Living in a university dorm or in a house with a bunch of roommates, situations will inevitably arise that will make us uncomfortable. Two roommates will quarrel, or privacy will be breached.
There will be awkward moments no matter what the situation is, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwaway124848828 felt the need to stand up for her privacy when she felt increasingly uncomfortable with one of the other dorm girl’s boyfriends.
But after seeing the other young woman’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she overreacted.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for getting upset at a man for using our girls’ bathroom?”
The OP had an uncomfortable encounter with a guy in her dorm.
“I live in an all-girls dorm. All our bathrooms are for girls only, save for a unisex bathroom down a short flight of stairs.”
“Recently, another girl in my building has had her boyfriend over.”
“Multiple times, he has used the bathroom while I’m there, even when I informed him of the unisex bathroom.”
“Each time, I have felt very uncomfortable with his presence. He is a stranger to me, and I don’t enjoy being walked in on by some strange man while I’m in my pajamas.”
“The fourth time he entered the bathroom, I was taking a shower late at night.”
The OP confronted the guy’s girlfriend about his behavior.
“Feeling extremely uncomfortable, I lost my patience after this, changed, and knocked on his girlfriend’s room door.”
“I asked to speak with the girl’s boyfriend, but I ended up having to tell the girl herself that the boyfriend’s behavior was not ok and made me uncomfortable.”
“Just to note, aside from the minor inconvenience of going down the stairs, the unisex bathroom is clean and functional.”
“Because fewer people use it, it’s actually tidier than the all-girls bathroom.”
“She was irritated that I had woken her, to say the least.”
The OP wondered if she should have waited until a better time.
“I’m second-guessing whether I have the right to ask that the boyfriend doesn’t use our all-girls bathroom.”
“I think I may have acted rashly to knock on the girl’s door late at night, but I was fed up.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was right to uphold the rules.
“NTA. You have every right to think that only women should be using a woman’s bathroom. I would let the RA (Residential Assistant) know of what is going on.” – Ecstatic_Being8277
“I lived in an all-women’s hall for two years in college. It had two bathrooms.”
“I wouldn’t have wasted time going to the girlfriend’s door. The dude has been told. I doubt his girlfriend can make him.”
“I’d have gone to the RA (Residential Assistant) when he did it again after being told the first time.”
“The appropriate action then would be that he’s barred from visiting permanently if he’s caught again. At this point, I don’t think it would be excessive to permanently bar him effective immediately.” – granitebasket
“NTA. He should not be coming into a bathroom for girls especially since there are showers in there. It’s basic human decency.”
“His girlfriend should make him stop and if I were you, if he doesn’t listen, I would report it to whoever’s in charge next time he does it.” – tbuschvcxvdxzrswq
“If it were only toilets, that might be less egregious. But he shouldn’t be in your shower area. It’s totally inappropriate and there’s no way he doesn’t know this.”
“Go to your RA or house parents. You tried being direct. Didn’t work.”
“Time to get an authority involved. He’s an entitled creep. And his girlfriend is an a**hole, too for permitting him to violate private spaces.” – fibonacci_veritas
Others agreed, based on their own experiences.
“Both years, we voted to declare one bathroom as women-only and the other as ‘Unisex toilets, women’s showers.’ If a dude wanted a shower, there was one down the stairs. And there was a women’s only bathroom available for women who wanted it.”
“There were definitely guys who would try to creep on women in the showers since the showers did not lock, just curtains only, so setting some boundaries makes sense.” – PurpleMP12
“Our floor voted to keep the communal bathroom women’s-only. The floor downstairs voted to make theirs unisex. (Both floors were women-only housing.)”
“Boyfriends and other male visitors upstairs had to descend 14 whole steps; a couple of women downstairs who preferred the single-sex bathroom ascended those same 14 steps.”
“(And I think we would have all been reasonable in a true crisis situation, because sometimes a single flight of stairs really is too much.)”
“OP, if your hall hasn’t already decided on a policy as a group, you need to. Talk to your RA (Residential Assistant) about organizing a hall meeting.” – Nessie-and-a-dram
“On our floor, the men’s bathroom and showers were on one end of the hall and the women’s on the other end.”
“All of the guys were respectful of only using their bathroom and shower, as were most of the women, but there were a few women on the side of the floor closest to the men’s facilities who were using the toilets and sinks, which were situated within sight of the showers, which made a lot of guys uncomfortable.”
“Our RA (Residential Assistant) had to have a floor meeting with everyone to let us all know this situation was not acceptable. Even though the women’s bathroom was a longer walk and often full of women using the sinks to put on makeup, they shouldn’t be using the men’s bathroom. A few women were upset, but they complied after the meeting.” – yakusokuN8
Though the OP felt guilty for disturbing one of her dorm neighbors at night, the subReddit didn’t think it mattered what time of day it was.
Using the restroom of the opposite sex is already inherently problematic, but to use a restroom that also contains showers creates a whole other breach of privacy.