Redditor Relative_Dragonfly95 is an 18-year-old who had a riff with his best friend “J.”
The drama started when J’s new relationship with a girl–also of the same age–moved into the next phase of living together.
While J’s relationship with his girlfriend was going relatively well, it took one indiscretion from J for things to quickly head south.
After intervening, the Redditor turned to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA For snitching on my (ex) best friend?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (18M) have a been close with my best friend J (18M) for over a decade now and I love him more than anything. And over a year ago, he got a girlfriend (18F) who we’ll call M.”
“M is the sweetest woman i have ever met – she cares for J so much, and I have found a close friend in her. A few months ago J moved into M’s apartment.”
“J doesn’t have a job and M has a well paying one. She is the breadwinner.”
“Now onto the story. I was having lunch with J when his phone beeped. He looked at it and smiled saying, ‘M sent me nudes!'”
“While I thought that he didn’t need to say it out loud, I still replied with,’Congrats.’ That’s when he dropped this; ‘You wanna see?’”
“To say I was horrified would be an understatement. 1, I had a boyfriend (18M) and he was aware of this. 2, I saw M as a sister and he was also aware of this. I blew up on him, saying how disgusting it was that he would even ask, and he backed down immediately, apologising.”
“Here’s where I may be the AH. I, as a feminist, could not just brush this incident off. My mums (38 Female) (39 Female) taught me all about r*pe culture and I knew that this could lead to much worse.”
“I told M, and she was furious. She thanked me and then called J. They had a screaming match that ended with M breaking up with J and him kicked out of her flat. After he moved back in with his parents, he texted me and I told him the truth.”
“He exploded, calling me names, insults, and even at one point slurs. I kept my cool and explained my it was duty as a decent human being to tell M, and I then said, ‘What if you had shown that to other people; have you shown them to other people?'”
“And he replied with, ‘Yes, but that’s not the point.’ I screenshot it and sent to M. She was angry, and according to my friends has now threatened legal action.”
“Turns out he’s told our friends, and majority have sided with him. They say while what he did was wrong, it wasn’t my place to to tell her.”
“A few of my friends, M, my boyfriend and my parents side with me, but I’m staring to doubt myself. They were a very happy couple and they loved each other a lot, and they pointed out that I’m the reason they broke up.”
“AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors believed the OP was not the a**hole here.
“NTA. What he did, and the total lack of remorse, are major red flags. I’m thinking she dodged a bullet, thanks to you.”
“And I’m glad she sees who/what he is before getting any deeper…and wasn’t she supporting both of them?”
“So, to recap…she’s supporting both of them, he’s shared nudes she’s sent him (warning, do not send nudes to anyone, ever), and now that he’s been caught and called on his BS, he’s the victim? Yeah, no.”
“And you and M may want to find some new friends as they seem to be OK with his (outrageous) behavior. And, if he has shared them with others, she may be able to get legal redress. Regardless, I think you did the right thing.” – Auntienursey
“NTA. It appears that J is the type of individual to be offended at the slightest possibility of a hint of an accusation. The thing is with individuals like J is that they are all talk no action, meaning they say ‘I won’t do it again’ while going back on their words.”
“J committed a digital sex crime, because he shared images that were sexual (explicit or otherwise) without HER consent. It would become revenge porn if he were to share them with all the people she and he knows in retaliation to her decision against him based on his own actions. I would definitely encourage your friend to consult a lawyer.”
“I’m glad to hear you stuck up for your friend and drew the line despite him being your best friend, now ex best friend, because I know of so many others who would not.” – friedchickensticks
“NTA. To reiterate: he breached the trust in their relationship by showing around her nudes without her consent, the only one who protested was you, the rest were happy to look and now think you’re T A to them. What you did was not snitching, it was standing up against the kind of culture your moms told you about.” – Fiebre
“NTA. Thank you for protecting your friend/’sister.'”
“It feels like this is the kind of guy who might need a reminder that if he happens to have any videos of her or them together, his sharing them to porn websites without her expressed written permission is a legally punishable offense.” – CanadianJediCouncil
“NTA They may have seemed to be a ‘very happy couple’ but there was a terrible dynamic at play. They were only happy because she didn’t know what he was doing. You changed that and balanced the dynamic. Good for you and good for her.” – Miserable-Narwhal-53
“NTA. They might have been a ‘happy couple,’ but that was based on a lie. She trusted him with her innermost secrets, and he blithely shared them around with his mates like a family size bag of potato chips.”
“There need to be more guys like you.” – Emotional-Ebb8321
Overall, Redditors praised the OP for speaking out, and they expressed relief for “M” as she potentially dodged a bullet with her relationship with someone who is not trustworthy and is disrespectful.