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Arthritic Mother Refuses To Make Wedding Veil For Son’s Fiancé Like She Did For Her Daughters

Bride and groom taking photos under the bride's wedding veil
freemixer/Getty Images

Family heirlooms and family traditions are priceless gifts that many people don’t have the honor of being a part of. It can be hard to see others experiencing something so special.

But that doesn’t give anyone the right to act entitled about receiving heirlooms or being a part of a family tradition, stressed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Long before her arthritis developed, Redditor Healthy-Gold-8246 made veils, ties, and pocket squares for her sons and daughters for their future wedding days.

But when her future daughter-in-law heard about the pieces she had made, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by how entitled she began to act about receiving a veil, as well, as a future member of the family.

She asked the sub:

“AITA for refusing to give the veil I made for my daughter to my future daughter-in-law and for also not making her a veil of her own?”

Years ago, the OP made wedding veils for both of her daughters.

“When I was younger, I made my two daughters veils for their weddings. I did some embroidery on them, and they are very beautiful.”

“For my sons, I made matching ties and pocket squares.”

“My younger daughter is already married and used it for her wedding.”

“My older daughter is gay and will probably wear a tux for her future wedding. I am still holding onto it in case she wants to use the veil or to make something else with it, like maybe pocket squares for her and her partner.”

“She’s grateful and happy I held onto her veil for her.”

The OP’s future daughter-in-law was very interested in the veils she had designed.

“With one veil still in my home, the story came up at a family dinner about how I made them for my kids. My future daughter-in-law (DIL) has been talking about it since.”

“She asked me to let her use the one that I saved for my older daughter in my home.”

“I told her no. She told me that my daughter won’t be using it anyway, so what is the harm? She still received a hard no from me.”

“She then asked me to make her a veil for the wedding in a few months.”

“I told her no to this, also. I have arthritis and I can’t really do that anymore. I explained why and this started an argument.”

The OP’s daughter-in-law and son continued to press the issue.

“My daughter-in-law now thinks I am a jerk for not doing this and says that I am not accepting her in the family. But I have already stated my reasons (see above).”

“She called me a jerk for holding my ground.”

“Now my son is telling me to suck it up and give her one.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some found the son and future daughter-in-law (DIL) to be incredibly entitled.


“The OP said, ‘She told me that she (older daughter) won’t be using it anyway.’ She lost me here. It got worse, but she lost me here.”

“As you said, your daughter could still use it in some way, h**l, maybe her future spouse would want to? Not saying you’d be okay with that, but given it is for your daughter, that’s a more likely outlook than the DIL using it.”

“Your DIL has got a lot of nerve. Asking is fine, but countering after a no is a**holeish. Commenting on your daughter’s potential use is incredible a**holeish.”

“Asking you to make another is fine (slightly AH, but maybe this is your thang), but not dropping it when you say no is AH, and arguing when you decline is HUGE AH.”

“And your son? I’m sorry, but f**k him. Telling you to suck it up. How about the DIL goes and gets all the materials and offers to have you teach or instruct her how? How about them asking for your blessing to take one of your originals to a seamstress to make one in the same style?”

“The nerve to decide your labor is the only way to accept her into the family or that you need to place her on the same level as your daughters is just offensive and wrong. This is not how you join a family, with demands.” – pottersquash

“OMG. OP is NTA.”

“I am sick of these posts where people are like, ‘But your DIL is family, why do you hate her?’ Jes*s F**king Chr**t.”

“A mom has a tradition with her daughters. She is allowed to have this tradition and not have to include her son’s wife. A woman is allowed to have a close relationship with her daughters and not have to be required to include any of her daughters-in-law.”

“Her son is definitely a huge AH. He wants his entitled fiancee to have a handmade veil? Then buy her one on Etsy.” – faequeen_

“It would have been a nice alternative to pick out a veil WITH the mother-in-law (MIL), since it would still feel like the MIL was a part of the process like she as with the other veils, but I don’t think that’s the point of the DIL’s argument.”

“DIL wants a free veil, and I’m guessing they are really nice veils, as well.” – JustAsICanBeSoCruel

“Bro, I’m so befuddled as to how a DIL could think it’s okay to speak to their MIL like this (unless their MIL is a piece of work). Like, if you want to join the family, this is not it. I see it all the time on these posts where the DIL is entitled and so f**king rude.”

“And the name-calling! I could never. Like, who raised you?”

“And how her son just let it happen and then agreed with his future wife? Like, my mom can be a b***h, but no one talks to her like that without me ripping them a new one.”

“NTA, OP.” – FreshSeesaw

“NTA. As soon as someone starts name-calling, they have lost any chance of getting what they wanted.”

“If I were the OP, I would have been like, ‘You think you’re entitled to my daughter’s veil? You think you’re entitled to me working in agony? You think this and call me names? You get out of my house and take my ungrateful son with you.'” – FuzzyMom2005

“Just by the way the two spoke to OP would make me feel relieved to have declined, not feel like an AH.”

“If DIL wants to be accepted into the family, then starting off with such rude and entitled behavior is not the way to earn your respect. With how both your future DIL and son are acting, I’m not surprised that they’re together.”

“Also, if your daughter was happy you held onto it, then it’s best to keep it safe so your son can’t go looking for it. It’s a sentimental heirloom for your daughter regardless if she decides to wear it or not.”

“NTA.” – jasperjamboree

Others agreed and stated the biological daughters’ feelings needed to take priority here.

“Why not ask the daughter who is already married if she can use that one? I assume that daughter is now in possession of that veil so it would be her decision.”

“To me, the unmarried daughter being happy that her mom didn’t give the veil away is what matters. It’s her veil even if it’s not in her possession. If she doesn’t want to let it be used by her, that’s it. Even if I was wearing a suit, if my mom hand embroidered a veil for me, I would wear the veil with the suit. I don’t care how weird it might look. That veil would be important to me.”

“NTA, OP.”

“Asking the married daughter would have been my suggestion before the future daughter-in-law had her entitled freakout. Now that she’s been an entitled brat, no, she doesn’t deserve anything. Bottom line, the unmarried daughter doesn’t want her future daughter-in-law to have it, so that should be the end of it.” – justme7256

“I can see if the daughter who may wear a tux to her own wedding and her partner wearing the veil is another argument. I can see the future daughter-in-law throwing a fit that someone other than the biological daughter is using it.”

“Also, someone else mentioned asking the married daughter if she can use her veil as an option. I don’t think this should happen. It’s just playing into future DIL’s demands. Not to mention the daughter may want to save it for her future children.”

“The answer was no, with a valid explanation of arthritis and that the ones made aren’t OP’s; they are her daughters. The future DIL is being overly demanding.”

“NTA.” – trvllvr

“NTA. You made veils for your daughters. It would be wrong and hurtful to your daughter to give away something that you made for her with love.”

“Even if you did not have arthritis, you are under no obligation to make one for your daughter-in-law. But given you do have it, it is ever ruder for her to argue over the point. Your daughter-in-law-to-be sounds entitled, and guilting you about it is even ruder.” – hikergirl26

“NTA. You are no longer physically able to make more. You made them for your daughters, they belong to them, and they can decide what to do with them.”

“You made gifts for all your children, including ties for the sons and veils for the daughters, and sure, it was gendered, but I’m not gonna harp on that, everything was fair and equal, and everyone got something.”

“That means EACH of your children will have had something you made worn at the wedding. Your DIL already received the handmade gift by proxy. Her husband will be wearing a handmade tie and pocket square.”

“If your DIL also got a veil, it would make it unfair that her wedding would have the veil AND the tie. Would that then mean you would also have to make veils for your other daughters-in-law and ties and pocket squares for your other sons-in-law? It’s a slippery slope and an entitled one at that.”

“Once again, though, these gifts were made specifically for your children. Her not getting one doesn’t make her not family; that’s bulls**t. Your cousins, nieces, and nephews are all family, but they didn’t get veils and ties.”

“This gift has specified recipients, and that is fine. People can’t dance to every record. DIL needs to chill or take her fiancés own advice and suck it up.”

“Also, she doesn’t get to just take your older daughter’s veil. It belongs to her, it’s not yours to give away, and I’m side-eyeing her hard for the ‘she’s not even going to use it’ comment. Just for that, tell her that if she wants to wear something you made so badly, she can wear your son’s tie. It can be her Something Borrowed.” – AGirlHasNoGame_

“NTA. The fact is your daughter is glad you’re holding on to HER veil, and your arthritis makes it impossible for you to create a whole new veil. Your DIL should respect that.”

“She can be disappointed, but that’s her problem. To feel entitled and to call you a jerk makes her an AH here.”

“And telling you to ‘suck it up’?! Your son is a MAJOR a**hole.”

“There’s no argument for them. The veil belongs to your daughter. You cannot create a new one. If they continue harassing you, ignore/mute/delete as much as needed.” – glimmerseeker

While the subReddit could understand the OP’s future daughter-in-law hoping to receive a veil like her future sisters-in-law and even feeling disappointed when the answer was no, they stressed that this is where the daughter-in-law’s feelings seized to matter.

By continuing to press the issue, discounting her mother-in-law’s arthritis, and also making disparaging comments about her older sister-in-law, the future daughter-in-law not only ruined any chances she may have had at receiving a family heirloom, but if she wasn’t welcomed into the family with open arms, she really had no one to blame but herself.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.