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Parent Called ‘Petty’ For Paying Nanny Extra Not To Work For Conniving SIL Who Tried To Poach Her

A young woman handing a toddler a toy.
Manu Vega/Getty Images

We’ve all done something behind someone’s back once or twice in our lives.

Even if the nature of doing so isn’t always duplicitous or spiteful, we do so in the hopes that someone, or sometimes many people don’t catch wind of what we’re doing.

As a result, when these people find out through a third or fourth party, their feelings tend to be more than a little hurt, no matter the circumstance.

In extreme cases, they might even feel the need to retaliate.

The sister-in-law (SIL) of Redditor aitanannyraise was quite jealous of someone they had as an employee.

So jealous, in fact, that the original poster (OP)’s SIL went behind their back in hopes of poaching this employee.

Upon learning this, the OP did what they felt was the only fair solution to keep their employee working for her.

An action which the OP’s husband felt was “petty”.

Worried that this might have been the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for offering my kids nanny more money/hours so she won’t work for my SIL?”

The OP explained why they found themself going “an eye for an eye” with her SIL:

“My husband and I have 3 kids (10 months F[emale], 4 M[ale], 10 F[emale]).”

“We currently have a nanny, Isabelle (22 F) 3 days a week.”

“I have to say, Isabelle is f*cking amazing.”

“She drives on field trips, she does homework with the kids, she handles play dates, she’s the one adult my 10 year old likes, she’s not dependent on screens, does art projects with the kids, she speaks 10 year old, and she’s even teaching them how to cook and bake.”

“They made mini quiches a few weeks ago.”

“My oldest is doing state testing right now and wanted a fun activity with her friends.”

“Isabelle suggested a spa day, and my daughter loved it.”

“I set up a day for my 4-year-old to go home with his grandparents and let Isabelle turn our living room into a spa.”

“She picked up my daughter, my niece, and 2 friends, brought them to our house, and did their hair and nails while they laid back and did face masks.”

“I guess my niece was telling her mom how cool Isabelle is because my SIL texted Isabelle offering her a nanny position 4 days a week, matching whatever I pay her but for only 1 kid.”

“Isabelle showed me the text and told me that she will have to think about it because the extra money would be nice.”

“I told her if she promised to stay, next year I’d have her at 5 days a week with a $5 per hour raise.”

“Isabelle turned my SIL down saying she had received a better offer and now she’s telling my husband’s family that I stole a nanny from her.”

“They’re upset that I outbid my SIL and gave Isabelle extra money and hours just so my SIL wouldn’t get her.”

“My husband said it was petty.”

“AITA for offering Isabelle a raise and more hours so she doesn’t work for my SIL?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for giving Isabelle a raise so she wouldn’t leave them to work for their SIL.

Everyone agreed that if anyone was being petty, it was the OP’s SIL who went behind their back to try to steal Isabelle away from their family. They were simply thinking of their family by giving Isabelle the raise she clearly deserved.

No, what’s petty about that?”

“Your SIL tried to steal your nanny out from under you, which was sneaky, and you outbid here in order to retain your nanny’s services.”

“It was up to your nanny, which was the better deal.”

“You like your nanny and are willing to pay for her services.”

“That’s just good sense, as long as you can afford it.”

“NTA.”- Regular_Boot_3540


“Every parent knows that a good babysitter or nanny is worth their weight in gold.”

“Your SIL is the AH for trying to poach your nanny, and you fighting to keep her should be expected.”

“It’s rich that your SIL is accusing you of stealing a nanny when she tried to do the exact same thing.”

 “Just make sure you follow through with the promised raise etc.”

“And if your husband has such an issue with it tell him he’s responsible next time you need a new nanny/sitter.”

“He can do all the interviewing and contacting references and background checks and negotiations for pay.”

“It’s not so easy as ‘find a new nanny’: your SIL knows this and tried to circumvent the process.”-LaurelCrash


“But make sure you’re paying her what she’s worth without her getting another offer, she should be given raises yearly and bonuses for going above and beyond.”

“She wasn’t wrong to consider a better offer, although it’s really sh*tty of SIL to try and poach your Nanny so she’s TA.”- Unique-Assumption619


“Your SIL tried to steal your nanny!”

“Your SIL could have come to you and the two of you could have approached Isabelle about caring for all four kids with you and SIL splitting Isabelle’s pay.”

“However, your SIL chose to attempt to poach your nanny, which is borderline unforgivable and now has the nerve to play the victim.”

“Your SIL is the petty one!”

“She can pound sand!”- Consistent-Leopard71

“What – your SiL is mad at you because you ‘stole’ your nanny back?!”

“She’s got some nerve that one.”

“NTA but your SIL is a piece of work.”- Conscious-Bar-1655


“So, your SIL tried to steal your nanny, unsuccessfully, and is now claiming you stole your own nanny?”

“The logic isn’t logicing, and anyone should be able to see through her story.”

“Curious why you want to wait to give her a raise though?”

“She’s clearly worth it, and she has said she can use the money.”- Level-Tangerine-8172


“If she’s that good though, pay her what she’s worth now.”- 81optimus


“Pretty sure SIL tried to steal YOUR nanny.”- LowBalance4404

“‘She’s telling my husband’s family I stole a nanny from her’.”

“You mean YOUR NANNY?”

“The one she was actively trying to steal from you?”

“NTA.”- Prize_Mode2709


“Your SIL sounds insufferable.”- MerryCatFancyThat


“This is pretty common tactic used by both an employee and employer when a good employee might go elsewhere.”

“She could’ve denied your counteroffer and went to work with your SIL.”

“Instead, she took you up on your counteroffer and decided to stick with you.”

“This is how it’s done in most of the corporate world, and how you get your desired pay increase.”

“This is how you get that bag!”- jammiesonmyhammies


“I am not understanding others issues.”

“She tried to steal you nanny.”

“So you improved your nanny’s current situation.”- KittyC217

“Wait. So no one in your family is outraged that your SIL tried to steal your nanny, you know the one who has been working for you apparently quite some time?”

“Tell them to all go pound sand.”- Tinkerpro

“I was going to say, maybe offer to have your niece come over a few afternoons and let Isabelle make some extra money and your kid would probably enjoy having a friend to play with.”

“But your rat of a SIL went behind your back to try to steal your Nanny?”

“This is a mommy on mommy crime of the highest order, and from your own SIL?”

“What a horrid person.”

“Trying to find someone to watch and trust with your kids is hard enough.”

“Finding someone you trust who your kids and you adore is like the ultimate mommy prize.”

“No one gets to steal her!”- th987

“She tried to poach your nanny not the other way around and now she’s bitter that it didn’t work.”

“She tried to put you in a bad situation of having to look for and interview new people while also wondering if they would get on with your kids instead of finding her own nanny.”

“She has cost you more money to retain the help you ALREADY HAVE.”

“She’s a sneaky a**hole and anyone who doesn’t see that is an a**hole too.”

“Complaining to others that her plans were thwarted makes her a prolapsed a**hole.”- Choice-Intention-926

It is a bit strange that the OP’s husband felt the need to call her “petty”, when it was their SIL who went behind their back to try to take Isabelle away from them.

Nor does the OP’s husband seem to realize how rare a find Isabelle is, who was probably due for a raise even if she wasn’t approached by the OP’s SIL.

Luckily, the OP’s husband won’t have to realize what loss Isabelle leaving them would have been, all thanks to their spouse, the OP, who did exactly what they had to to keep her.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.