There has been a lot said lately about obligation.
What are the responsibilities we have to each other? To society?
These are, of course, giant questions with complex answers.
What happens if the situation is much more specific? Where do our responsibilities lie when dealing with much more personal matters?
This was the situation facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) aitaandstayout when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for guidance.
In a now-deleted post, she asked:
“AITA not letting ex’s pregnant GF move in?”
She began with the background.
“I’m getting spammed and I just need to know if I’m in the wrong.”
“Background info: I (28 Female) own a house on my own.”
“Ex fiance ‘Mark’ (35 Male) never officially lived with me, although he did stay over often.”
“He traveled a lot for work and I broke off the engagement when I found out he’d had a 3 year long affair with “Sara” (19 Female) in another state where he worked.”
“I was heartbroken, but I was more horrified about that age difference and what a creep Mark is.”
“Whelp Sara’s pregnant.”
“Mark split as soon as he found out.”
“No trace of him.”
“Quit his job even.”
Sara sought help.
“Sara’s panicking and her family kicked her out. She showed up at my door last week hoping Mark might be here.”
“I told her I hadn’t seen him in a few months since he got the last of his crap from my place and she broke down crying.”
“Apparently she had no money and is living out of her car.”
“She’s 6 months pregnant and has no healthcare.”
“I feel for this girl.”
“Mark manipulated the hell out of both of us.”
Which OP provided.
“I set Sara up with a lawyer friend who’s helping her pro bono and I found a shelter that can house her for now.”
“I called Mark’s mom Linda (who I’m still on okish terms with) and told her what was going on.”
“Linda got me Mark’s new info and I gave it to the lawyer.”
Everything was fine, until…
“Sara showed up at my door again yesterday with her brother.”
“He demanded I let Sara live with me and pay her medical bills since I ‘let my man off his leash'(?).”
“I said hell no and closed the door.”
“They wouldn’t leave and I eventually called the police, who removed them from the property.”
“Now Sara her siblings are spamming me saying it’s my responsibility to help since Mark is my ex and I have a house all to myself.”
“I feel like I have helped and they just see dollar signs.”
“Linda says I should help Sara too because Mark was ultimately my responsibility and I didn’t satisfy him as a partner.”
“I feel like I’m going crazy.”
OP was left wondering,
“TLDR: cheating ex’s pregnant GF thinks she’s entitled to move into my house”
Having explained the situation, OP was left looking for guidance.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some responses were very direct.
“Ask all those “concerned” people why THEY aren’t taking care of her.”~Mysterious-Tea-7218
“Tell her siblings to spam THEIR PARENTS who kicked out their pregnant TEENAGER”~ladancer22
Others were more security-minded.
“You’re fine, but these people are crazy.”
“I’d invest in indoor and outdoor cameras if you don’t already have them, and a real security system might not hurt.”
“Better safe than sorry when it comes to being harassed by an entire family of unstable people who are blaming you for their problems.”~PreOpTransCentaur
Legal concerns were also shared.
“OP if you let her stay she will freeload off you and you won’t be able to get her out of your house forever.”
“I don’t know where you’re from but in the US if someone lives in a place for over 30 days they have a claim to stay there and are protected by tenant laws.”
“The 35-year-old man who got a teen pregnant and went MIA is responsible for her, not you.”
“Hers is a sad story but it’s likely she went to you because she knew already you had a house and a good income and was hoping to take advantage of that.”
“You should lawyer up too for your own protection.”
“Restraining orders and no contact orders, cease and desist letters, possibly harassment charges – keep everything documented, every time they visit make a note, date, and sign for your own protection.”
“His mom is a piece of work too, thinking that his infidelity is somehow your responsibility. It’s not.”
“Go to r/legaladvice and they may give you more specific advice as I’m not a lawyer. Good luck, post an update, and obviously NTA.”
“To add: I’m starting to think her parents put her up to this because they can’t afford to raise another child and saw you as a cash cow, put it in her head that somehow you owe her/them and sent her your way to deal with.”
“Think about it, how does she know where you live?”
“She found out somehow, she’s either been there before, or Mark or Linda told her that you have a house to yourself.”
“Either way, something is not right there.“~FullGrownHip
The antiquated mindset of Sara’s family was also judged.
“What kind of 1950s bullish!t is this? ‘Let him off his leash’ ‘didn’t satisfy him as a partner’???”
“Newsflash: he’s a cheating creep who got a child pregnant and then split.”
“You don’t owe her anything and still you HELPED!”
“You did a ton to help her and don’t have to take her in as if she were your child.”
“Maybe her siblings should be spamming THEIR PARENTS WHO KICKED THEIR PREGNANT TEENAGER OUT!”
It is, of course, important for us to honor our obligations.
The responsibilities that our lives have given us, the relationships that we wish to cultivate.
However, it is also important to recognize when something -or someone – is not our responsibility.
We hope that Sarah finds the help that she so clearly needs and that OP remembers that self-protection is also an obligation.