If we know someone quite well, it can be easy, not to mention tempting, to tease them with their known triggers.
Even if no one particularly enjoys being teased, it’s easy enough for them to laugh along, knowing it’s not out of malice, but coming from a place of love.
This is, of course, a very slippery slope, as it doesn’t take a lot for a joke to go too far, and become no laughing matter.
Particularly if it goes from mocking someone’s trigger points, to full on attacking them.
Redditor asknat770 was diagnosed with a condition as a child that her family seemed to be understanding of.
However, a family member that lived with the original poster (OP) recently pushed her condition to its absolute boundaries.
Resulting in a tense exchange of words between the OP and this live-in family member.
Wondering if she might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling a family member off for purposely triggering my OCD?”
The OP explained how a family member she lived with inexcusably crossed a line:
“Hello I am 23 F[emale] and I had a disagreement with a family member 60 M[ale] over an incident.”
“I am living with them and overall we have a very good and supportive relationship, but something that happened today really upset me.”
“I was diagnosed with OCD as a child and have been in therapy/on medication for it since.”
“It’s something I’ve spent a lot of time working on and I’m very proud of the progress I have made.”
“My OCD is about contamination/germs.”
“My FM has known about my diagnosis since I got it and I have spent a lot of time talking to him about it.”
“I even bought a book about living with someone with OCD as I know it can be difficult.”
“He has been a huge supporter of my recovery even though he doesn’t fully understand it.”
“However, today as I was making coffee I saw that he came out of the bathroom without washing his hands.”
“I playfully gave him a hard time and encouraged him to wash his hands.”
“He did and we both joked about it and it felt like it ended fine.”
“Later, when I was making lunch he came out of the bathroom again without washing his hands.”
“I could hear him approaching me and I asked if he washed his hands.”
“He laughed and said no before wiping his hands on the sides of my sweatshirt and pants.”
“I was so shocked I ran out of the room to go change.”
“After, I came back down and said that I thought it was a mean thing to do and that it was very upsetting and that not washing your hands after using the restroom is inconsiderate as well as an immature habit to have at his age.”
“He begrudgingly apologized, but acted like I was lecturing him for no reason.”
“To be clear, I never raised my voice- I was definitely a bit stern but I felt it was necessary.”
“While I don’t expect him to keep track of all my triggers I feel like that is something that would upset anyone- OCD or no OCD.”
“Especially within hours of our first conversation about the importance of washing hands after using the restroom.”
“AITA for lecturing him about doing something he knew would be upsetting?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling off her family member.
Everyone agreed that, OCD or not, what the OP’s family member did was rude, unhygienic, and invasive, and he absolutely deserved to be called out for his behavior.
“NTA.”
“That is just disgusting.”
“I do not have OCD.”
“But I will send you back to wash your hands if you leave the bathroom without washing.”
“I don’t care who you are, or how old you are.”- Fickle_Toe1724
“NTA.”
“A lot of the people in these comments are revealing themselves as nasty germ-spreaders.”
“I have OCD, not contamination OCD, but I still understand what that must have felt like for you.”
“And it is your business if he washes his hands after using the bathroom.”
“He’s touching shared things and could get you sick.”
“Did we not learn this as children?”
“Whether you have OCD or not, people not washing their hands after coming out of the bathroom should bother you.”
“It’s disgusting.”
“Especially if you immediately go touching things in the kitchen.”
“This is why I don’t eat other people’s food.”- Melodic-Maize-7125
“NTA.”
“I don’t have OCD but I would have freaked out and definitely reacted much more strongly than you did.”- Numerous-Dimension76
“NTA.”
“OCD or not he’s just gross.”- Rabbid0Luigi
“NTA this is nothing to do with OCD you realize.”
“This is rude and gross to everyone.”- Equivalent-Ad5449
“NTA, at all.”
“That’s pretty disgusting in general not to even use hand sanitizer if you don’t wash your hands.”
“Even more disgusting to purposely rub his hands on you.”
“Also, I feel like the people saying YTA are the type of people who don’t wash up after using the bathroom. Same with the people telling you to move out.”- Intelligent_Menu8004
“NTA.”
“Not washing hands after using the bathroom is disgusting even to people who don’t have OCD.”- Purple_Paper_Bag
“NTA.”
“That is gross to most people who know how to adult.”
“But I have to wonder whether or not he’s that supportive or if he actually wants you living there if he’s behaving that way.”- C_Majuscula
“These comments are… disturbing.”
“Wash your hands people.”
“NTA.”- FalconAlternative282
“NTA.”
“But he is keeping track of your triggers, because otherwise he wouldn’t have wiped his hands on your clothes.”- onitshaanambra
“NTA.”
“I don’t have OCD, but using a toilet without washing your hands afterwards is simply disgusting.”
“Good on you for calling them out.”- hollyjazzy
“I don’t have OCD and that would absolutely gross me out.”
“NTA.”
“That’s literally so rude.”- picklepowerPB
“NTA.”
“Fellow ocd contamination sufferer.”
“I recently found out my partner does not always wash their hands after the bathroom.”
“But this was not the bombshell either- apparently when we were first together for maybe like the first two years they BLEW THEIR NOSE INTO OUR HAND TOWELS.”
“It was horrifying to think I used that on my face some times.”
“I’m sure the pandemic has made things harder for you as it has for me.”- Deanwinchester7
“NTA.”
“That behavior is gross in any context.”- SensitiveDrink5721
“Yuck NTA.”
“The OCD is completely irrelevant here, wiping your unwashed hands on someone is absolutely disgusting and offensive.”
“While I’m certain you understand that we cannot control/force others to do things the way we want them to, your FM was out of line.”
“I don’t think expecting people to wash their hands after using the toilet is particularly out of line to be honest.”
“It’s a very common hygiene standard.”- ProfessionalGrade423
“NTA.”
“He is a grown man that knows better.”
“He literally is doing it on purpose.”- sparkiemas
“NTA.”
“I also have contamination OCD.”
“I can’t imagine a family member doing this to me when they know how hard I struggle with it.”
“While you shouldn’t be policing others habits, not washing your hands after using the bathroom is disgusting.”
“Even people without OCD are grossed out by that.”
“Wiping his hands on you is unacceptable.”
“He should never touch someone without their consent, even if he’s family.”
“It sounds like you handled it fairly well, considering how big of a trigger that can be.”
“You were respectful and politely told him that’s not okay.”
“I hope your family member learns from this situation.”- Legitimate_Owl7052
“NTA.”
“I have contamination OCD too.”
“My heart started racing just reading this.”
“I would have freaked out!”
“So sorry that happened.”- gloomgirl2
“NTA.”
“That sounds like a deliberate use of your OCD trigger, all right.”
“He had to know you would react badly to it, but he did it anyway.”
“No one should EVER come out of the washroom without washing hands!”
“It’s one of the first rules when we are children, for heaven’s sake.”
“It’s common sense.”
“There are over one quadrillion various germs in just one gram of feces.”
“Sorry if that triggers you, too, OP, I’m just trying to make a point.”
“Even if he hadn’t wiped his hands on YOUR clothes, it still would have been gross and disgusting.”
“It’s such a simple thing to wash your hands, and such a risk to yourself and others if you don’t do it.”
“I don’t think your OCD matters in this case; anyone would probably react badly to seeing him return from the bathroom and then wiping his hands on their clothing.”
“That’s something a 4-year-old might do, to get attention from mommy, even though a 4-year-old should already know about germs and how to avoid them.”
“Sorry you had to deal with this.”
“I hope he gets the message and doesn’t do it again.”- LonelyOwl68
The fact that this family member needed to be told how awful his behavior was is concerning.
The only thing that would be more concerning is if he did know how shamefully he behaved, and went through with it anyway.
Regardless, the OP might want to begin looking for a new living situation that doesn’t involve this family member, sooner rather than later.