Timing, as they say, is everything.
Sometimes, when we get wonderful news or hear the funniest story that we just can’t wait to share with our friends and family, we find out they will not revel in this anecdote as we did.
Owing to the fact that they were just given much less celebratory news themselves.
Sometimes, we might learn earlier that our friends and family are going through a hard time and might consciously choose to wait to share our happier developments.
But sometimes our happy news is just too exciting to hold onto, resulting in our sharing it, knowing not everyone will be thrilled at what we have to say.
The sister-in-law (SIL) of Redditor EscapeTraditional598 was going through a hard time.
Leading the original poster (OP) and her husband to try and be there for her as best they could, even if it meant putting a hold on some of their important life plans. Eventually, the OP and her husband decided to proceed with these goals, which, to their delight, turned out exactly as they hoped they would.
Sadly, the OP’s sister was anything but excited at this news, even going so far as to say that the OP was being insensitive towards her.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for announcing my pregnancy to my family?”
The OP explained why her good news felt like a knife to the heart for her SIL:
“My sister-in-law (37 f[emale]) has been trying to get pregnant for almost three years now and has had a very rough and tough time trying to conceive.”
“It has always been a sensitive subject around the family, and my husband (29 M[ale]) and I (29 F) have held back from having our second child due to this reason.”
“We wanted to give her the chance to have a child before we tried for another one.”
“We always wanted to have our first child to be closer in age with their next sibling.”
“Our little one is turning 4 next year, and we said now is the time.”
“We tried and had a miscarriage.”
“A month after that, we are all happy to know we are pregnant again!”
“Overjoyed by news, I shared the news with the family.”
“SIL was upset about how I shared the news, and family was pretty in the middle.”
“Ultimately, I can’t share my pregnancy with anyone until after my first trimester so I don’t hurt SIL feelings.”
“A week after that happened, I shared a story on my social media of a funny skit of a pregnant woman wanting to eat healthy, but her pregnancy cravings are telling her to eat chocolate instead.”
“SIL was so upset and told everyone.”
“And that I wasn’t understanding her and how hard it has been for her.”
“At this point, I just don’t even want to be pregnant… so people could stop making me feel bad for even expressing any small thing about pregnancy.”
“I shared my good news through our family group chat that we use to communicate with each other.”
“And I also shared it with my overseas friends on my social media when the baby was due.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for sharing news of her pregnancy.
While everyone sympathized with the situation of the OP’s SIL, and some felt the OP maybe could have given her a small “heads up”, they otherwise agreed that that still didn’t mean the OP couldn’t celebrate her good news. Many agreed that if the OP did anything wrong, it was putting off trying to get pregnant herself till her SIL became pregnant:
“NTA.”
“SIL is being unreasonable.”
“While I understand why she is upset about her situation, she doesn’t get to declare a baby moratorium on everyone she is in contact with because of it.”
“Any third-party family members making OP feel upset about a planned pregnancy can go fudge themselves.”- ABeerAndABook
“NTA.”
“but you are TA to yourself for postponing a kid you wanted to have closer to the sibling.”
“I get that SIL’s situation is awful, and I know what it feels like to be jealous of something others have and you don’t.”
“However, as sad as it is, it shouldn’t be YOUR problem.”
“You are not pregnant AT her, and unless you gloat about it, you are doing nothing wrong.”
“It is up to your SIL to manage her feelings, she absolutely shouldn’t shift this responsibility onto you.”- Prangelina
“NTA.”
“Your sister’s loss and hardship are not the eggshells for you to walk on.”- AnonAnontheAnony
“Based on what you’ve shared NTA.”
“But holding back from your own family planning is weird.”
“It sounds like everyone is on pins and needles catering to SIL.”
“The fact that everyone is on the fence with you being an AH is also weird.”
“Congratulations on the new baby.”- houseonpost
“NTA.”
“As a woman who is infertile, I say this wholeheartedly.”
“Your pregnancy deserves to be celebrated.”
“Your pregnancy and baby don’t mean that she will never get a baby of her own.”
“You did it very respectfully in a text so that she could have her own feelings privately and not have to put on a show for everyone.”
“I won’t lie.”
“It hurts when other people would announce their pregnancies, but I can be thrilled for them and sad for me without being an a**hole.”
“Celebrate your baby everyday.”
“You deserve a joyful pregnancy.”
“Congratulations!”- dietcoke_slut
“NTA.”
“I wonder if you would have offended her no matter what you did regarding sharing your news.”
“She cannot expect people to run everything pregnancy related by her to ensure that she is ok with it because she really isn’t.”- MotherOfLochs
“NTA.”
“You aren’t responsible for her feelings. Honestly, you should have had kids in your timeframe, not worrying about her.”
“You are doing nothing wrong, and people need to stop tiptoeing around her.”
“Life goes on for others; is she like that with friends.’
“Congratulations, and now go and spread your news and be happy for your next bundle of joy to arrive and anyone who makes you feel like you are wrong, tell them then they have no place in your life until they can see they are wrong.”- Lunar-Eclipse0204
“NTA.”
“And actually, this opinion might make ME the AH, but I am so freaking tired of these stories about infertile women sucking the joy out of anyone else’s pregnancy.”
“The fact that you felt you had to put off a second kid when you wanted them to be close in age is ridiculous.”
“Yes being infertile when you wanted a kid really sucks & I feel for them but I feel like the lengths people go to appease them or allowing them to act like this because ‘well it’s hard for her’ has gone way too far.”
“Totally valid for them to be sad hearing of another pregnancy, but it’s inexcusable to make someone feel like they don’t even wanna be pregnant anymore because of the drama.”
“OP I’m really sorry you feel that way.”
“Ignore her & the rest of your family & focus on having a happy healthy pregnancy.”- Thick_Secretary3701
“NTA for announcing your pregnancy.”
“But maybe it could have helped to give SIL private heads up first?”
Not because you ‘have’ to, but perhaps being able to privately process might have lessened the…I don’t know, blow?”
“She could have been upset about that, too!”
“Just an idea, even I’m not 100% sure it would have helped.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong by sharing your good news or posting what you did.”
“She is obviously struggling, and of course, it is kind to be sensitive to that.’
“But her feelings of grief and loss (etc) don’t mean that no one else is ever allowed to feel joy and excitement about their own pregnancy.”
“Hopefully, she can learn to separate her pain from others’ life experiences because they just aren’t connected in a way that justifies her anger at you.”
“In a not-b*tchy way, maybe she shouldn’t be on social media if people mentioning pregnancy feels like a personal attack to her.”
“Like she can protect herself from those potential consequences feelings by not using SM right now.”
“Her pain is separate from your joy.”
“You didn’t cause what she is going through.”
“Sounds like she is deep in her grief (fair) and not able to see ‘reason’.”
“Also fair but not in the way that excuses crapping on your joy. I’m just saying I get that it hurts for her.”
“Hopefully she will see things differently once she has time to process all this.”
“Congratulations to you, though!”- StrategyDouble4177
It would be one thing if the OP deliberately got pregnant just to hurt her SIL.
However, it would take a very special kind of person indeed to bring a child into this world expressly to cause harm to another.
And seeing as the OP actually waited to have a second child in consideration of her SIL, it is abundantly clear that she is not that type of person.