People shouldn’t need a reminder not to wear white to someone else’s wedding… unless it’s specifically requested.
You know what else they shouldn’t need to be reminded of? To not expect to blow out someone else’s birthday candles or to receive gifts at someone else’s birthday party, side-eyed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
After seeing their nieces and nephews misbehave at multiple people’s birthday parties, including lashing out about birthday candles, gifts, and party games, Redditor Veteran_Writer_12 was becoming increasingly alarmed.
But when their nephew and nieces completely took over their birthday celebration, the Original Poster (OP) decided they wouldn’t participate in family birthday gatherings anymore.
They asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my wife that our nieces and nephews shouldn’t blow out candles at everyone’s birthday parties?”
The OP was side-eying their nieces and nephews for their behavior at others’ birthday parties.
“Before I get annihilated in the comments, just hear me out. My wife and I have two nieces and one nephew who are five and six years old.”
“For the past several years, it has been a ‘family tradition’ that the kids get to blow out the candles first at anyone’s birthday party, whether it is mine, their parents, grandparents, etc.”
“The kids will demand to blow out the candles first before the actual birthday person. If they do not, a deluge of crying and screaming will follow. At first, it was fun and cute when they were really little, but now as they have gotten older, their attitudes about it have gotten way worse.”
“Our nephew is the worst. He gets p**sed if he doesn’t get a present when it’s his mom or dad’s birthday. I’ve never done that sh*t (buy them presents on not their birthdays) because that’s stupid.”
But the OP’s latest birthday celebration was the final straw for the OP.
“At my party last month, her family demanded that the kids go first, and when they were trying to blow out the candles, my nephew jumped the gun and blew out most of my candles.”
“This caused my two nieces to cry uncontrollably, and my nephew then started crying because he didn’t get to blow out even MORE candles.”
“Afterwards, I told my wife that I think this ‘family tradition’ is stupid since it reinforces the fact that the world revolves around them and that adults will give them whatever they want.”
“I told her I have no problem throwing parties for their birthdays, which is something I didn’t even get growing up, but making the center of attention at every adult birthday party the kids is ridiculous since it reinforces a false reality the world revolves around them.”
“I’ve told my wife I am not going to throw any family parties for my birthday anymore until they’re teenagers. We’re just gonna celebrate our own together from now on.”
Fortunately, the OP’s wife was on board.
“We’re both in agreement that this ‘tradition’ is dumb and is the result of p**s poor parenting. They all just walk over their parents in daily life and we ain’t about that.”
“My wife and I are in agreement it’s dumb to do this and we won’t. However, the rest of her very large family does not think this way.”
“AITAH for thinking this way?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that he was doing the right thing by setting boundaries.
“They are creating entitled little humans and taking away from the person you are celebrating. I like the idea someone else posted: no more candles. If anyone complains, it is a health issue and who wants spit on a cake?”
“They may not agree for every celebration, but you can at least do this for yourself.” – BestAd5844
“NTA. Those kids need to learn that they are not always the center of attention and they can’t always get what they want.” – IrrelevantManatee
“I think it’s disgusting that they would let toddlers do this at all, let alone when they get older. Set boundaries when kids are young and they don’t act spoiled and entitled when they are older. Not to mention who the f**k wants a little kid’s spittle all over their food?”
“If they are the birthday child, then yes of course, but otherwise absolutely not. One time out when they were young would have put a stop to this. If it didn’t, they leave with the child and problem solved.”
“When my kid was little she threw a fit at the grocery store once. I told her to stop, and she didn’t. I left my cart there, walked out, and went back home. I told her if she ever wanted to go shopping with me again that she would never behave like that in a store.”
“She never did and she’s a polite, well-mannered adult at this point. Parents who don’t give consequences to actions, both good and bad, are exactly the reason that our society acts so entitled and horrid to one another.” – ScorchedEarthworm
“This is how it starts… We’ve all read the stories about the golden child daughter or sister who has done this birthday thing, only to then grow up and try to hijack the wedding reception for a proposal, vow renewal, gender reveal… They’ve created little monsters.” – Head_Razzmatazz7174
“Yeah, and if they’re having meltdowns about being told no or not getting what they want, they’re spoiled. Parents need to learn that the word “parent” is not just a noun. It’s also a verb.” – Cerridwyn_Morgana
“I am that person who usually breaks tradition. I won’t stop them blowing the candles at other’s parties but I would not let them blow any of the candles at mine. They can scream till they lose their voice.”
“Any enabling adult would be asked to leave. If everyone chooses to leave, so be it.”
“I like when people actually forget my birthday or don’t celebrate it, so… it would fit if they all chose to leave lol. NTA, OP.” – Usual-Canary-7764
Others were grateful the OP didn’t plan to contribute to the current birthday party culture.
“It’s crucial to teach kids that the world doesn’t revolve around them, and learning that lesson early helps them grow into more considerate and respectful people.”
“It’s not about being harsh, it’s about setting boundaries and teaching them empathy.”
“OP, NTA.” – xLavenderSpark
“I’ve witnessed kids who are catered to like this struggle to make and keep friends while working in an elementary school. It was quite sad. NTA.” – ilovechairs
“I used to work at a popular pizza location that had birthdays, games, and animatronics.”
“The WORST parties are the ones that’s had siblings or other children who couldn’t keep their hands to themselves during opening presents and meltdowns for none of them getting anything.”
“One family brought nearly an equal amount of gifts for their other child to the point I thought the reservation was wrong and I should have written two kids’ names on the signs. Didn’t stop their kid from having a meltdown anyway… just delayed it so it didn’t happen while opening gifts (and one parent couldn’t even enjoy it because they had to help the other).”
“There is a reason the thing to do now is to just open gifts at home and simply enjoy the party and have some cake.”
“After the pandemic, it kind of freaks me out that anyone is blowing directly on food as it is let alone small children who tend also to spit.” – FoodisLifePHD
“NTA. Trust us most adults and even fellow parents without their heads up their @sses agree with the sentiment. In fact, your family is doing those children a huge disservice, because that behavior at another child’s birthday is a way to get kiddo on the birthday blacklist.” – PresentationThat2839
“NTA. I just had to read the second paragraph and knew what my rating would be.”
“My girlfriend gets both her kids presents for the other’s birthday, and I just think it’s a bad move. It’s a special occasion BECAUSE it’s THAT person’s special occasion, not everyone’s, and they’re there to celebrate THAT person’s occasion.”
“Everyone doesn’t have to be special or the center of attention every time. I just think, personally, it’s a bad look and sets them up for thinking everything is about them somehow.” – mildysentary
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update and offered some clarifications.
“Thanks to everyone who commented. I believe every single person so far has agreed with me. I do want to answer a few common questions I’ve gotten.”
“1. What do they do with other kids’ parties? Honestly, I can’t remember the last time they went to another little kids party, and I suspect it is for reasons like this.”
“2. What will happen when they’re older? I suspect the same bulls**t. I have a 35-year-old cousin who is like this and throws temper tantrums when she doesn’t get a present on her sister’s birthday…”
“3. Don’t have candles? Yes, my wife and I are no longer going to have family parties for our birthdays.”
“As a side note, we’ve tried to talk to their parents about these issues, but they all get SUPER defensive, and they dismiss our viewpoints as invalid because we don’t have kids.”
The subReddit was disgusted by yet another example of terrible birthday etiquette, but they were relieved to see an OP who wanted to halt the negative cycle.
While they might not have the support of their extended family, it was important that the OP and their wife were pointing out behaviors that were annoying now that could become blatantly problematic later.