shave it because I love him, the person, and I’m attracted to him, the person, regardless of how much body hair he has.”
“He just looked p**sed like he didn’t think it was the same thing. What the h**l?”
“I told him to forget it and that we’re not having sex again until he understands what upset me and apologizes for being so rude. Am I supposed to want to have sex with someone who treated me so badly and made me feel ashamed of my body?”
“Am I in the wrong here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some confided to the OP that they also didn’t shave as much in the wintertime.
“If women were supposed to be smooth, we wouldn’t grow hair. It’s the winter. I rarely shave my legs in the winter. My husband never says anything.” – AbsurdDaisy
“It’s negative-12 degrees here with negative-50 windchill. I need my leg hair to keep me warm! My hubby doesn’t care and still wants to have sex with me every chance he gets!” – holybucketsitscrazy
“I like the feeling of being smooth, but in the winter, that becomes a maybe once or twice a month thing.”
“My husband has never said anything to me about it, and our sex life has not suffered.”
“When I was pregnant, he offered to shave me, lol (laughing out loud), but just to reiterate, that was because I like being smooth and he wanted to make the mother of his child happy and comfortable.” – viamatherd
“Wait. Women are supposed to shave their legs in the winter? Meanwhile, your husband gets to strut around in all his hairy wonder?”
“If we’re going to complain about body hair in the wintertime, let’s focus on the hair that’s often visible, like FACIAL HAIR that men often don’t shave in the winter (to keep their faces and necks warm), hair that they let grow out longer than usual (to keep their heads warm), and arm hair, which naturally gets thicker in the winter (again, for warmth).”
“I won’t mention the chest and the legs, because they usually aren’t visible under the warm clothes.”
“Women want to be warm, too. And unless they’re going out in see-through tights and short skirts all the time, none of their hair is going to be visible.”
“If you have to shave to be sexy and to get him in the mood now, so does he.”
“Definitely NTA.” – littlemonstersmama
“Nothing could stop my husband. I could be covered in yeti fur and he’d be into it. Because you know, it’s just hair and he loves me.” – littlescreechyowl
Others agreed and pointed out they would love their partner, hairy or not.
“I love my wife when she shaves her legs, I love my wife when it’s been a few months since she shaved, I love my wife when it’s been a day and it’s the prickles, I love my wife when she missed that little spot by her knee because she always knicks it and has thusly given up…”
“I think I might just love my wife? NTA.” – makemebad48
“It’s so wild to hear about men having a problem with leg hair. When I was first dating my partner, we went hiking, which we both love, and he noticed I shaved my legs and said, ‘If you let your leg hair grow out, you’ll have a better chance to feel ticks and leeches climbing up your legs.'”
“I stopped shaving them after that and it’s never been an issue for him.” – Lazy_Adeptness_9076
“Meanwhile, my boyfriend rubs my hairy legs. One day, one of his friends saw them and said I needed to shave my legs for my man.”
“Immediately, my boyfriend shot in with, ‘Why the f**k would I care if there’s hair on her legs? I’ll rub her hairy legs all night.’ He shut that dude DOWN.” – SecretOscarOG
“My daughter had a boyfriend who had a foot-in-mouth problem. One particularly chilly winter day, my daughter’s then-boyfriend noticed she had leg fur.”
“A normal person might have thought twice before deciding to bring it up as a conversation piece during dinner. But no, not this bright spark. He not only brought it up across the table, but he laughed with a fork full of food in his gob. Him being the only one laughing made it even more awkward for him.”
“My daughter has never been one to hesitate when matching someone’s sarcasm or wit when aimed at her. So, she waited until he was quiet, looked him in the eye, and said, ‘If you don’t like body hair, go f**k a dolphin.'”
“Then she promptly stood up, said, ‘I’m full and you’re out.’ She ended it with her boyfriend right then and went to run a bath. She’s crazy; I love her.” – Pretty_Recover_2977
Some pointed out other parts of the husband’s argument that left them cringing.
“‘He just looked p**sed like he didn’t think it was the same thing.’ What do you MEAN it’s not the same thing? Men have body hair too, lol (laughing out loud).”
“It sounds like he expects u to always be perfectly groomed but doesn’t hold himself to the same standard, which is so messed up. Like, if he doesn’t like it, he can f**k off honestly.” – Forestdusk
“‘He then asked if we were supposed to have sex after seeing my leg like that.’ No, a**hole, you’re supposed to make her WANT sex. But if you’re using ‘supposed to’ as an expectation, go ahead and toss that s**t right out the window.”
“OP, you’re NTA. But your hubby is something else.” – OkHedgewitch
“NTA. It’s not about your leg hair; it’s about how he approached the situation.”
“If he can’t respect you as you are, that’s a huge red flag. Sex shouldn’t be an obligation; it should be about connection and desire and JOY, not ‘expectations.'”
“Definitely NTA here, your husband needs a lesson in respect.” – Lexiebaby69
“My boyfriend tells me he doesn’t mind because he wants to still get laid, lol (laughing out loud). Like, cmon, we have a preference, but we’re all adults here and adults have hair. Grow up, OP’s husband.” – Mental-Diamond-7039
“The whole ‘supposed to’ thing is a major red flag. It’s like he thinks he’s entitled to intimacy based on his preferences, instead of fostering mutual respect and desire.”
“NTA, OP. If he’s not showing the same understanding and acceptance, he needs a wake-up call.” – miaasparkles
“I’m very confused and it’s not the first time today. If it’s manly to have leg hair, why does hair grow on women’s legs?”
“I want to recommend buying him a biology book but it’s possible that he may be unable to open it the right way up. So instead, I would like to suggest that you google ‘hair follicles’ and send him the results.”
“Then make a couples appointment at your local waxing salon. You can get your legs done and he can get the back, sack, and crack treatment.”
“I can guarantee two things.”
“His voice will forget that it broke over a decade ago and he will be singing two octaves higher than he currently does after his treatment. And he will never mention your leg hair again.”
“Hope this helps. NTA.” – chez2202
The subReddit was disgusted by how the OP’s husband treated her and expected her to look a certain way just to interest him.
The OP wasn’t “manly” for naturally growing body hair, and her husband wasn’t being “manly” by criticizing her, either.