When we discover a family member is in trouble, our first inclination is to help them.
However, no matter how much we may want to, we can’t always give them the help they need.
As hard as it is to say no, sometimes, that is truly our only option.
Even if our suffering family member might not easily accept that option.
The sister of Redditor Material_Star8510 found themself in a difficult situation.
A situation that resulted in her turning to the original poster (OP) for help.
Unfortunately, the OP was simply unable to offer her sister the specific help that she requested.
A decision that didn’t sit well with the OP’s sister or family at all.
Wondering if she was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to share my college dorm room for my older sister and her baby?”
The OP explained why she felt she could welcome her sister and her baby into her current living situation:
“I (19 F[emale]) am in my first year of college and live in a small dorm room on campus.”
“My sister (26 F[emale]) had a baby a few months ago, and she’s been struggling financially.”
“She and the baby’s father broke up, and she had to move back in with our parents.”
“The problem is, she hates living there because our parents are ‘too controlling’ and ‘judgmental’ about her being a single mom.”
“She asked if I could request permission for her to stay in my dorm with her baby for a while because it would be ‘quieter’ and give her ‘space to figure things out’.”
“I told her no.’
“My dorm is tiny, barely big enough for me, and I have a roommate.”
“Plus, a baby crying all night in a shared dorm?’
‘That’s not fair to my roommate or me.”
“She got upset and said I was being selfish, that family should help each other, and that she’d do it for me if roles were reversed.’
“Now my parents are also pressuring me to ‘just let her stay for a little while” because she’s struggling’.”
“My roommate thinks the whole situation is crazy and that I shouldn’t feel bad, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m being a bad sister.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow her sister and her baby to move into her dorm room.
Everyone agreed that not only was the request of the OP’s sister entirely presumptuous, but the OP’s college would likely never allow her and the baby to move into the dorm:
“NTA.”
“As you stated – a crying baby is not fair or quiet for anyone.”
“How loud can your parents’ house be that she needs to get away?”
“It’s not about volume, it’s that she doesn’t want to listen to mom and dad tell her they are disappointed in her choices.”
“My guess is your campus will have a firm ‘No’ as an answer to this.”
“So, I actually do encourage you to reach out to them to ask what the policy is on non-students living on campus/in a dorm room that is already at capacity.”
“If, as I suspect, it’s a clear ‘Not allowed’ – print that out and hand it to both her and your parents.”
“Your sister would 100% use this as an excuse to use you as free labor to take care of her child.”
“This is a time when you should be focusing on schoolwork and living the college life, not taking care of someone else’s baby.”- Discount_Mithral
“NTA.”
“At all!”
“Wow.”
“What an ask.”
“I can’t imagine your roommate going for that arrangement, lol.”
“She got upset and said I was being selfish.”
“Au contraire.”
“She’s selfishly asking you and your roommate to 100% disrupt your living situation to accommodate her.”
“Pot meet kettle.”
“Now my parents are also pressuring me to ‘just let her stay for a little while’.”
“Nope.”
“It’s a ludicrous suggestion.”
“Maybe tell your parents to go on vacation for ‘a little while’ and give her some breathing room.”
“NTA!”
“Stand your ground or become her first ‘go to’ whenever she wants to take advantage…not that your roommate would allow her, lol.”- IamIrene
“NTA.”
“Is she serious?”
“Firstly, the college/university would presumably never allow an infant to take up residency in a dorm, not set up for parents, it’s a liability nightmare.”
“Second, she honestly thinks a dorm room with three adults and one baby in a building full of teens and early 20s cohabitating will be quieter than a house full of boomers?”
“Third, your parents are really willing to potentially sabotage your education to pacify your sister?”-KBPredditQueen
“NTA.”
“And your college/university might actually have something to say about you moving non-enrolled people into your dorm room.”
“There is probably also some liability for having minors in the dorm.”
“Unless you want to risk getting kicked out for housing people you shouldn’t, stick to your guns.”
“Also, she’s 26, and has a home; she should evaluate her life choices before she burdens you with them.”- OldSaggytitBiscuits
“NTA.”
“And I’m guessing there are rules about people staying in your room that don’t go to school there.”
“Blame it on the administration if you need to, but you risk getting kicked out if you let her stay.”- Savings-Breath-9118
“NTA.”
“Your roommate is correct.”
“This is the most bizarre request I have read in a long time.”
“It makes zero sense to have a fully grown woman and a baby move into a dorm with 2 teens.”
“Also, what college would even allow this to happen?!”- nobiz84
“NTA.”
“What a wildly irrational request.”
“A shared college dorm room is no place for a newborn.”
“It’s not selfish to tell her no.”
“You have a roommate to consider, and you’re both there to study, so a baby would make that difficult.”
“Beyond that dorm rooms are generally cramped as it is.”
“To add another adult and a baby would leave practically no room.’
“And i’m not sure if she’s never been in a dorm room before but they generally aren’t exactly quiet spaces.”
“I’d honestly be tempted to tell her you talked to the school, and they won’t allow it.”
“It sucks that she’s struggling but that doesn’t obligate you to be her housing solution.”-Stranger0nReddit
“I work in higher education, on a university campus.”
“There is no way in hell they would allow a non-student and their infant to stay in one of their dorms (at least at my American university).”
“It’s a safety issue for one, and of course, they can’t get money from her that way.”
“I bet if you dug around your paperwork from when you moved in, you’d even find a policy saying you can’t allow non-students to stay.”
“Show them that when they argue.”
“NTA.”- _Witch_Dagger_
“Your school would not allow this.”
“Period.”
“If you want the ‘no f*cking way’ to come from the school, talk to your RA and tell them that your parents and sister are being crazy.”
“Ask for a formal letter on school letter head that plainly states ‘no f*cking way’.”
“That takes it out of our hands.”
“NTA.”- MyBeesAreA**holes
“NTA.”
“And your college would kick you out of the dorms for this once your roommate rightfully complained.”- Imnotawerewolf
“NTA.”
‘Not only is this obviously wildly inconvenient for you, but I highly doubt it is permissible for an adult non-student and a baby to live on campus in a dorm.”
“Not to mention she would not have a private kitchen or bathroom.”
‘This is not a suitable environment for a baby and it’s ridiculous for her to even ask.”- Upstairs-Volume-5014
The OP later returned with an update, sharing that the Reddit community was, indeed, correct in their guess that rules and regulations might make the OP’s decision for her:
“I spoke to the dorm in charge and was told it wouldn’t be allowed at all.”
“I informed my parents and sister about it, but my sister is still upset and says I should have been more ‘open to the idea’ and that I shouldn’t have denied her for ‘my selfish reasons’ before asking for permission.”
As the OP’s sister found herself in a position that no one would ever want to be in, it’s safe to say that emotions and anxiety were likely clouding her judgment.
However, if she felt the OP was selfish for being concerned about the comfort and well-being of three people and a baby sharing a tiny dorm room, one can’t help but think that her judgment has likely always been cloudy.
Particularly if she didn’t even take into account that the school administration was never likely going to. allow her to move into a dorm.