We've all heard about "work scope creep," in which a job gradually adds on more and more tasks that are not included in the original workplace job description.
We've also all heard of "budget creep," in which what a person is making per hour or annual salary shrinks compared to their quantity of work.
But we need to talk a lot more about "boundary creep" in the workplace, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit, in which people who have worked together for a long time get too comfortable and start crossing boundaries they wouldn't have previously crossed.
For programmer and Redditor aleronick247, they were used to receiving phone calls at weird hours from their boss when something at the office needed to be addressed.
But when their boss acquired their wife's phone number and called her when they could not be reached, the Original Poster (OP) expected their wife to receive an apology for taking advantage of her contact information and her time.
They asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for telling my boss to apologize to my wife?"
The OP worked for a small company and was fairly close to their boss.
"I am a programmer at a small company. My primary boss is one of three owners."
"I've been there for about ten years. We are friendly and have been to each other's kids graduation parties, etc."
But the OP's boss recently crossed a serious boundary.
"My boss called twice at 5:50 AM. I was in the bathroom and did not have my phone and did not hear it."
"After I didn't answer, he called my wife, at 5:55 AM, and woke her up to get me."
"She later told me that she was super freaked out, thinking something happened to me, she had no idea, in the moment, if I was home or not."
"It was over a customer machine that was 'not working' that I was programming the day prior. I rushed in and it was indeed working, albeit they suffered some down time on third shift."
The OP wanted their boss to apologize to their wife for calling her and scaring her.
"I called him out in an email and said this was unacceptable behavior and demanded an apology to my wife."
"Work has called her for work-related stuff before, like when I've been out of commission (hospital), but never at ridiculous times of the day and I never cared. If it were any time after 8:00 AM, I would not have a problem with it, at all."
"Am I absolutely crazy? To me, it's common sense to wait until 7:00 AM or 8:00 AM, unless it's literally a matter of life and death."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that they should be upset about what happened and establish firmer boundaries.
"Unless I'm supposed to be at work that morning, calling before 10:00 AM is unacceptable to me. I don't care who it is. Do not wake me up."
"And I follow the same rule. I don't even text my parents before 10:00 AM." - ryanvango
"I'm just tickled that you are standing up for your wife to your boss. Well done. NTA." - Alternative-Quit-161
"This happened to me actually about 15 years ago. My husband is in tech and the 'go-to guy.' He was in the shower and I was asleep. I worked nights at an ER vet, and used to stay up and have breakfast with him and then go to bed."
"I had just gotten to sleep when I heard his cell ring, then his work cell, then his cell followed by the work phone. Our landline then rang."
"I answered it, 'Someone better be dead.' The guy was not his boss, or anyone that he reported too, just some rando at work named Rick. Rick was unprepared for my greeting and had the balls to tell me I shouldn't answer the phone like that before he identified himself. Very full of himself, old Rick was."
"He asked after my husband and I said he's in the shower, and to leave him a message on his work cell and my husband would get back to him. Rick didn't like that very much and told me to go get him."
"That went over like a fart in church. I reiterated that he needs to call my husband's phone and hung up."
"I went into the bathroom to tell my husband I was going to kill this coworker of his and he handled it. He went to HR, his boss and Rick's boss, and it was explained to Rick that he was out of line."
"I went to have lunch with the office a few days later at the local shawarma place, and Rick was there. Best lunch ever, he couldn't even look at me." - AnotherRandomDFF
"None of that is appropriate. He should not be calling your wife regarding business matters. Period. Your wife is not his employee."
"The parties thing... (cringe) That's also crossing the line, in my opinion. I have several family members and in-laws who own small businesses, it's extremely rare for them to invite or attend personal parties with their employees. I get that working closely can lead to friendship, but it's a slippery slope."
"I'm assuming you're American, I really, really hate our work culture. Love the French labor laws, there's no reason to contact an employee outside of work unless the building burned down." - DaBingeGirl
"I get that you’re chummy and you’ve been there a long time and it’s all very relaxed, but this is a good opportunity to maybe set up and reinforce some basic boundaries with your workplace as a separate entity to your friends outside of work."
"Your workplace should not be calling you unless you’re on call for emergencies before 7:00 AM or ideally 8:00 AM. Your work should not be calling your emergency contact for anything related to your work in that manor. They should not have been calling your wife about your work while you were in the hospital."
"It’s really not normal or acceptable behaviour, but you’ve allowed it previously, so now is a good time to establish a boundary that your workplace doesn’t call you for non-emergencies outside of work hours, and especially not before 7:00 or 8:00 AM, and your wife is only ever to be contacted in the case of your workplace informing her of an actual emergency regarding your wellbeing." - PhoebeH98
Though the OP wasn't usually bothered by the random phone calls, other Redditors challenged them to be.
"You don't seem to be bothered that your boss/'work' has your wife's number and calls her to reach you, regarding work matters. Consider that for a moment, and then consider who else may owe your wife an apology."
"Your boss is an idiot, but you have basically been giving him consent to do this type of thing. Set actual boundaries... and, for the record, 'Only call my wife after 7:00 AM,' is not what I'm getting at." - LeftToWrite
"You should care. Unless they are paying her, too, she should not have to be fielding calls from your job. That’s either boundary issues on their part or yours."
"But either way, it should absolutely bother you that they are calling her for work things when she doesn’t work there. That’s ridiculous. For your wife’s sake, you need to put a stop to this." - treehuggerfroglover
"If they knew you were in the hospital, they should not have called you OR her! If there is critical information that only you know they need to remedy that immediately. It's like having a computer network with no backups." - AntheaBrainhooke
"Why does your boss have your wife's number? EMERGENCY contact (read: EMERGENCY)? You have every right to be upset."
"I'd be opening an investigation with HR as to why the f**k my boss was using an EMERGENCY number for a non-emergency and only after five minutes of you not answering. Like s**t, people drive and don't have blue tooth to talk while driving, others shower (or s**t in this case), and others may simply not hear the phone. It HAPPENS, and it's FINE."
"A five-minute lapse is a pitiful period, and they're using private information for a non-emergency. NTA." - Altoidman33
"Just curious if you have an around-the-clock on-call understanding with your boss? Still NTA because your wife doesn't, but I'm wondering how much of an AH your boss is: magnitude one or two?" - JeffInVancouver
"NTA. Unless he pays you for overtime calls, you should never take the call. He should never phone your wife unless you are dead or injured. End of. Reset your boundaries in very direct terms."
"You don't come free and they shouldn't be freeloading your time." - CuriousFunnyDug
"You can set up do not disturb to let everything, but your work calls and texts through, and automatically have it turn on at 4:00 PM on Friday."
"If you don't give a f**k, you could also just lie to them and say your phone must have been charging, so you never picked up. I did this at my s**tty retail job years back and the manager gave up calling me once he figured out im never going to pick up his calls." - Waiting4Reccession
"I work for a small company too, and the lack of boundaries is maybe the biggest problem."
"It's Saturday and I've been p**sed off all day because of the nonsense texts I woke up to. It's really not okay that they do this to us. Just because they need us to help run the place doesn't mean they should abuse our time and trust." - backupb***hes
As much as the subReddit could appreciate the OP being a part of a close-knit company for a long time and being as supportive as they could be, the subReddit argued that there still needed to be boundaries, for the OP and especially for their wife.
It was alarming that the company was reaching out to the wife to reach the OP when it wasn't an emergency.
The wife's number was likely filed for emergency situations only, like if something happened to the OP while on the job, not when they could not be reached because they were using the restroom.
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