Working from home is a dream for many.
It’s also a nightmare for others.
Just because a person is home doesn’t mean they have the time to do tons of other things.
Work is work, no matter where a person is.
This can be a difficult concept for some.
Redditor snarky04 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend I won’t do all the cleaning just because I work from home?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (29 M[ale]) work remotely full-time.”
“My G[irl]F[riend] (28 F[emale]) works at an office.”
“We recently moved in together, and suddenly she expects me to handle all the household chores because I’m already home all day.”
“I told her that working from home doesn’t mean I’m free to vacuum, cook, and do laundry between meetings.”
“I already do my fair share, but she keeps saying it’s not equal because she has to commute.”
“Last week, I refused to do the dishes she left after dinner, saying I wouldn’t be treated like her housekeeper.”
“She snapped that I was being selfish.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for refusing to do more chores just because I work from home?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – To be honest, W[ork] F[rom] H[ome] can (job depending) afford some additional flexibility at home, like putting a load of washing on at lunch time, etc, and there is obviously the fact that you’re at home more, so ‘dirtying’ the house more.”
“So I do see that a partner who WFH might have that flexibility, HOWEVER, it has to be a conversation and agreement, not a demand.”
“Since you just moved in together, it would appear you want the relationship to work, so sitting down and discussing fair division of labor is a normal part of those early living together niggles.”
“You going to the internet to prove you have done nothing wrong doesn’t particularly solve the issue.” ~ Vintage2000s
“Also, there’s the commute time to consider.”
“If OP’s GF is commuting 30 minutes each way, that’s an extra hour a day OP has available that his gf does not.”
“I don’t think it’s unreasonable to spend some of that tidying up.” ~ rialtolido
“NTA, but if she cooked you dinner and you didn’t do the dishes, you suck.” ~ marygoore
“As a team, you should aim to have the same amount of free time (because you should want that for your partner).”
“If she has a long commute and you have none, then your fair share should be a bigger percentage of chores.”
“Not saying all the chores or that you have to do them during your work day, but remember that you’re a team.”
“Sounds like she’s got a bit of an attitude because she’s jealous of your extra free time and is expressing it poorly.”
“Try to use some of that free time to benefit you both, and her tune will change.” ~ Whenitsajar
“I work from home and pick up more household duties because of that.”
“Do I pick up all of them? No.”
“Does she contribute quite a bit? Yes.”
“You guys need to meet in the middle here. NAH here. Yet…” ~ keyboardbill
“NTA. WFH doesn’t mean you’re not on the clock, or you don’t have to constantly monitor emails or Slack throughout the workday. “
“You may need to revisit the division of chores in your household.” ~ TemptingPenguin369
“NTA. The home office doesn’t equal being on vacation.” ~ Autonomnervoussystem
“I think the concern over her commute time is funny.”
“It’s not about the commute.”
“It’s about communication and agreeing on a fair distribution of duties.”
“Sounds like the OP and gf are experiencing growing pains associated with just starting to live together.”
“Sit down and talk about what each of you thinks is ‘fair’ and come up with a compromise.”
“OP is NTA for not agreeing to do everything just because he works from home.”
“GF needs to own that being a resident requires duty-sharing – so figure out what those duties are.”
“Fighting over a bowl in the sink isn’t the answer.” ~ 1acre64
“Unfortunately, your GF is like many others who can’t see/accept that when you work from home, the only people who get to say what you do is your employer.”
“Don’t think I can comment regarding the dishes, but as for the rest of it – totally NTA.” ~ Different_Guess_5407
“NTA. I’m fully remote as well, and although I try to get in laundry or to get the dishwasher loaded/running sometimes, I often don’t have time because I actually work just as much as I did when I was in an office.”
“My spouse didn’t understand this either, as they were commuting a decent distance to work until they had a day off when I didn’t, and kept trying to talk to me and realized I was always in calls or actually working.”
“That said, I do factor in my spouse’s commute and take a bit more of the household chores like cooking our dinner.”
“It needs to be a discussion between the 2 of you, though, and not a demand by one partner over the other.” ~ Jerseyjay1003
“NTA and commute comments make 0 sense.”
“If both are working and both contributing, both do chores equally as well.”
“How about everyone just clean their own stuff?”
“You do your laundry, dishes, and scrub the quick toilet after you use it, and she does the same for herself.”
“Then it’s fair because single versions of you both would have to as well.”
“Folks acting like remote work means someone should do more due to extra time saved from commuting is not really reasonable because imagine if you both did drive, are we then dividing chores by minutes of Commute?” ~ funkychunkymama
“Factoring in the commute makes sense because if they, for example, work the same number of hours, but then she commutes for two hours a day on top of that, he has more free time than she, and it’s fair that he contributes a little more than she to chores.” ~ Proud-Reading3316
“NTA. I don’t think you should be doing all the chores, but I don’t think it should be 50/50 either, as you have more free time than she does.”
“I don’t work from home, but I am home more than my husband, so naturally, more chores fall on me during the week.” ~ sophie_Mal
“ESH. If she has a long commute and her workday is therefore hours longer, then it is reasonable to expect that some household needs are met.”
“If she cooked dinner for *both* of you, then it is reasonable to expect you to at least help with the dishes, if not offer to do them (dinner for dishes is a widely accepted exchange).”
“I think if she is actually saying you should be vacuuming in the middle of your workday, it is diminishing how ‘real’ WFH is, but if she expects that after you get off work and she’s still not home, you do a load of laundry and maybe the next day vacuum, etc., then maybe it is not unreasonable.”
“I think a lot of the comments saying it’s not your job just because she, etc., etc., are very ‘by principle, you work too!,’ but in reality, there aren’t going to be perfect equivalencies of labor and leisure in a relationship.”
“It’d just be nice for everyone to chip in and get the same amount of relaxation in.” ~ gaygeografi
“The commute is a moot point.”
“I WFH several days a week.”
“I have to be logged on at my start time, and my company monitors our activities on the computer throughout the day.”
“So I cannot vacuum between phone calls, dust in between data entry, etc.”
“I AM WORKING.”
“If OP’s GF were living alone, who would she expect to do all her housework? NTAH.”
“The chores should be divided, but he shouldn’t be expected to do all of it simply because he WFH.” ~ Extreme_Wish_5314
“NTA in general.”
“Work from home is work.”
“You can get fired if they find out you’ve spent the whole time doing home stuff.”
“That being said, do you work through dinner time?”
“If you’re not on the clock at dinner time and she cooked the dinner, she may be operating on the assumption that the cook doesn’t do the dishes; some households run like that.”
“It might be a separate thing to negotiate.” ~ OkSecretary1231
“NTA – commuting does not equal every single household chore; your GF is trying to pull a fast one on you.”
“Stand your ground, good for you for saying you are not her housekeeper.”
“It would be fair for you to take care of some of the lighter ones, like laundry, cleaning, tidying, but not for the entire workload to just fall to you.”
“Does she drive?”
“If she drives, this is utter codswallop. “
“If she digs in her heels, then you know who you decided to live with for the remainder of your lease, but at least not for the remainder of your life.”
“Choose wisely, and good luck.” ~ TheBufman
“NTA. It’s a workday.”
“You’re working.”
“Unless you have loads of downtime and it’s not a bother to chuck in a load of laundry or something.”
“It might be that she’s resentful and wants things to be equalised somehow, but it’s not your fault that she has to commute.”
“Hopefully you’re not making loads of mess during the day, which gives her more work to do.” ~ keishajay
Reddit agrees with you. OP.
You are not luxuriating at home, you’re home is work.
It sounds like a serious chat may be called for.
Everyone can have chores and be working.
Good Luck.